Well hello everyone! Have not been on here for a good while-
A while ago, before the holidays I went off my meds cold turkey for 3 weeks and ended up with major problems i.e. racing thoughts, delusions, spending sprees not typical for me, almost needed to be given emergency Xanax to be calmed down. Well, I thought I learned my lesson, but apparently I am too addicted to my highs to stop messing around with my meds.
I have a problem: staying on the meds. Abilify is my only drug; 5 mg. I barely take it as prescribed which would be every other day, not even daily! It's been either 4,5, or 6 days since I've taken the drug, but, here's the thing: even though practically every night I can't fall asleep before 5 AM, I am still getting enough sleep during the day. I sleep till like 3 PM. Along with that, I don't have the racing thoughts that I was having when I went off them for 3 weeks and think that I am only hypo-manic considering my hyper-sexuality. I love walking on egg shells, risky business, all of that! And with being bipolar yourselves you can see why it is so hard for me to go back to something that even though it is taken in such a small quantity, it still feels just as potent, thus feels very belittling to my personality. I love everything about feeling hypo-manic, even manic! But the small, itty, bitty reasoning in me says that I should go back to taking the pill as prescribed so that I won't end up the mess like I was before. Taking the pill doesn't feel as torturous as it did a couple of weeks ago when I was full blown manic, but it's still very irksome.
I go back to school on the twenty-fourth...I just don't know what to do. I mean I know what I need to do, but I don't know how to get myself to do it. I truly hate that lousy pill! I hate feeling stable! I always need there to be a catastrophe...
Well, good night, or should I say good morning all,