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Samuel78
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/27/2010 4:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi,

First off I found this forum because I'm researching ways to help my wife. She hasn't been diagnosed with bipolar yet, but I'm about 90% sure she is. She is getting a two part psychological test next week and the week after that. Her brother is bipolar and everyone in her immediate family has dealt with some form of metal disorder. We have been married 4 years and a few weeks after we were married she tried to commit suicide. She has also cut herself with a knife when feeling guilty both before and since we've been married although it's been awhile since the last incident and she's not a danger to herself at the moment. But most recently her thinking and reasoning has become off. It's like she's becoming a different person. Her parents even recognize it.

In my efforts to help I made an appointment at a clinic in December. They just put her on Wellbutrin and referred her to the mental health department. She had a visit with a physician's assistant who just asked some background info and said come back in a month so we can see how the drug affects you. She had her second visit last week and since there was a question on the insurance they didn't have the tests ready for her. But now they are scheduled as I mentioned. However this same person just visited her for awhile and increased her daily dosage to 300mg. My wife has since told me that they offered therapy but she declined. She just thinks the tests will just give a name to her mental problem and they will just treat her for depression. She at least recognizes that her thinking is off and she goes through manic highs and lows but I don't believe she recognizes how serious it is. Just in the last 3 months she stopped sleeping in the same bed, has stopped giving me kisses and will barely hug me most days. I have also learned that she had turned to alcohol and was getting drunk about twice a week even after starting the Wellbutrin. She just tells me that she's not in love with me anymore and that our marriage has been a disaster for all 4 years. She also feels I became a totally different person the week after our wedding. We've had a lot of good times but it seems she only sees the negative things.

On top of it all she's been hanging around some not so good associates behind my back. Several are single guys who she claims she was just able to relate to because they have similar problems. Well unfortunately one day when she was mad at me she went looking for someone to get drunk with. It happened to be a single guy she's only known for a couple months. Anyway they got drunk and she started crying and he tried to console her. During his consoling he convinced her to go to his bedroom and he got her to have sex. (How do you go from consoling to thinking hey I'm gonna try and score with her? The guy must be a creep.) She has since realized what a big mistake it was and has cut off all ties with him and the other associates as well. She has for now quit drinking too.

My problem now is that she says she's not in love with me anymore although she still cares about me. She's told me I deserve someone better. She feels she's part of the problem and she should just go away. She's also convinced our marriage can't get better. I admit I haven't been loving and caring enough and I've made a determined effort to change. She even admits she can see a positive change in me. But she's afraid that if we try to work on our marriage she'll just get hurt and that really scares. I am deeply in love with her. I can't imagine life without her. But it's been really hard since she's turned into basically a roommate. I think it's mainly because of her mental state. I try to have hope that once she gets some help she'll be the same person who loved me just a few months ago.

I feel a little lost and it seems like the mental health department hasn't done a whole lot and isn't in any hurry to get her any specific help. Maybe they're just waiting on the tests. Should I try to take her to a psychiatrist? I'm just not sure. Anyway I guess I'm just looking for help and maybe reassurance that she is acting different because of a mental health problem. I'm just scared to death to death to lose her. Even though there's no excuse for her one night stand, I'm willing to take her back and just want things to be better even if it take a few years.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/29/2010 10:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Samuel,

Welcome to HealingWell.

I would definitely have your wife talk to a psychiatrist. I am no doctor, but what you describe sounds pretty familiar. Being treated for depression when one is actually bipolar can actually exacerbate problems instead of improve them. If she is drinking on top of the Wellbutrin, she is making the situation worse, so it's good she's put that aside from now.

I would also recommend some therapy for yourself.

We're a board dedicated to the needs of those with bipolar. If you're looking for sources of support for spouses specifically, I recommend the forums listed under "Resources for Family and Friends" on the Bipolar Disorder Resources page.

Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


Samuel78
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/29/2010 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you. Like I mentioned she's supposed to be getting tested soon so hopefully we'll have an accurate diagnosis and can start getting the proper help. I've read a lot on this forum already and have checked some of the resources already. I learn more every day.

I didn't think too much about therapy for myself but am going to try to do that. Any ideas of how to go about that? Do I just go to the yellow pages under therapy and find someone with experience in bipolar families? Or maybe I should work in accord with my wife's doctors since they will be the most familiar with the situation?

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/31/2010 6:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I would start with your insurance lists. Which therapists are covered? If you don't have insurance, most areas have a mental health clinic that offers services on a sliding scale.

Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

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