I haven't been on this forum in several months, but I understand what you are going through.
My wife is Bi-Polar, but to what extent I am not sure. This roller coaster has been stuck in the on position for quite some time.
Her PDoc placed her on celexa at first, about two years ago, then when she last asked me to attend a meeting, he placed her on 1mg of Abilify. Of course at the onset, the Abilify caused some anxiety, but after about two weeks, she was doing better.
Last spring, we were in VA. She encountered a MAJOR episode, left where we were living, and moved from homeless shelter to homeless shelter. Dragging her teenage daughter with her. Despite that environment, my step daughter maintains an honor roll status in school.
I left VA, last June, returning to my native state of FL. My children are here and 7 grandchildren. It was the best thing for me.
She left the shelter in AUG. My suspicions are that she showed no progress in moving forward, and they finally asked her to leave. She came to FL, with the initial idea that she would stay with her elderly mother, and help take care of her. My wife was intent on returning to school, so she began that process.
The school aspect became an obsession. I haven't read that OCD is a side effect of BP, but she displays a LOT of it. I use the example, that if she got the idea that she wanted to go across the street, to check the progress of the church being remodeled, nothing would go on, until she did.
Well, the first college (local) she didn't get total cooperation in that they wouldn't stop what they were doing and take care of her needs. She became involved in a verbal altercation, and stormed out.
She then decided to attend an online college. This went south. She actually was accepted, majoring in Psychology. I had to walk her through the registration system, as she simply refuses to sit down and study basic computer skills, always with the excuse about last being on a computer in 1992. Financial aid was received, books obtained, and her first two classes assigned. She diddled around during the first 9 weeks, and with two weeks to go, had not completed one assignment. She received $1500 in left over tuition/costs along with her $400 in child support, and was broke in 5 days.
Her initial arrangment to live with her mother lasted three days. So, out of my mind, I let her come here. Mainly, her daughter needs someone responsible to make sure her needs are met.
The rollercoaster went into high gear, and the brakes have failed.
Since her arrival, she has not contributed to our shared expenses. When it's time to pay rent & the light bill, I only ask for half. Other bills such as groceries are also shared. But not to the level of importance as rent and electricity.
This is where the illness comes really into play.
We are no longer in a conventional marriage. I feel that there is no "agreement" as to responsibility. We are in what I quietly refer to as a "Month to Month".
Each time the bills are due, and I sit down to arrange our budget, her illness takes over. She will "cruise" to start an arguement.
Her Pdoc increased her abilify in Jan to 10mg a day, from 1mg. She isn't happy and blames her weight gain on the med. She arrived here in Aug, and had gained about 45 pounds since April. She hasn't gained much since on the Abilify, but she is focusing the blame on that, instead of the "Gee Dunk" and Soda.
Back to the matter, since her return in Aug, she has packed up and left each month. Sometimes it is only for 2 or three days. She has even slept in her car, along with her daughter.
She went once to her Mother's, but became involved in a dispute with her older sister, aunts, and cousins while there. Sis has moved in to take care of her mother. The Sheriff's Office was called, and my wife was told to leave. The Deputy even called me asking if I wanted to claim her (transportation broke down). I did, thinking more about my step daughter than anything else. (bio Dad refuses to do what is best, he has the money, but his history is merely being a donor, not a Dad)
She left again in Dec, this time staying with a family of 5 in a single wide MH. Once they asked for money to help with bills, she packed up. She was there about a month.
She came back here begging. I gave in... it lasted two weeks. She has left again. Understand that each time she has left, what she packs up are items of no importance. Books, papers, items of mine that I need for work (sometimes I don't see until later). The clothes that fit her are left, she has yet to pack anything for her daughter (they are still here), so it tells me this is always done for the "show".
Like you mentioned, she is a master of manipulation, and will make accusations of things fictitious, all for gaining the support of the available ear. We live in a small community area, that my family were pioneers here before the civil war. So if I am not related to them, I certainly know a greater portion of the population. What is said, is on the coconut telegraph, and I eventually here of it.
She is off the Abilify, stating that her Pdoc didn't encourage her to take it. The way I feel is he won't. He will let her make her own mistakes, and if the episode is too severe, she will end up in the hospital, where he is able to treat her until she is stabilized, before he will release her (he is staff at the local crisis center).
She is a bomb, with a lit fuse.
My advice? Get focussed on yourself. Do what is best for you. That's what I do, I no longer let my wife's actions control my life. Eventually she will hit rock bottom, in the dark, and then some measure of rescue is in order.
Here in FL the involuntary commitment statute is rather broad. If this matter progresses much further, I can and will force the issue. I treat my step daughter as one of my own, and if I have to take a hard stand I will.
Basically don't let this get you down. Seek help for yourself. Love hurts sometimes.
My soapbox has now collapsed.