Welcome to HW, and don't be afraid, although it is natural to feel that way, you are not alone and you CAN get through this.
What kind of specialist are you seeing if you don't mind me asking? A psychiatrist? I would say to you, start keeping track of how you are feeling each day (there are mood charts available online) that way you know yourself, exactly where you are, and you can use that information for your appointment. It's important to know your symptoms and if you have questions we are here to help.
For me, getitng diagnosed felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I finally had a reason for the way i acted and the feelings i felt. It was very scary and familys are never very supportive of mental health issuses like they are, say cancer. But there are great support groups like here where you can get support from people who actually KNOW what you are going thru.
We have all been scared, and after scared comes all the other emotions, anger, self pity (its not fair), wishing it would go away, and finally at the end, acceptance. Once you accept that this is how you are hard wired, and that you didnt do anything wrong to get it, than you can move forward with living with this deseise. (bad speller here. sorry. ) Hell i'm a full time firefighter who has run into dangerous situations without a care, and guess what, at age 42 this still scares me silly. I'll take a burning building anyday of the week, because i know what it will do. My mind however, even with meds, is still stable only 80 percent of the time.
ANd i have preached this before, acceptance and viewing this not as a curse but as a blessing. If you are bipolar you will experience a natural high (called hypomania) that makes all the drugs out there seem lame. You will have great creativity, great passions will swing thru your life, you will feel and live deeper than most other "normal" folks. There will be bad days, even bad months and the odd bad year. But if you accept this for what it is there will be lots of good days, a bunch of great days, and a few out of this world days.
I hope this helps you. Keep posting we are here for you.
You are absolutly very welcome and you are in a place that really does understand where you are and where you will be. We are very supportie and i encourage you to jump in and offer any support you can to others. I really believe we help ourselves when we reach out and help others in need.