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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/27/2010 4:22 PM (GMT -6)   
My wife of less than a year was recently diagnosed with bipolar II. I'm trying everything I can to help her. This week she was experiencing signs of hypomania and she swore to me that she was fine and I could go on my trip this weekend. She broke down when I left and checked her self into the hospital.

She left me a voice mail saying it's my fault she's there for leaving her and that she hates me. She told the nurses not to tell me anything. Now I'm stuck a thousand miles away and I feel really helpless about dealing with this. Is there no way I can get them to talk to me? Is she consenting to all their treatments? When she was lucid she told me everything that was okay and not and I always assumed I'd have input and the ability to relay her wishes if she went manic but they don't care what she thought before and now are pushing drugs on to her. I'm worried they'll get her to consent to something really bad-- how can they expect a suicidal person to remember or care what they wanted when they were stable?

Is there nothing I can do? Is it always going to be so helpless?

happy bill
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 2/27/2010 6:14 PM (GMT -6)   


  First of all you need to take a deep breath and realize that both you and she have precious little control over this thing right now. You need to concentrate on getting home and being with her. I dont know if she is on meds but if not meds will help a lot to take away the HIGH highs and the LOW lows. Once she gets stablized than you two can start to work on this together. SHe is goign to need all your love and support and you should no right up front, even that may not be enough. You have to have hope and faith that she will get better but it is a long and hard road ahead of you and there will be lots of slips.

    When we are out of control we honestly have very little control of everything, feelings, emotions, actions, compulsions, the works. You need to give her time to "reset" as my wife calls it, and she will need lots of help to find her way back to the place where she feels normal again. Just hang in there this will pass. You have the strenght to do this, but my advice is get lots of sleep, eat right and prepare for a long run because this disease isnt a sprint, its a life long marathon.

   Good luck and if you need more support post back here.


Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 2/27/2010 6:56 PM (GMT -6)   
First I'm sorry you have to go through's hard when your away to have to deal with everything. I can't begin to remember the number of times I was running to the hospital for my partner because she had admitted her self. She is bi-polar and in the beginning it was very difficult. However; I made sure that I stayed intouch with the doctors and that I was part of her treatment. I was going to be her care giver and so I needed to know what to do for her. It was a teaching hospital so they were real good about it, and helped me out alot. I'm sure that with time and a great deal of patients that things will come through. I stayed up a lot of nights worring and wondering what I was going to do. Trying to work at the same time and running on empty. However; now the meds are adjusted and things have slowed down and they look better. I hope the same for you. Give it time and maybe she needs space who knows. She is in a safe place and that says alot.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/27/2010 9:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi zbo,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. I hope you find some advice and help here. Stick by her. She's not herself right now and not making good decisions.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 2/27/2010 9:34 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry you are going through this.  Remember that she is SAFE now.  They can't let her leave if she is a danger to herself.  In order to leave, she will have to be stabilized, and hopefully, thinking clearly. 
I can say that I will do anything to keep my SO from seeing me at my worst.  One time I hid it until he was gone for a week on a hunting trip.  I was just out of the hospital myself.  I didn't say anything in the morning when I left home, but I went straight to my therapist's office and from there to the hospital.  For me, it is because I love him and don't want him to worry.  I don't want my illness affect him anymore than it has to.  She might have actually been thinking clearly.  She might have been acting out of love.
Hang in there, don't tear yourself up worrying. 
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