I'm on such low doses of abilify and seroquel XR right now, 2.5mg and 50-100mg respectively, and doing pretty good. I'm being told that these are very low doses. It occurs to me that on such low doses, perhaps my disorder isn;t as bad as I've been led to believe all my life.
I look back on my own life, at all the ups and downs, and I can see all the bad decisions, all the depressions, all the manic upsets I've had. I know when I'm out of control, but right now I can't fathom that I'm really that bad off if I can feel this stable on such little medication despite my history of such horrible decisions and actions.
I look back at the suicide attempts, the deep dark depressions. I see the paranoid eposiodes, the manic delusions and hallucinations. The full blown dementia episodes, the involvement with drugs and alcohol, self medicating myself without realizing it. I remember shoplifting from my own job and getting caught, and physically feeling the world 'winding down' around me as the haze of mania came crashing down around me bringing me back down to earth.
How can such a small amount of medication possibly control a disorder that has caused so much destruction in my life???