I believe my husband has Bipolar Disorder, and noone will help me!

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june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/9/2010 6:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello All



I have lost my husband to Bipolar Disorder I believe, and have noone's support in the matter. My husband has never been diagnosed, nor does not want to be diagnosed. He is enjoying his new liberation, because he has left me and the kids (yet he still hasn't left the home) and is living a life of binge partying, drinking, sex I am sure which occurs every night all night without fail. He has spent all our money, and we are so far in debt that the 12 years we have worked and built has been lost in a mere 6 months. He has affairs, with young girls in their early 20s and late teens, we are both 34. To him I am now old...he says the most harshest things and has become abusive to me, even infront of my children. Everything he does, staying out all night, etc...is all my fault...I work from home, so I don't work all of a sudden, he is out all night, because he doesn't want to see me....what????We are no longer married, so I should stop being in denial, he just decided that one day...etc...etc...

Finally I gave up, sold the house (when I found signs that a girl was in my house) and started ignoring him...he didn't like that, he became very anxious and one night, broke down crying and saying how sorry he was and how he ruined our lives, and how much he loves me...of course after months of hell, I wanted to believe him so bad, I took him back, just to have him continue treating me like garbage...and we are back in the same situation.

I am filing for seperation, which I have been trying to do since November when I caught him with a teenage receptionist at his work, yet I keep stalling because he always says he wants to fix the marriage, of course after he destroys another part of the house in his rages...well guess what the seperation is back on, and now I believe I will be getting a restraining order as well, once I leave the house. He is dangerous and out of control.



One minute he loves me and is sorry for what he says, the next he wants me DEAD and despises me. I have sold our home and whatever money we are making is going to all the debt he has incurred on his shopping sprees, ... (I really believe, but haven't proven yet) and of course wining and dining his *****s, who believe he has money, because he goes to clubs and greases the bouncers, then pays cover then pays for drinks all night long. He boasts about this...taking the food out of my children's mouths and giving it away to strangers, during his manic Grandios episodes. My husband has never done this before...he doesn't blow money, he certainly doesn't enjoy shopping or wasting money...I don't recognize this man anymore...Things he says make no sense to me like, I am a beautiful woman yet I am one of 10 billion beautiful woman, yet he is one of the top 5 gorgeous men in comparison to George Clooney...or he is not a bachelor, he is The Bachelor, like on TV...I guess that means juggling many girls.



I have tried getting him to therapy with me, which he went a total of 3 times...and our therapist agrees I maybe right, but she says unless he is willing to get treated there is nothing I can do. He agreed to go to his GP and have a bipolar assesment, of course while doing the test, he lied about every single thing and the doctor looked at me like I was a wife in denial that my marriage was over, and to pretty much get over it, or deal with it through a therapist or a lawyer, was his exact suggestion...well that doctor got a piece of my mind. I corrected all my husbands tales for answers, and then as the doctor pulled me aside, I advised him of many scenerios which make me strongly believe that my husband is suffering from some sort of mental disorder. I told the doctor, it's fine, you say he is fine, then he is fine...I can gladly leave knowing he is fine...but if he crashes, and he will crash, I told the doctor that's on him not me...so don't call me! I guess I kind of scared the doctor because he went back to my husband and asked to refer my husband to a phsychiatrist, my husbands response was "Not unless I am forced to by a court order"....does that sound like someone who wants help. Definately not! He has destroyed the marriage and family, and I will never believe another word from his lying deceiving mouth again, so he better not even dare come crying to me again...everytime I cry, he insults me and throws me out, so as my 11 year old son says, do not cry for him again mom, or my 6 year old daughter says, just quit mom...so I am taking the advice from my kids for their sanity and mine and leaving.



I AM DONE!

I have given my husband all the benefit of the doubt against the better advice from everyone who loves me and are seeing me go through hell...

Please tell me if I am alone in this, because I have no clue how anyone gets their spouse into a pyschiatric hospital for treatment and medication, which he desperately needs, when he manipulates and lies to everyones faces including me...they all think he is the same guy they knew...when they see him once in awhile, but I believe people who see him daily are catching onto his lies and bs...I know he has been warned at work several times and maybe fired, this for a man, who always thrived and was the golden boy in every position he held...What a waste of a beautiful and brilliant man...this disorder is deadly!

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 3/9/2010 8:24:21 PM (GMT-7)


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/10/2010 4:22 AM (GMT -7)   

 

  First welcome and secondly let me say how sorry i am for you that this desease has wreaked  your life. If  you look around here you will find most of the BP  people here have taken responsiblity for their desease and have accepted that treatment including meds is the only option aviable to them if we want a normal life. Your hubby is completely out of control and unless he sees a problem than no one will be able to convinnce him he has a problem. My advice is to get some helpp for yourselves and give yourself time to recover from this mess. Getting away from him is your only option at this point.

    And if it helps take solace inthe fact that he didnt do this on purpose. He is sick, the same way cancer can sneak up on you so can this desease. I'm not saying it excuses what its done, but in his defence he also is a victaim here also. Here is hoping he gets help before something very bad happens to him.  ANd here is hoping you can recover and rebuild your life and soon be smiling again.

  Bill


june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/10/2010 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for both your kind words...I am at my witts end
 
I have done so much research on the disorder, and have realized, that over the years he always fell into a funk around his birthday and Nov, I do realize they were depessions that progressed longer over the years...I always tried to be supportive and took the verbal abuse because I never understood where it came from...once he would come out of it though, he would always be apologetic, and assure me he never meant anything he had said, and would try and buy me back...like the last major one before the utter melt down, he took me on a trip for my birthday, which was wonderful...just the two of us...it was like we were honeymooners again.
 
It is genetic, I am positive of that...that's why it surprises me that noone, especially his own mother and brother will believe me...they just say he is selfish and are disgusted in him...He has pushed away his entire family, now mine too, close friends, and has begun hanging out with strangers, who I have no clue who they are because I am never with him, when he goes out all night, every night. His father, who left him at 5 days old, and denies him to this day, we just found out has Parkinson's Disease, and has suffered from depression (possibly Bipolar as well) from his 30s to present. My husband's mother as well suffers from Depression, and nearly committed suicide, just before the birth of my daughter. She was in a psychiatric hospital for about a month...my husband mentioned a few times that when he went to see her, she was so out of it, it really freaked him out. His older sister, is not right as well...she is a nice person one day, and an evil person the next...I guess sort of like my husband.
 
Everyone I speak to, tells me to let him crash, that is the only way he will get help. As long as I am here I am enabling his behaviour, because he believes I am his doormat and love him so much, that I will put up with anything...or so he thought! He says he never in a million years thought I would sell the house, or file for seperation....he thought I would just stay home and cry and wait....did that too long...my life is passing me by as well, I just can't do it anymore...especially now since I caught him twice (even though I am certain there are many more)with different girls.
 
I have given him so much information, he laughs and tells me I am Bipolar not him, because one minute I am crying then next I am angry...this is emotional hell, not Bipolar. My head is straight, it just sometimes refuses to work, because my heart takes over and causes me to falter...but I know what is staring me right in the face...and it most definately is not the husband I have loved and grown up with since 18 years of age...that I am certain!
I did start changing his diet, adding more Omega 3s, buying deli chicken with no nitrates, etc...but once everything started unravelling, I just stopped cooking for him all together...he constantly eats fast food...a couple of times when I gave in and gave him some food, he would be so thankful and grateful...almost like he was acting, but then he would walk out the door all night long again, so forget it...not happening. I have given him so much research about bipolar, a few weeks ago, I showed him a youtube clip of Maurice Benard, from General Hospital (which I watch, and he always comments that Sonny's cool, when he's home watching it with me) he definately saw similiarities in Maurice's story about his Bipolar illness...his response was as usual, that everyone feels that way, everyone has ups and downs...I keep telling him no, not everyone, but if you feel this way,you need medication and treatment, just like other Bipolar sufferers are doing...he will never admit it.
He says, His Head is ****ed (can't say it, but you know what I am saying) and that's it, no fixing him...so he would rather just give up, and give in.
 
So I too must give up and give in to the disease...only he can help himself, he has become his own worse enemy, and instead of thanking me for putting up and doing everything in my power to help him, he calls me nasty things, and lies, cheats and also steals from us.
I am not financially stable, not at all, but Thank God, I have a wonderful family who are currently redoing their basement for me and my kids to move into...my family are very supportive of me, but have turned their backs to him..and he has noone to blame but himself. We all tried to help, I got him therapy, which I am in myself, and today I will be bringing my children for their first session...and I got him to do an assesment, which was a joke to him...so time will tell!

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/11/2010 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   
From the out of control guys point of view ( i was one once) it took me hitting rock bottom, having a series of affairs, risky behavior, almost losing my marriage, and finally my wife taking a corkscrew to me (she missed my carotid by a half an inch) to realize it was ME who had the problem, not her. The very insidious nature of this desease is that it sneaks up on you slowly, and changes how you see things, without you really realizing what is going on. Like i have said before i wasnt "normal" one day, bumped my head,a nd woke up bipolar the next, everything bad that i did i could completely justify in my own mind.

Example. I was hypomanic to almost completely manic for days on end. Part of that is something called hypersexual (think engerizer bunny). Since my wife didint want to have sex every day than she wasnt fulfilling her part of the marriage contract and i had a RIGHT to go seek pleasure from another person. SOunds crazy huh??? But at the time under a full mania it made PERFECT sense..

Your hubby will need to crash and hit rock bottom and accept treatment as his only salvation. This isnt a sprain that if you keep off of it it will heal itself, we get worse with age and worse without treatment. Without the meds to bring us down, we are completely lost in our own mind. I will keep a good thought for you an d your family today and hope today is the day your hubby gets a moment of clarity and finds the help he needs.

Big hugs BIll

june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/11/2010 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bill and It's genetic,
 
I need to ask you guys a question...what is he experiencing? What is going through his mind as he does these stupid insane things? He says one thing and next he says a complete other story and when I don't buy his bull, he snaps. I am ignoring him the best I can right now and living my life, including going out with friends... he wants to know where I am, whom I'm with, and assumes I'm always off with another man...which I am not! He goes out every night and answers to noone, but he expects me to be home with the kids every night, sitting waiting for him. I do not leave the kids unattended, they are safely at my parents home, which he always knows, when I am out...and instead of waking them, I always just spend the night at my parents (which isn't on a constant basis mind you, I hardly go out)...like last night I got a last minute invite to a concert, because there was an extra ticket my friend had for the ACC box, of course I am going to go right???? He blatantly texts his girlfriends right infront of me, and says how he has sooo many, but then acts jealous that I am trying, as hard as I can, to move on. I am also trying to pack this morning, and he is having a hissy fit, because I am taking the knick knacks that majority of them were given to me from members of my family...like bombonieres, etc....he doesn't care for this crap, but apparantely today he does....What Is Going on in this sick person's head? I am exhausted of trying to figure him out....he does not believe he is sick at all, he believes he is living the best life with all his "friends"...that he threw away his wife, kids and entire family for....can he really be happy? My therapist is starting to doubt that he is bipolar because he hasn't admitted to anything...even though I have told her instances that I strongly believe to be true...she says it may be him just trying to find his identity...well he was better off with the fasaud of a man he was before, at least people admired and loved him, now we all look at him as gutter trash who slums around out all night long with strangers...and God only knows what else...again I ask, how could he have chosen this life for himself???? and why does he turn on me all the time? why am I the root of all evil, is it because I hold him accountable and know every bad thing he does and won't roll over and accept it as this is my life? INSANITY!

june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/11/2010 12:50 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks bill...i didn't see that response before I wrote my comment..I didn't get a message sent to me...but anyways thanks...I am glad you had the rock bottom moment in time to save your marriage and family, but I dont' believe he will hit it...he is enjoying himself to much....he is living the life he believes he missed because he married me and had children too young ... which is crazy, because we never missed a thing...we were the IT couple...we partyed, had everyone at our home all the time...bbq'd, went out, had cool kids who enjoyed hanging with our friends, etc....
could his excuse be because I took off for a summer break with the kids last year to Malta, so this justifies his behaviour? he could do other women, and end the marriage, because I went to Malta at our home there, to enjoy some time with my kids for summer break, which he joined us for 3 weeks and had a blast...he was acting weird before I left, this has been over a year now I believe he has been cheating...right after his sister's wedding when all hell broke loose...that was the 1st time I saw him fully enraged, at his mother, not me then...but now he is the same way with me

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/11/2010 5:24 PM (GMT -7)   

 

   Whats hard for you to understand, and this is true for any person who is "normal" is how logical his thoughts seem to him. Its like you trying to explain to me, a man, what being pregant is really like.  You could use every word in the world, have the greatest writers and poets assist you, and even then, it would only be a pale image of what it really is like. Same for what we go thru, we feel like we are completely right, we are totally sane and under control, and can rationalize almost anything. I thank whatever power that rules the universe that it granted me a moment of clarity to see what i was doing was wrong.

   And not to be to graphic, but you need to hear this. This isnt YOUR fault in any way. He is sick. I was sick to when i was running around having affairs left and right, however i BELIEVED in my mind i was completely justified and correct.  Like i said before  this isnt your fault at all.

   Bill


june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/12/2010 8:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bill
 
So how did that moment of clarity come? Did you immediately recognize it? Or did you ignore it several other times?
As for the affairs, they aren't just meaningless sex, they are actual relationships right?
Last night I caught my husband on the middle of the street yelling into his phone with I guess one of his "girlfriends", who wanted to talk to me apparantely, to prove that we are over!
He doesn't love me anymore, we aren't soul mates he says...etc...etc...He is also convincing me that No man is ever going to want a relationship with me because:
A - I am old (34, same age as him, 2mths younger actually - I am a Nonna)
B - I nagged him too much because I didn't want him going out all the time on his own, for this reason no man is ever going to want to be with me
C - I am a *****
 
Now is that just an ******, cheater/liar...or is that Bipolar?
I am totally confused
He also is convinced I am dating...because I had a Tim's coffee in the day, and then went again and bought for me and the kids, so he saw four cups, and believes a man was here drinking coffee with me and the kids...INSANE!
He then said, i can't lie to him, the biggest Pathological liar in the world...he says he has been lying since birth...but during our good times, only little white lies to me, nothing severe until he stared cheating...which again, he admits then denies...one minute he has several girls, next minute he has none...
 
INFURIATING!
Then he must always answer his texts and calls, all night long. He sleeps with the phone in his hand...which is locked...and attacks me when I want to see it...he texts his girlfriend until 3.30am and would attack me to make sure she is happy...so that means...he has chosen her over his wife and kids...is he in love? and doesn't love me at all?
 
To top it off, as angry as I am, and how bad he treats me...and then agrees with me when I call him dirt, trash, etc that this is what he is...he leaves for work and asks me if I want to meet him and go out tonight? we would have fun, he says....is this a joke or what???? No way in hell...never, ever again...
 
One more thing...how in the hell did your wife ever forgive you? I don't believe I ever will or possibly could

june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/13/2010 8:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi it's Genetic
I do not believe at all that he wants our marriage...he tells me its over, to get over it. He loves me but is not in love with me and we are no longer soul mates. He never speaks like this but I guess he is experiencing what he feels is Real love and a deep connectiong to his mistress or many of them. He says mean degrading things to me, looses his temper and hits me mostly so he can either text or run out to his girlfriend, who is the only priority in his life. He has put her or them above his own kids. Trust me he does not want me at all, that I am certain.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/13/2010 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   
You need out of this marriage, June. Fast. This is not just bipolar you're dealing with. Not all people with bipolar behave this way. At some level, you are just dealing with his incapacities.

Good luck!

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/13/2010 11:35 AM (GMT -7)   

 

  HEy June, these are tough times you are going thru, thankfully many of us have been on this road before and have a feel for the landscape.

   about him, when i was having my break with reality i honestly didnt care a bit about my wife either. I told her it was over, that i was glad she found out since "my pain"could be out in the open now. Even when she attacked me and came clse to killing me i just couldnt care one way or the other. This is hard for you to understand June because in your mind you probally have never had the swings that fly thru us from highest high to lowest low in a matter of a minute. Thats no exeragation there, we can litterly switch completely from one end to the other that fast(at least i can). And like taking  as speeding car and slamming in reverse in the middle of the freeway it casuse lots of damages, same for us. The physical pain of a bipolar mania attack is very bad, like running a marathon and even though your tired you rbody is still trying to run more. The emotional pain of rapid cycling is indescribable, it hurts everywhere.  And spritually also,  even after you come down and get help you still remember the damage you did, the hurt you caused, no one ever wants to think of themselves as the bad guy. Well i was the bad guy, and its a part of my life that still hurts to look back ona nd remmeber how bad of a husband/dad i really was. 

   Some things are still hazy from that couple of days, i dont know how or when the moment of clarity hit me, maybe i just manned up and said enough is enough, maybe god had some pity and helped me out, maybe martian mind control rays took over. I dont know and dont care to know.  Its enough for me that something happened and i began my journey back into the  "normal" world.  But even after that, it took 8 months of meds and therapy for me to be able to function on any level approaching normal.

    Unfortunally June we who hang out here a lot see your kinda posts all the time. The hardest part in trying to help you is to get you to understand that you are truely helpless in the face of this monster. You need to concentrate on getting you and your children away from him, because even if he doesnt do somethine physical, he is still causing you tons of emotional damage. 

    Is your marriage over, No one can say right now if it is or it isnt. But this all has to start with him getting help. That is a non negotiable. If he isnt willing to get realy help, that you have to get out. This will not get better with time it will only get worse. Now there is no saying that if you leave, he clues in  and gets help, that you cant reconstruct your marriage later. One thing you have to do is let the pain of what he has said and done not paint your soul with anger and hate. He is SICK, he is not in his right mind, and for your sake you need to be able to let this go so you dont cloud your future with negative feelings from this time in your life.

   I hope in some small way this is helping you . Keep posting and we will keep trying ot giv eyou support and information. This is a great bunch of people on here, we have walked this path and know it well. 

     Bill


june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/14/2010 9:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Iam moving in with my parents, lately I've been staying here nightly because I just can't see him anymore. He is so disrespectful and purposefully hurtful. He is out of control. Just found out that he got pulled over for DUI, had his licence suspended, yet not once did I see him not drive. Pure insanity! My real husband is nothing like this man now.

june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/16/2010 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Today is a hard day
The people who bought our home came through for a walk through...they reminded of me and my husband when we moved here...young family, new home...excitment...whereas, I am leaving a home I have loved and leaving a life that was great....and have lost my husband. He infuriates me, I can't take it...he blatantly tells me how many times he has sex in his car with his girlfriend...too hurt me...then he tells me how she ain't a stranger anymore...I guess "Love?" and how he never wanted me for a long time....
why he came to therapy a few weeks ago...to try and make the marriage work is beyond me? he constantly says I am seeing someone....I am not...is that to make him feel like what he is doing is ok now? He tells me to go have sex with a man (in cruder terms of course) and that will make me feel better...is that what makes him feel good
 
During this state, if he has a state, is he possibly in love with these other girls...that they are more important than me?

monalisasmile
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/19/2010 5:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi June,
 
I am so sorry you are going through this!  I am there and have been for 7 months.  My husband is ultra rapid cycling bipolar and was diagnosed after he went hypomanic from antidepressants.  He is no longer the man I married, he lives  in a delusional state most of the time.  He rants at me and "fun " time with his girlfriend its so hard because he comes in and out talks,about her talks about wanting our marriage and forgiveness dont calll the lawyer but has just spent the last week with her.  She has actuallly broken it off with her 2x but they keep hooking back up which just triggers more manic behaviors.  It sucks I know.  I belong to a support group where I have friends that have been where they are (your husband and mine) they are wonderful on their meds and it took a big crash just like Bill said in an earlier post.  They relate how they felt and what they remember and how painful it is to think about it as it isn't who they are /were it is a medical condition just as if they had brain cancer they need the meds to take care of it otherwise like Bill said it can and will get worse.  I havent figured out how to get my husband into treatment yet either since hes ultra rapid cycling his reality is always changing. which stinks.  feel free to vent to me anytime and definitely look up a support group... go to nami.com and check out friends and family section . From my understanding the class they offer is outstanding for learning how to handle stuff with them.  During this time they do not handle emotional outbursts well ( the cussing and name calling starts if you confront them with things they do)  Its their reality at the time. They follow what their head is telling them which at times has a million thoughts going on at a time.
 
There are some amazing books out there to read :  the UnQuiet Mind is one by Kay Jamison
check out You tube as well there are several good videos that give you an idea of where they are at.  I was told today that the movie  A Beautiful Mind with Russel Crowe is about bipolar too. 
 
I would agree with you that he is bipolar.  Mine was diagnosed by two Psychiatrists but still has difficulty accepting it ...which is part of it as well as if you are having so much fun how could something be wrong?
 
Take care of yourself and your babies!  Dont hesitate to vent sometimes it helps!
L
 
 
 
 

june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/22/2010 8:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Monalisasmile

How are you so calm? My husband as well is rapid cycling but refuses to get assessed, like I said he lied during his GP screening. He loves this new way of life, he says he gets bored when he plateaus.

My husband is not having sex with just one there are many. The other night he was checking if I was home at night, so he can come here with a new chick he just met and is doing. He brags there are like 40 and the last 10 no condoms, because who cares now, him and I are done. Which believe me we are! Sick or no sick, he disgusts me. 1 more week and the house closes and I am cutting him off! No access! I hate him! I'm mourning the man he was but I will never want him in my life again. He is dirty to me. He's my one and only, and he couldn't even honor me, he needs to get his fix elsewhere.

Like he says, he's alone but he aint lonely.
He doesn't love me, if he did he would get on meds. Why have one when all these girls are coming out of the woodwork for him, he is gorgeous, and he pretends he has money so they flawk to him. We are financially ruined! How can you keep your home? My husband is still here at 1100am when work started at 9am. He doesn't give a crap about anything but partying and getting picked up by strangers. Gross!!!

I meet guys all the time, I'm pleasant, but I have zero desire to do them in my car...I don't care, like everyone yells at me and says he knows what he's doing, he loves it, I'm the one who's sick in the head. I'm done with the excuses...he chose this life as far as I'm concerned, so he can drown in it...the kids and I are long gone.

No chance in hell...you should do the same. We don't deserve this. There is better for us. This is beyond abuse I'm expierincing and I will never be anyones victim again, let alone someone I dedicated my life too. Love yourself first, noone else will. That's my new motto
We should meet up...we need to support all the spouses who are the ones who really are in pain, while they joyride and destroy us in the process. Sorry I'm cinical today but he is getting worse by the second, and I just can't hear about all the fun and sex he's having while I cry...no more! I'm moving on, join me! Its liberating to be free! He's moved on, now so have I. I'm 34 and as he says am old...so I want to find true love that will last a lifetime and he can never offer me that, and after all this I could never accept it from him if he tried to. He's theirs now. They wanted him and he gladly went...leaving without a thought me and our kids
 
Well guess what, after many warnings it happened like I knew it would.
He lost his job, and also his car since it is a demo...next week the house closes so no money for his rent...now I ask....is he happy? since this was all because apparantely he wasn't happy? was this worth it? bipolar definately, no more denial...I know he is no good for me or anyone without meds...and he fights the mere mention of it...so enjoy the downward spiral you are on...I feel sorry for the bump in the head he is going to make up with one day, but there is no way in hell these kids or I are going to witness it! He has caused us a world of pain already. I wouldn't wish this life I am living on my worse enemy

june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/22/2010 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   
oh and Monalisasmile
it has been 7 months of hell for me as well...I am crumbling here...I can't do another day...how can you? if I don't leave, I will lose my mind and I can't afford to since I am the only parent my 2 beautiful strong kids have and I will never brake and lose them...not even for the love of my life...my kids deserve one parent at least who is going to put them first

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/22/2010 9:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey june, wow, what a post. I know this forum is about people suffering from bipolar but i believe your post really hits home as to the destruction this desease can do if left untreated. I am so sorry for you and your family, and if it is completely over with your hubby than i hope you get some help for yourself. You have been thru hell and will need time to grieve and recover from this, you are angry, tired, and understandably emotional right now. You need lots of time and help to get thru this, i hope there is someone there to help you, family, friends, someone.

Posts like this help us understand the damage we can cause, and that only by accepting medication and treatment can we avoid this fate.

Keep posting and i will keep a good thought for both you and your family. Same for you Monalisasmile

Bill

june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/22/2010 10:12 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks Bill!
Sorry to be so blunt...but I am physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted from this man...whatever man he is.
he has destroyed everything...and is aware he is doing it and doesn't care...
he always feels the need to get back at me...for what? what the hell did I do to deserve this?
he called the house and my cell Thurs night to see if I am home, because sometimes I was sleeping at my mom's house, so to get me back, he met some Russian chick and was going to bring her to the house to have sex with her here, rather than in the car...you believe it? This isn't bipolar, this is evil!
Then he told me there have been like 40 and the last 10 no more condoms because who cares now...we are over...like to suggest, I am leaving him not that he has abandoned the children and I, lied through his teeth, lost our home and all our money, and to top it off has had numerous affairs...the marriage is so broken.
sick? he told me he is enjoying the roller coaster ride...who's sick. he tells me I am the one crying, I must be sick.
now he lost his job, yet he keeps on going out with strange girls, because that is the only important thing in his life...the nice variety he is experiencing, I guess he got bored of same "old" me..like he mentions many times...I'm old and fat...fat? I weigh 110 pounds, and am 5 2 petite, but because I carried his 2 children, and have a little loose skin around the belly area, in no ways fat, I'm fat...I guess the teens he is doing, never gave birth once let alone twice and are nice and fit....he's one to talk, he has a beer belly going on, which he never had before

mean pure mean...he tells me all the time, noone will ever want me because I'm old and a *****...yet everytime I walk out the door, I have many opportunities, (which I am not interested in at this time) ... and he knows it, because then he attacks me saying I have boyfriends, or he checks my underwear, for what? i'm not sure...this is sick for sure...can't take it anymore...just can't!

bill, how did your wife take you back?
did you throw all your affairs in her face too, or does she not know about them?
many people here say they left to one woman, not several...not nightly, are they being lied to, or is mine just a nasty greedy one, that is like feasting on all the candy in the candy store...
I couldn't kiss a stranger, let alone, drop my pants for one...what kind of girls are these he is finding?

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/22/2010 10:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey June let me see if i can help you. Yes my wife found out about my affairs, and yes we worked thru it. Mostly because i got help right away and got meds (abilify first, than respridone) into my system.

Did i blame my wife, You bet i did. It was completely her fault that i was out having sex with other people because she wasnt taking care of me in the marriage bed. Now take a good look with what i just said. It does make sense in a twisted kinda way. And the people i was having sex with agreed with me. Remember the old saying there there are three sides to every story, your side, my side, and the truth. In my mind, my "Truth" made perfect sense. My wife wasnt taking care of me so there fore i was completely justified in what i did. Its twisted logic but i bet if you sat down and talked to some strangers you would be surprised how many would agree with it.

As for the hypersexuality he is going thru, i to suffer the same. When i was caught i was having an affair with one woman, one couple (man and woman), and one couple (woman and woman) and i was still looking for more sex. Its probally the closest that i will ever get to understanding drug addiction because i just wanted more and more and more sex. The more varied the better. Not trying to be graphic i am just trying to get you an understanding what hypersexual feels like to us.

Risk taking behavior, i still live with this. When i was really bad safe sex wasnt an issue, any sex was. However i was smart enough to chose people who were of a wealthier and there fore healthier persuasion. Even now i look to jobs that have an element of risk in them. Firefigher and catching shoplifters.

How did my wife take it. Well not good would be one way to describe it. LOL LOL Actually she took a corkscrew and stabbed me 6 times, all to the face and neck area. She came with in a half inch of my carotid artery. So not good is my way of laughing off a bad day in my life.

And if you want to find who would drop pants for him, just go over to craigslist and hit the women looking for men sites. Or adultfriend finder, or affairs now type websites. June there is tons of women out there who are more than willing to drop pants for the right man who is hansome and has money. You have class, but there are even more men who would cheat on their wifes with you in a heart beat also.

I cant imiagine your pain, im not even going to try. I will say again that mourn the loss of your husband to this desease, you dont need to take him back, but he isnt being evil on purpose, he is sick. I hope that you get to a point in yout life that you will be able to look back on the good times with him and cherish them since it was when he was healthy and together you two produced two beautiful children.

Again i hope this hels you in some small way. I really wish i could take away some of your pain, i can feel it thru your posts.

Bill

Post Edited (happy bill) : 3/22/2010 11:43:22 AM (GMT-6)


june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/22/2010 12:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow Bill...Thank you for detailing your experience. I wish you could maybe talk to my husband and see that what he is doing is from the sickness...he believes he is fine, and this is his choice and what makes him happy. I should know where he came from...as he puts it
I wasn't like your wife...I always went to him for sex, he is the one who would push me away this past year...maybe because the affairs have been going on this long...who knows
I always went to him...what he blames me for, and the reason why we can't be together, unless I change are..
1. Get a job because my travel buisness doesn't make enough money for us...note it has only been an issue since he dropped from making 110-120000 a year to now barely 55 000. so I am the problem...the real man I knew would have never stayed to let that happen, he would have left and found something new once he went under 100000, not sit there and blame me to cover the balance...he once quit a job he loved, and a boss he got along well with because his collegue got a 100.00 more Xmas bonus...screw that, he left on New Year's because of that...now???? it's my fault
 
2. I nag him too much...I don't want him going out all the time, so when I went to Malta I gave him freedom, and he took advantage, and loves the single life, and can't stop..so again my fault for trapping him. He always went out with his friends, not as often as now, but with our friends, not strangers...I don't know who he's hanging with now, but they are no good... that's for certain...drugs maybe a major issue as well
 
I always want to attack him to, like your wife did to you, but I won't risk going to jail for him, no way...he can drown on his own, which he will...I can't watch anymore, and I can't hear about all these girls, having sex with my husband...how they are so important, that when they text he must answer, even if right infront of me and the kids, and he will strangle me if I take his cell from him...even though I can't see it since it is locked...
 
Bill are you sure this is Bipolar?
He seems to know exactly what he is doing. He seems to be enjoying it immensely. Except for the two times he broke down crying to me, which lasted a day each only, he seems like his life is the perfect way he wants it to be...he is enjoying every minute.
 
Did you feel guilt or any type of love for your wife at all, or were you numb to her? As well with the meds, once you were clear, how did you feel toward her and to the new women you were with?

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/22/2010 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   

 

   Hey June, " Is it BiPolar?" Well i'm no doctor, but it sounds exactly like me with what i went thru and how i acted. The only difference is that i didnt push my wife away, i wanted sex every darn day and night.

   "He seems to know exactly what he is doing" I was holding down two jobs at 70 hours a week, three affairs, and still taking care of family and everything else. Just because we are crazy doesnt mean we are stupid. I covered my tracks very very well for many years. I got sloppy and i got caught. But i would have convinced anyone that i was in my right mind. Everyone thought it was ADD.

 "did i feel guilt" Nope not at all. In my mind it was her who let me down, and i was doing the only logical thing left for a man to do if his wife doesnt want to have sex. I was only there because she drove me to it.  (Remember that is crazy person rationalization)

 I was still very sweet to my wife, my motto is if life gives you lemons make lemonade. SO i was taking what my wife was giving and finding relief for the rest outside the marriage.  And i was very sweet to those i was with. Just because i am crazy doesnt mean i cant be nice. I've been known as happy bill for many years now, i have always had a nice person personality.

   June the difference between me and your hubby is simply one thing. I was granted a moment of clarity after everything went down. I still to this day do not know why or how it came upon me, just that it did and it saved my life in everyway a person can be saved. Had i not got help i would have had a divorce, missed the last 2 years worth of joy and happiness, and probally would have killed myself if the truth be told.

    Bill  

 

 

 


june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/22/2010 5:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Years? You were cheating for years? She had no clue for years? OMG has he been lying to me our entire relationship to?

june7
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/22/2010 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
You said you were sweet to your wife, but did you love her? If you thought what you were doing was fine, and not wrong, why cheat and lie, why not just tell her and move on? Is this where "the cake and eat it to" comes in. If you can have it all, why not? OMG this opens up so much more possibilities to me, he never comes home now, except late at night...he has a whole other life, who knows how many lives..I feel like an idiot...I can't believe that he could have been with other women this entire time. I need to get away

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/22/2010 6:52 PM (GMT -7)   

 

 I'm sorry June, maybe we should stop talking as it seems it is only upsetting you more. I was only trying to shead some light on where he is at.

  Forum moderator: Maybe we should lock this thread or delete it all together as it is to painfull for some people to read.

 
  Bill

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/23/2010 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
June,

Let me say this one more time, and then I'm going to put a stop to this thread, as it is potentially demoralizing to people who have the disorder:

YOUR HUSBAND HAS MORE GOING ON THAN BIPOLAR. Even if he does have bipolar, which you don't know he does, this is more than just the way bipolar people behave.

Some bipolar people have problems, sometimes they make bad decisions, sometimes they sleep around. BUT NOT ALL OF THEM. Very, very few are mean to their spouses in the way you describe your spouse treating you. He has more than an mood disorder, he is ABUSIVE, and you need to get out of this situation. There's no two ways about it. Medication is not going to cure this. Only a true deep-soul search, years of therapy, and a real desire to change is going to make your husband behave differently. It's not just the mood disorder -- it's him. I have never, ever even CONSIDERED treating my husband the way yours treat you. And I am not unusual.

Now, let me reiterate, at the risk of sounding blunt, this is a board for people suffering with the disease. Not their spouses. We have enough problems without having to try and explain away abusive men. Please seek therapy and please seek assistance from a board designed with your problems in mind.

Here is a list of resources for friends and family:

The following books: Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder by Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston When Someone You Love Is Bipolar by Cynthia G. Last
The following websites: Help For Surviving Your Spouse's Mental Illness
Bipolar Significant Others,
The Bipolar Spouse
There is also a forum for significant others in NAMI's Online Communities
And one for family and friends at Pendulum.org
And the Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group at Daily Strength.

Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

Post Edited (serafena) : 3/23/2010 10:31:42 AM (GMT-6)

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