wife is bipolar not on meds and wants devorce

fgjfgjgfjgfjf
0
ghfgh - 0.0%
0
fghfgh - 0.0%
2
chance - 100.0%
0
move on - 0.0%

 
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

king
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/7/2010 7:15 PM (GMT -7)   
i been married to my wife for 7 years she is 26. we have 1 son who is 7 she has had bipolar her whole life. she has been on and off her meds for the 7 years we been married.  we did fight alot call each other names that shouldnt have been said. the night she left me we got in a fight not a very big one but i think it was big enough to make her snap because the next day when i got home she was gone and her wedding ring was on the end table. i ask her to come back home so we could work this out and it would be easyer on are son she came home. i was asking questions she would tell me to stop pushing so i stoped asking her but she was leaving me in the dark about everything so i started asked questions again and it made her mad. 2 weeks ago today she said she was done and wants a devorce.  her mom and dad agree that she isnt thinking things through she is making desicions with out thinking about how its going to change not only my life but her sons. she is now going to start looking for a place to live be cause she dont like the rules she has at her mom and dads house. her parents told her she needs to get on her meds and then think about what she is doing. her getting on her pills i think is my last hope . if she were to get on her meds and get stable will she start thinking about the things she is doing? and could she posibly come back home? or because she has her mind made up right now is that it she is done? i think what gets me the most is that my son isnt my biological son i adopted him when he was a baby. i told her i cant beleave you wouldnt give me the time of day  if not for me he would have a dead beat dad all she said was sorry. im just lost i dont know what to do she meens the world to me and i dont want her to go. please help me do i have a chance yet or should i move on and start taking care of my self and my son with counciling.

needhelp32
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 2/7/2010 7:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey man, I know exactly what you are going through. My wife is bipolar and she did this to me about 3 months ago. We had an argument and she stormed out. Left me in the dark and kept telling me she wanted a divorce.
What they really want is pity and everyone to think they are victims. We do not have a child but the situation is very similar. My advice, the more you leave it alone (hard as heck to do and I know it sounds crazy) and continue on with your life and your child's keep it up. She will see that you are not pouting waiting around for her and that you are actively doing things. My wife got mad at me for not calling to see if she was ok, not trying to make an effort to get her back etc. We had gone through this stuff before and I had always done that.
She sounds like she is in one of her episodes, not being on her meds is a huge problem as well. I do not know if you are a christian or not, but pray. Prayer and support (I would see a counselor, it helps tremendously)will help you sooooo much. I had to pray to get peace about everything because I love my wife to death and it killed me to think I would lose her. She went to live with her parents and spread all kinds of nasty rumors just so they would back her and she was "justified" for her actions.
She came back after 1 month and we are seeing a christian dr and psychiatrist who is helping her with her meds and moods. We are not back under the same roof yet (she went to live with her parents) until she can control her moods and medicine. Hope this helps!!!!

TIP: DO NOT LET HER SUCK YOU INTO BLAME!! I learned that through counseling, bipolar spouses will think everything is your fault and I mean everything. Stand up for yourself, she will hate you for it, but later she will realize you are right.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/7/2010 8:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi King,

While I'm sensitive to the frustrations you're handling right now, I don't think this board is the place for you. You're in pretty desperate need of some spouse/loved one support. Check out this post: www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=13&m=883428 and the Bipolar Disorder Resources page. Several options are suggested for significant others/family members of those suffering from bipolar.

Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/7/2010 8:06 PM (GMT -7)   
needhelp32 said...
I learned that through counseling, bipolar spouses will think everything is your fault and I mean everything.


Good advice, (seek counseling) but a gross exaggeration. Not all bipolars behave this way.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


GideonsTrumpet
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 2/11/2010 7:54 AM (GMT -7)   
King,
 
I haven't been on this forum in several months, but I understand what you are going through.
 
My wife is Bi-Polar, but to what extent I am not sure.  This roller coaster has been stuck in the on position for quite some time.
 
Her PDoc placed her on celexa at first, about two years ago, then when she last asked me to attend a meeting, he placed her on 1mg of Abilify.  Of course at the onset, the Abilify caused some anxiety, but after about two weeks, she was doing better.
 
Last spring, we were in VA.  She encountered a MAJOR episode, left where we were living, and moved from homeless shelter to homeless shelter.  Dragging her teenage daughter with her.  Despite that environment, my step daughter maintains an honor roll status in school.
 
I left VA, last June, returning to my native state of FL.  My children are here and 7 grandchildren.  It was the best thing for me.
 
She left the shelter in AUG.  My suspicions are that she showed no progress in moving forward, and they finally asked her to leave.  She came to FL, with the initial idea that she would stay with her elderly mother, and help take care of her.  My wife was intent on returning to school, so she began that process.
 
The school aspect became an obsession.  I haven't read that OCD is a side effect of BP, but she displays a LOT of it.  I use the example, that if she got the idea that she wanted to go across the street, to check the progress of the church being remodeled, nothing would go on, until she did.
 
Well, the first college (local) she didn't get total cooperation in that they wouldn't stop what they were doing and take care of her needs.  She became involved in a verbal altercation, and stormed out.
 
She then decided to attend an online college.  This went south.  She actually was accepted, majoring in Psychology.  I had to walk her through the registration system, as she simply refuses to sit down and study basic computer skills, always with the excuse about last being on a computer in 1992.  Financial aid was received, books obtained, and her first two classes assigned.  She diddled around during the first 9 weeks, and with two weeks to go, had not completed one assignment.  She received $1500 in left over tuition/costs along with her $400 in child support, and was broke in 5 days.
 
Her initial arrangment to live with her mother lasted three days.  So, out of my mind, I let her come here.  Mainly, her daughter needs someone responsible to make sure her needs are met.
 
The rollercoaster went into high gear, and the brakes have failed.
 
Since her arrival, she has not contributed to our shared expenses.  When it's time to pay rent & the light bill, I only ask for half.  Other bills such as groceries are also shared.  But not to the level of importance as rent and electricity. 
 
This is where the illness comes really into play.
 
We are no longer in a conventional marriage.  I feel that there is no "agreement" as to responsibility.  We are in what I quietly refer to as a "Month to Month".
 
Each time the bills are due, and I sit down to arrange our budget, her illness takes over.  She will "cruise" to start an arguement.
 
Her Pdoc increased her abilify in Jan to 10mg a day, from 1mg.  She isn't happy and blames her weight gain on the med.  She arrived here in Aug, and had gained about 45 pounds since April.  She hasn't gained much since on the Abilify, but she is focusing the blame on that, instead of the "Gee Dunk" and Soda.
 
Back to the matter, since her return in Aug, she has packed up and left each month.  Sometimes it is only for 2 or three days.  She has even slept in her car, along with her daughter.
 
She went once to her Mother's, but became involved in a dispute with her older sister, aunts, and cousins while there.  Sis has moved in to take care of her mother.  The Sheriff's Office was called, and my wife was told to leave.  The Deputy even called me asking if I wanted to claim her (transportation broke down).  I did, thinking more about my step daughter than anything else.  (bio Dad refuses to do what is best, he has the money, but his history is merely being a donor, not a Dad)
 
She left again in Dec, this time staying with a family of 5 in a single wide MH.  Once they asked for money to help with bills, she packed up.  She was there about a month.
 
She came back here begging.  I gave in... it lasted two weeks.  She has left again.  Understand that each time she has left, what she packs up are items of no importance.  Books, papers, items of mine that I need for work (sometimes I don't see until later).  The clothes that fit her are left, she has yet to pack anything for her daughter (they are still here), so it tells me this is always done for the "show".
 
Like you mentioned, she is a master of manipulation, and will make accusations of things fictitious, all for gaining the support of the available ear.  We live in a small community area, that my family were pioneers here before the civil war.  So if I am not related to them, I certainly know a greater portion of the population.  What is said, is on the coconut telegraph, and I eventually here of it.
 
She is off the Abilify, stating that her Pdoc didn't encourage her to take it.  The way I feel is he won't.  He will let her make her own mistakes, and if the episode is too severe, she will end up in the hospital, where he is able to treat her until she is stabilized, before he will release her (he is staff at the local crisis center).
 
She is a bomb, with a lit fuse.
 
My advice?  Get focussed on yourself.  Do what is best for you.  That's what I do, I no longer let my wife's actions control my life.  Eventually she will hit rock bottom, in the dark, and then some measure of rescue is in order.
 
Here in FL the involuntary commitment statute is rather broad.  If this matter progresses much further, I can and will force the issue.  I treat my step daughter as one of my own, and if I have to take a hard stand I will.
 
Basically don't let this get you down.  Seek help for yourself.  Love hurts sometimes.
 
My soapbox has now collapsed.

FriendsToAll
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/2/2010 5:15 PM (GMT -7)   
NeedHelp32,
THANK YOU!!! My wife has left a little over a month ago, falsely accusing me of all types of things, and absolutely irate and not acting herself. It like a different person according to all that talk with her. I have no idea where it came from. She has been depressed of late, and with some of the outbursts to friends and family some have talked of having her committed. I love my wife tremendously. I have taken care of her for 18 years, providing everything she needs, and more. But I have been begging, and begging, and begging. I keep giving into her blame game in hopes she will forgive me and straighten up, but even her parents and sister tell me it is not me and give me glowing reports. I have done nothing to her to deserve this. We are all so hurt by this. I have literally been flat on my face practically every night begging the Creator to straighten this out, to forgive me, and her, to have mercy on all of us. I feel like its over. There is nothing worth going on for. But then I think of my children. I must survive this, but I feel like I have a shotgun blast through my chest all day everyday since she left. Everyone please pray for my family and I. I am so devastated. I have to hope it is a medical issue, whether Menopause, Thyroid issues, or bipolar issues....something. I love so much, perhaps I am the one needing meds. She has had a major problem with being alone, so much so, she got 5 secret credit cards behind my back in the past, charged up several thousand in debt when she had no job, only for me to forgive it and pay the debt off, all so she could be around other people in the malls. Oh YAHWEH! Have mercy on us all.

lucifer sam
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/3/2010 4:15 AM (GMT -7)   
im new here and everything, but, man we all are having the same issues. I can easily see myself in your guy's place in a few years.... As much as this place is helpful, it sure is depressing- ha ha.
But king, through my experience my girlfriend has an authority complex or something if i try and tell her what to do, even remotely she has nothing to do with it and will do the opposite. When she is ready to tell you something she'll tell you DONT PUSH HER!!!! trust me if she is not given time to process her thoughts it wont end well....(just ask me how i know, i dare you lol).
Thats just my $.02

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/3/2010 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi friendstoall,

Welcome to Healingwell. I hope your wife comes through for you. In the meantime, check out the www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=13&m=350839 resources page for links and books about having a bipolar significant other.

Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Thursday, December 08, 2016 11:30 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,734,783 posts in 301,247 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151353 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, cxyalsnt.
383 Guest(s), 16 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Dc28, tickcheckguy, astroman, Scaredy Cat, 1000Daisies, Paxton, ks1905, FamilyGuy, Madcat25, Mustard Seed, Poppie, aloha234, Myself 09, Tall Allen, julymorning, iPoop


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer