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AgentTex
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 3/1/2010 4:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello,
 
I'm new here and I'm not sure where to start. I went to my doctors late last year and after a chat with me and my husband he suggested I am possibly suffering from Bi Polar. This diagnosis has not been comfirmed yet as I am awaiting an appointment to see a specialist. I have spoken to them as they sent me a questionnaire and I have been told I have been place on a high intensity course. I am very nervous about what is going to happen as Im too worried to look it up on the internet is case it scares me.
 
Im very worried all the time, I too scared to tell my family and friends about what is happening with me because I have a daughter with my husband who I love dearly and Im terrified if I talk to this specialist they will take her away from me or take me away from my family. Part of me feels this is a bit over the top but the most part of me feels that if I tell people what goes on in my head I'll be sectioned or something. I dont really understand what is wrong with me and when I tried to tell my mother what my doctor had said she immidieatly responded that I should stop being so silly, it was all my ex boyfriends fault and that I cannot be depressed as Im only 24. This really shocked me and this is partly the reason I'm too scared to talk about what I see, hear and feel because if my own mother reacts like this to me how will a complete stranger react?
 
If anyone can just help me with explaining what wrong with me or what happens when you see a specialist I would be most grateful and it would help with my fears. I'm sorry my post is so long but I really need help and Im really scared an dont know where else to talk to someone. I feel if anyone would understand and be able to help it would be other sufferers. Thankyou in advanced for any suggestions and your time in reading this post.

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 3/1/2010 8:16 AM (GMT -7)   

AgentTex,

Welcome to HW, and don't be afraid, although it is natural to feel that way, you are not alone and you CAN get through this.

What kind of specialist are you seeing if you don't mind me asking?  A psychiatrist?  I would say to you, start keeping track of how you are feeling each day (there are mood charts available online) that way you know yourself, exactly where you are, and you can use that information for your appointment. It's important to know your symptoms and if you have questions we are here to help.

Try to remember that if you are bipolar there is hope.  You are starting in the right direction by seeking help.  I know that it is scary to "out" this information to family or friends.  I have a very unsupportive mother too, so I know how that feels....I have recently stopped discussing my illness with her.  For now I would try to not concentrate on others.  You need to focus on yourself.  Only talk to people that need to know...your husband. And go from there.  Take things slow...Take deep breaths and reassure yourself that you are going to be okay. It is natural to feel scared and overwhelmed, but lean on your husband? And we are here for support.  HW is a great place to ask questions and to vent....I hope some of this helps the panic...You are going to be okay smile
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 8mg/day, Mirapex 1.5 mg/day & Lamictal 400 mg/day.


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/1/2010 8:40 AM (GMT -7)   

 

  For me, getitng diagnosed felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I finally had a reason for the way i acted and the feelings i felt. It was very scary and familys are never very supportive of mental health issuses like they are, say cancer. But there are great support groups like here where you can get support from people who actually KNOW what you are going thru.

   We have all been scared, and after scared comes all the other emotions, anger, self pity (its not fair),  wishing it would go away, and finally at the end, acceptance. Once you accept that this is how you are hard wired, and that you didnt do anything wrong to get it, than you can move forward with living with this deseise. (bad speller here. sorry. smilewinkgrin )  Hell i'm a full time firefighter who has run into dangerous situations without a care, and guess what, at age 42 this still scares me silly. I'll take a burning building anyday of the week, because i know what it will do. My mind however, even with meds, is still stable only 80 percent of the time. 

   ANd i have preached this before, acceptance and viewing this not as a curse but as a blessing. If you are bipolar you will experience a natural high (called hypomania) that makes all the drugs out there seem lame. You will have great creativity, great passions will swing thru your life, you will feel and live deeper than most other "normal" folks. There will be bad days, even bad months and the odd bad year. But if you accept this for what it is there will be lots of good days, a bunch of great days, and a few out of this world days.

     I hope this helps you. Keep posting  we are here for you.

      Bill


AgentTex
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 3/1/2010 12:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh wow, thankyou both for your lovely and very reassuring replies. It really means alot to me to have found some people who are understanding of what is going on.
 
Mogli - I am to be seen by a psychiatrists soon I hope but ofcourse Im still worried I dont know what happens. I am glad to hear its not only my mum that is being rather unsupportive I felt that surely every parent would be supportive. I havent spoke to her about it since then but she has mentioned it to me but as though it were a rude topic when she barely whipspered "Have you heard from those people?" My husband has gone above and beyond the call of duty for a husband for me he has been a rock to me the last few months and has been there for any time of day (even at work :S) or night. He is a fantastic listener and a huge comfort he is even sending me away for the weekend to visit a family member in Norfolk so I can have some time to myself to try an relax. If it wasn't for him I dont know what I would do. So I am incredibly greatful to him. I will look at the mood charts as I have great difficulty in expressing myself to other verbally at time so maybe that will help with some of my frustration. Thankyou again I am so pleased to find other people who do understand its means so much.
 
Happy Bill - I know how you feel as I did feel slightly better knowing that there is possibly something (I dont like to use this word) wrong with me and a reason why I behave like this. I can see why families are unsupportive as I suspect you cant really produce much phsyical evidence because it is what is inside your head alone and cannot be seen where as as you say with cancer you can be shown a picture of what is wrong. I have been feeling a bit why me but I suppose there must be a reason? I do now feel I dont have much right to be scared now though seeing as you are a firefighter I think I would quite literally wet myself in those kinds of situations but also it gives me hope to see that you have a sucessful career meaning that I can too and this shouldnt hold me back from doing what I want to in life so that is a big comfort to me. Thankyou for you kind words and great advice.
 
Thankyou I cant tell you how much better this has made me feel Im still nervous but to have spoken to you guys and you are both very suppportive you dont even know me but you held a hand out to me and offered your opinion, surrport an advice. I am really glad that I now have a place to come and talk to people without fear of being told Im being stupid or silly or just brushed aside..... It'll give my husband a little break too lol

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/1/2010 2:56 PM (GMT -7)   

 

   You are absolutly very welcome and you are in a place that really does understand where you are and where you will be. We are very supportie and i encourage you to jump in and offer any support you can to others. I really believe we help ourselves when we reach out and help others in need. 

  You are right, we cant point to a point on our body and say, i have a brokenn finger, i have diabeties, or whatever other disease or injury you can think of. You have to be born with it, and we live our entire lives with this, and we learn coping mechasisms without even realizing it even before we are diagnosed. People can sympanize with pain or a broken finger, but just as  a man can never understand what its like to give birth, normal people can never understand what its like to be us. And that is both a good thing and a sad thing for them.
 
   So hang in there and keep us informed. We are here most all the time, so if you need a hand just reach out. And also if you are having a good day post and we can all celebrate it with you.
 
  Bill
  

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 3/1/2010 5:20 PM (GMT -7)   
You may want to contact a lawyer if it calms your nerves.  When getting divorced, my lawyer told me that (in the state I live in) mental illness is only held against a parent IF the parent does not get treatment.
 
Your husband is your greatest ally in this.  I cannot express how much I value my SO's support.  How you tell him is important.  Giving him time to "digest" it and come to terms with it will be important.
 
Not telling is going to eat you alive.  It will be hard, but I hope it is worth it!

AgentTex
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 3/2/2010 3:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks happy bill for your kind words althought I wasnt aware that I was born this way my doctor obviously wasnt very good at giving me all the details lol. I didnt assume it was something I could catch obivously I just sort of assume you delevoped it from I have no idea. Well that at least can help with my mother if I decide to try an discuss it again with her she seems to feel my exb/f did this to me. I tried to explain that no one can give it to you but was unable to state where it comes from.
 
Tortoise 11 - Thanks you for your advice I think I will ask a few question I do have a friend who is a lawyer and it would really put my mind at rest to know they wont take my daughter away. My husband has told me numberous time that our daughter wont be taken away as he is a "fit" parent (before I completely lost it at what I thought was being called unfit mother he explained in "normal society") But he is not a lawyer lol so thankyou I will do that an see what comes back. Good things hopefully.
 
 
On the upside after getting a few worries out of my mind on here I would like to say that I am having a really good day so far I feel really good about myself, the sun is out, my daughter is a bull in china shop but we are having a great day and it feels so good. Thankyou.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/2/2010 10:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi AgentTex,

Welcome to HealingWell and I'm pleased you've received such supportive responses already.

You don't have to be afraid. It is true that bipolar is a life-long condition, but it is treatable, and most of us are more comfortable once we're being appropriately treated. Also, I agree that you can talk to your lawyer about your concerns with you have, but I doubt you have ANYTHING to worry about in regards to your daughter. Judges don't take children away from parents simply for having a mood disorder. Do you love and nurture your daughter? Of course you do. End of story. Imagine all the children that would be displaced for all the 6 million people in the US that have bipolar alone.

I'm glad you've got an appointment with a psychiatrist. That is the right thing to do. Let us know how things go. It really helps to have support when it comes to medicine and therapy.

Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

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