I struggled with anxiety, depression, and hypocrandria all since I was in my teen years. At 33 I was diagnosed with BP. I do not know what kind. But Im on five different medications. Zoloft, Gabetenian twice per day, xanax 1mg twice per day, temazepam, and recently added wellbutrin twice per day. My psy just added wellbutrin and up my dose of gabatenian(dont think I spelled that right), due to me still being severly depressed and emotional.
My symptoms seem to be a little different or maybe Im not aware. I will feel very low and sad most of the time, everyday that I can remember and will be very irritable, snap at anything, and cry hysterically. Then after a few hours of that I seem to snap out of it and start telling jokes, and making people laugh. This happens on a daily. There is no such thing for my situation as going days on a manic High where Im doing things like spending money, compuslive stuff. Im always feeling worthless, guilty, irritated, and you can make me snap at you at the drop of a dime.
I have racing thoughts all the time. I obsess over things, even things that happened years ago and people. Im stubborn and not one who easily forgives. I hold grudges. Im antisocial, although, if you were to see me at a bar or in public you would think I was the most outgoing person you have met! But I never go anywhere. I always stay home and prefer not to go places. I wont do my hair for weeks at a time, I tend to shower daily with the occasional skip a day or two, which isnt that often. But I never get dressed. I just dont care.
I feel like I am in this black hole and will never get out of it. I do not even know what happiness is or what it feels like to be normal. I cant sleep but the pills sometime work. I get twitches at times and occasional body aches. I always have trouble with my digestive system. Eating things can cause heart burn and stomach aches. Occasionally I will have night sweats. It happened a few years ago for a few nights. Then last year for three nights and the last few months around the time of my menstrual cycle for a day or two.