Frustration to no end...

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 1/24/2010 6:45 PM (GMT -7)   
I thought I should post; trying to do things to help myself feel better moment to moment.  Was cycling a bit for a couple weeks but now back to deep depression.  Had pdoc appt last Monday; upping the Lamotrigine to 400mg. I wasn't willing to try anything new again since I had that bad reaction (extreme restlessness) to Abilify.
 
Lately have been wondering a lot about the meds. Currently, Methoprazine 8mg/Lamotrigine 350-400mg/Mirapex 1.5mg/Clonazepam .5mg as needed. They aren't working. At all. And since September I have seen my pdoc every 4 weeks. We have tried upping the Mirapex, Abilify, now upping the Lamotrigine...I remember what it was like for me a couple years ago when I went off the meds for a year.  I ended up relapsing bigtime.  It just bothers me taking all these pills everyday, especially when I've been in this state since September and I'm not improving at all.  I am extremely frustrated and discouraged. And yet somehow, I have to get out of bed tomorrow because it's Monday and I have to work full time.
 
 
 
Sorry to be so negative. I am trying some CBT while I am bored at work. We'll see how this week goes. Love to you all.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 4mg/day, Mirapex .75 mg/day & Lamictal 350 mg/day

Post Edited (mogli) : 1/24/2010 6:48:29 PM (GMT-7)


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 1/24/2010 7:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry to hear that the meds aren't helping you.  If you can look on the bright side?  Does that help?  You HAVE a job.  That's a start.  :-)
 
I hope things start looking up for you soon.  Hang in there!

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 1/24/2010 7:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Can you have a pet where you are?  Go adopt a kitten.  One that purrs a lot.  smile

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/25/2010 11:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mogli,

How are you doing with therapy? (I forget -- are you in therapy?) What does your doc say about all those meds and no improvement? Have you considered a second opinion?

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 1/25/2010 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I wish you were feeling better. What does your doctor say about maybe switching up a drug?
Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet? - L. M. Montgomery


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 1/25/2010 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
(((Hugs)))
 

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 1/26/2010 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks everyone for the hugs and advice.  I do have a wonderful kitty who loves to cuddle, so I do soak that up!  smile

I am trying to focus on the positives.  As far as the meds go, it is a serious problem. I have tried everything (truly! there aren't hundreds of meds out there for bp, really and I have tried at least a dozen) and cannot tolerate antipsychotics.  My pdoc will not add an antidepressant b/c it will cause me to cycle. So I am really stuck with the meds. So far increasing the Lamotrigine is not working.

At the next appointment I may try to beg for an antidepressant with the Lamotrigine.  Honestly, we've never tried it, maybe I won't cycle????  He's pretty firm on it though.

Therapy?  I tried counselling a couple months ago and the counsellor was awful.  I may try again since it is covered through work.

Anyway, today and yesterday I have been so depressed. I don't know what I am going to do. I think the fact that I am feeling it's all impossible is getting to me.  It feels totally hopeless right now.  This has been months and I am really worried.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 4mg/day, Mirapex .75 mg/day & Lamictal 350 mg/day


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 1/28/2010 9:34 AM (GMT -7)   

Still not well.  eyes But I am writing my accomplishments to you all so I can focus on continuing on fighting this depression. 

This week has not gone well at work.  I was in an extremely stressful situation Monday that really angered me Monday and it leaked over into Tuesday.  My anger was gone Wednesday (I did a lot of venting).  Yesterday was rough.  My job is even slower than it already was--one of my three psychiatrists that I work for has gone on maternity leave, so now I am down to two and one of those is only here two days a week.  So, that means a lot of downtime and boredem.  Yesterday I really felt the walls of my office closing in on me, so although anxiety provoking, I forced myself to go have lunch with one of the teams (about 8 ppl) downstairs.  The team is consisted of nurses, and psychologists, along with another secretary and a clerk. So I did that, YAY for me!  Then I went for a break with the secretary and clerk in the afteroon and killed a half hour of time there. 

The other night I called a friend and reached out to her to come over for some tea, it didn't end up happening but I get points for trying.  smilewinkgrin Last week I did meet up with another friend who lives down the street from me and she allowed me to really let it all out, so I will be calling her again soon.

Today I have been working on CBT all morning. Mainly I am just reading and writing right now.  This afternoon I am going to try to actually do some of the exercises...Actually make that one exercise this afternoon, baby steps are needed right now.

Tyring NOT to focus on how the meds aren't working for me right now and just keep on taking them and not missing any doses.

Anyway, there it is. It does make me feel better to know I am trying, although I don't feel like I am. I feel like I'm just lying there "taking it".  But, like I said, I am in fact trying....Focus focus focus.  Thanks for reading.

 



Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 8mg/day, Mirapex 1.5 mg/day & Lamictal 400 mg/day.


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 2/5/2010 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   

Thought I would update.

Some cycling earlier in the week, but the depression is still there and overwhelming. I decided (pdoc approved) to go back down on the Mirapex (which is supposed to be helping with the depression) and asked for a limited supply as I will have my next pdoc appointment in two weeks. I finally decided I am going to push for an antidepressant with my Lamotrigine and quit the Mirapex since this episode has not cooperated with it, like it was for a few months when I started it.

Pdoc is really against the antidepressant, but so many of you have that in your cocktail of meds, so I really want him to agree to it. He has a strong concern since I cycle that it will increase that, and maybe he is right but I want to try and if that's what happens then I'll stop it. 

If anyone can give me feedback if they cycle and are on an antidepressant..How it works out?  Lamotrigine should help stablize, but it might not be enough. I can't tolerate any of the antipsychotics, so...I don't know...

Anyway hope you are all well. I am trying to go for walks as much as I can....It was working great earlier in the week but once the depression got worse again I didn't get out the last two days........sad


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 8mg/day, Mirapex 1.5 mg/day & Lamictal 400 mg/day.


red lightening
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 2/5/2010 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   
walking is excellent for depression...if I walk every day I can really
tell the difference...I get a natural jolt of anti-depressant. Just staying
busy with something helps me too. At least you are aware of what is going on with
yourself and are taking steps to feel better.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, December 09, 2016 10:36 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,735,394 posts in 301,299 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151402 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Len.
305 Guest(s), 11 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
robotguy, fly with me, smlafleur, iho, maria2016, rockyfords, InTheShop, sam12, JackH, Kristvet86, ljimd


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer