Welcome to healingwell.
Sounds like you're in a really tough place right now. I'm sorry to hear about your father. I lost mine just under a year ago. It's really tough.
Your best bet for your wife is to be supportive and stable until her moods get stabilized. She will get there again, but it takes time to find medications that work and to let them do their job. Expect a year until she's herself again, at least. My psych told me that even once you've stabilized it takes about 6 months to "heal" from a major mood episode.
In the meantime I really recommend therapy for you both. Talking through how best to interact with your wife with a professional can be invaluable, and if you're in a high stress job it can help relieve some of that stress.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER