Can my disease be that bad?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 3/2/2010 12:22 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm on such low doses of abilify and seroquel XR right now, 2.5mg and 50-100mg respectively, and doing pretty good. I'm being told that these are very low doses. It occurs to me that on such low doses, perhaps my disorder isn;t as bad as I've been led to believe all my life.

I look back on my own life, at all the ups and downs, and I can see all the bad decisions, all the depressions, all the manic upsets I've had. I know when I'm out of control, but right now I can't fathom that I'm really that bad off if I can feel this stable on such little medication despite my history of such horrible decisions and actions.

I look back at the suicide attempts, the deep dark depressions. I see the paranoid eposiodes, the manic delusions and hallucinations. The full blown dementia episodes, the involvement with drugs and alcohol, self medicating myself without realizing it. I remember shoplifting from my own job and getting caught, and physically feeling the world 'winding down' around me as the haze of mania came crashing down around me bringing me back down to earth.

How can such a small amount of medication possibly control a disorder that has caused so much destruction in my life???

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 3/2/2010 3:15 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Kiraz,

That's because we are all made different!  Dosages will always be different for everyone. 

Don't focus on the amount of the drug that you are getting right now, just be glad that the current dosage that you are on IS WORKING for you! 

There most likely will come a time in your life that your dosage will change and that is why it is very important to keep all of your pdoc appts and let him/her know of any issues/difficulties that may arise with your current dosage. glad that you found something for now that works well for you.  It can take many of us a long time and some years to find that correct balance!

Best wishes!

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/2/2010 12:14 PM (GMT -6)   

Sukay is absolutely right. You are on a small of medication, but I would feel grateful you're not being overmedicated and that you can be steady without too much medicinal intervention. Please don't think about going off your meds, since they're clearly stabilizing you right now.

I'm on 5 mg of Abilify myself -- more than that makes me manic. Sometimes a small dose is just right.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 3/2/2010 3:53 PM (GMT -6)   
it just doesn't seem like such a small amount of meds can control me when previously it took so much. Kind of boggles my mind when I'm thinking about it.
Diagnosed Bipolar 1995
Successfully Treated now in 2009.
Abilify 2.5mg 1xpm, Seroquel XR 50-100mg PM. Topamax 75mg 2x daily

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