Let you in on a secret

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sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 12/15/2009 1:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry guys!  I've been lurking and not saying much.  I've been rapid cycling for a while now.  My pdoc says it is just a stressful time for me and I should just pop a xanax to take the edge off when I need to.  I'll admit I haven't been doing that.  It makes me sleepy and during the day, things just need to get done.
 
My therapist is in agreement with my pdoc.  She knows it has been a very stressful time for me and I'm seeing her weekly still!
 
I do great all alone during the day.  Somedays I have so much energy and get so much done but just keep going like the little energizer bunny.  Plus I don't need  much sleep at all. (I know, I know, & my doctors here this)
 
Other days I am very compulsive with cleaning house or going from one thing to another.  For instance, I will wipe down the counter, then clean the counter and then notice a spot on the cabinet and clean all of them and then open one and start to wipe that down and then start to reorganize all of them, then notice something on the floor and vacuum everthing then wash the floors, etc., etc.  Then later I could cry about something that is making me so sad.  Or I could be so irritable and bite someone's head off!
 
Right now is break time from all the house chores and I'm feeling really emotional and sad.  Guess I just had to tell someone who gets it.
 
My poor husband, he comes home tired and frustrated from work and the last thing I need is to hear how crappy his day was and the last thing he needs is to see me being Bi*#@.  If he puts something where it doesn't belong I'm naggin!  Everything irritates me when someone steps into my world right now.  I'm best all alone and enjoy myself best when I am alone except for the sad times like right now where I just want to cry like a baby!!!
 
My hubby doesn't like me on the xanax.  He said I don't interact with anyone (I guess that's the point right now :o)  Or he says that I just use it as a cop out to not deal with things.  I'm only doing what the pdoc and therapist are telling me to do!!!!!
 
I haven't been this messed up in a long time!  But the pdoc and therapist think I can pull myself together without a med change.
 

Harleyrider
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 283
   Posted 12/16/2009 8:48 AM (GMT -7)   
sukay

Sorry you are going through such a tough time in your life.
I have never been diagnosed with bi-polar, but my grandma has.
The things you mentioned about the cleaning you do....I am the same
way.

Does your pdoc tell you this is a symptom of bi-polar
I also have rages, and hate it when things are out of place
or when someone walks in my house with their shoes on after I
vacuum. Burns my insides to not say anything. I have to either walk
away or pick it up myself. and when I pick it up myself I am talking
to myself the whole time about why I have to do everything.
 


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 12/16/2009 12:04 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Harleyrider,

Thanks for the sentiments. blush

I'm not like this with cleaning and being upset about things being out of place all the time.  If I were I would think this would be more of a compulsion.  One should probably seek some therapy for it if it is really becoming a problem all the time. 

I am a neat and orderly person but NOT to the extreme that I described in my post on a daily basis.  When it happens like this with me along with my other symptoms it is more of sign that I am entering into a manic episode.

I hope this helps.  Take care. blush


~sukay~
Anxiety/Panic  
Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/16/2009 12:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Sukay,

Thank you so much for writing! It's good to hear from you.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. It sounds like you're having really bad mixed episodes. I hope your docs can get this under control soon. Is your family coming to your house for Christmas?

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 12/17/2009 8:53 AM (GMT -7)   

 

Hi serafena,

My kids all got their schedules to jive so that we will all meet at home for a Christmas Day dinner & gift exchange.  That will be nice since they all know what Mom is going through right now & they will be there to help me out with things so that it won't be stressful at all.  It will be all layed back & good times!  That is the one thing I am looking forward to!smilewinkgrin

As far as my sibilings & hubbys sibilings... haven't heard anything from them yet.  We might have to do a pop over inbetween Christmas & New Year because I won't be able to host anything.  Now that will be difficult but I will just have to pace myself and do what I need to do to survive that. 

I see my therapist today and boy oh boy do I need her.  I almost broke down & called her yesterday.  So much is going on with me & my life right now.  I told my hubby this morning before he left for work that I need to start taking the xanax as prescribed and really give my mind and body some rest before all havoc sets in. He agreed.

So today is a R&R day for me!

I want to wish you and everyone else a Happy & Peaceful Holiday Season.~*

((Hugs))~sukay~blush


~sukay~
Anxiety/Panic  
Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 12/19/2009 10:55 PM (GMT -7)   
sukay...I hope you are starting to feel better after seeing your therapist. It is so hard to be going through such a hard time. Especially with the added stress of the holidays.
Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet? - L. M. Montgomery

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