Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board.
I've just watched your video and I want to say two things: One, it may be triggering to anyone who is vulnerable. This is not a criticism, but necessary to post for the board at large.
Two, you seem very very lonely. I am truly sorry. It would be great if you stuck around and met some of the great people here and felt a part of something. We do understand the extremes of bipolar, and we are all struggling to overcome them and make our lives work.
You also seem young. Know that while you have clearly undergone some hard things, it doesn't have to be like this forever. You are not doomed to be alone because of your illness, because while it seems to have some pretty wide-ranging implications, that's all it is -- an illness. We can fight illnesses, even if the fight is hard, even if it feels hopeless.
Hang in there. It is great that you have worked to express what bipolar is like for you. It's a demon that looks different for everyone. Keep expressing it -- keep talking about it. That's the only way to work through it.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER