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32flavors
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/11/2010 7:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,
 
Just wanted to introduce myself.  My name is Carrie and I'm from Omaha, NE.  Was diagnosed with MDD in 1998, although I think it had been going on for a few years by that point.  It was not until 2006 that they actually figured out I was bipolar, due in part to the fact that NONE of the depression meds were working.  Around that same time, my father's diagnosis was also changed to bipolar, having been diagnosed as schizophrenic for about 20 years.  He also believes his mother was bipolar, although there really were no such diagnoses back then. I have a 7 yo son who I believe is bipolar as well, although the pdoc is calling it 'general mood disorder and anxiety' at this time because he is so young. So I come from a long line of people with mental health issues!
 
Anyway, I'm glad to have found this group.  I'm about to start a med change after being on the same coctail for about 3 years now.  I'm not looking forward to it, but it's just not doing the trick any more and I'm at the max dose for each (zoloft and lamictal).  The doc has switched me to Prozac instead of Zoloft.  I hope it goes smoothly!
 
So hi and nice to meet you all!

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/11/2010 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there yourself and welcome. We are a small but personnal group that is very supportive and nonjudgemental. (heck with this group there isnt much we havnt screwed up. LOL LOL) But we actually KNOW what you are going thru and living with so when you need to talk we are a good bunch of folks to bounce things off of. The med change will be rough, they allways are, but good luck and post here if you need some support.

Nice to meet you and look forward to hearing more from you.

BTW im the resident sexual screw up and suffer from daily hypomanic states (suffer some days, really enjoy it others.t smilewinkgrin )

Bill

32flavors
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/11/2010 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, nice to meet you Bill and we should definitely never meet in person because I am also a sexual screw-up (no pun intended) LOL

Mildlybipolar
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 3/11/2010 11:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello 32! I'm new too! This group has been very insightful so far. They offer a different lens. And Bill, while being a sexual screw up, has never hit on me lol. So his screw ups skew towards females lol.

What's the additional flavor?!?!?
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"
 


32flavors
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/11/2010 12:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, I'm a female! LOL Sorry, Bill, I don't even know you! 32 flavors is actually a song - my personal anthem lol - by Ani Di Franco.

Mildlybipolar
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 3/11/2010 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
She's a great artist! Very underrated in pop culture. I'll check out the track. But it couldn't have been as good as Baskin adding a new flavor mmmmmmmm! lol
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"
 


Kiraz
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 3/11/2010 3:16 PM (GMT -7)   
wait, there's other sexual screwups here? I thought I was the only one!
Diagnosed Bipolar 1995
Successfully Treated now in 2009.
Abilify 2.5mg 1xpm, Seroquel XR 50-100mg PM. Topamax 75mg 2x daily


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/11/2010 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   

smhair    You have to be able to laugh at yourself, and boy did i do a lot to laugh at.  Lordy if we all got together to swap stories it would put penthouse, hustler and playboy to shame. LOL LOL LOL smhair 

   Never had any interest in drugs or alchol. Maybe because i have so much hypomania its better than any drug out there. LOLL LOL  

   And yes i do claim that title. LOLLOL  and when i was manic even the sheep wernt safe. LOL tongue tongue tongue turn

    Bill


Mildlybipolar
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 3/11/2010 5:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Bill - right again, on two counts.

I love the "high" my hypomania causes me. It's creative adrenaline, but when I stop and acknowledge it, it's better than any buzz from alcohol.

As for the sexual screw ups, YOU can be the one to start that post...or a whole new board, or blog for that. I'd read, and heavily contribute. Ahhhh, the misdeeds of a young DJ!
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"
 


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/11/2010 6:15 PM (GMT -7)   
 
  LOL I think we would scare way to many people with that post. LOL LOL LOL
 
   BTW ive been to ani DeFrancos studios in bufflo NY a few years ago. My wife is a fan and i was traveling thru and got to meet her. WIfey was WAYYYY jelous. LOL LOL LOL
  
     Bill

32flavors
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/11/2010 9:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Are we supposed to do a 'quick reply' or 'reply post'?
 
Anyway....Well now *I'M* jealous!  Of the ani difranco thing, not all the other stuff LOL. 
Seriously though, I think the whole 'sexual' side of bipolar is never really discussed much out in the open.  It's like everyone knows, but no one ever talks about it.  Much easier to talk about shopping sprees, even drugs and alcohol, but not the S-E-X!
 
I've been reading through all the threads and I'm just so happy to have found people who know what I'm talking about, lol.  It gets tiring trying to explain to people exactly what bipolar is and how it affects me; it's IMPOSSIBLE when in the middle of an episode.  I look forward to getting to know everyone :)
 
So after being on zoloft for the last several years, I just now took my first dose of Prozac.  The doc had me just switch without tapering - is that normal?
 
 

Mildlybipolar
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 3/12/2010 6:46 AM (GMT -7)   
32, I think you opened the door, at least for me, to discuss some of the sexual stuff. I'd always overlooked my extreme hyper sexuality as "just being a guy" but now that I read some others thoughts (cough, cough BILL! lol) on my first week on this board, I see that that too may be a symptom of my disorder.

I was NEVER sexually or physically abused, or abusive in any relationship in my life so that can't be a culprit for my at times, excessive sexual thoughts.

The only way I could truly pin it on BPD on my sexuality is that the disorder has never allowed me to get close to anyone. It's like an endless sexual cycle. If you're getting it all the time, you want it more. If you're not getting any, you want it more! My last two psychologists have described the issue I came to them with as a life devoid of intimacy. I would agree! As much of my life has always been about the physical, not the emotional, when it comes to women. But its also true when it comes to relationships in general. The average person - not you guys - probably couldn't live my life with the solitude I confine myself to.

When I was younger, I'd take advantage of my job in the music biz to meet women using my magnetic (LOL) and manipulative personality to sleep with them. Unfortunately, they'd wind up really being in to me and the feeling usually wasn't mutual. To me it was just sex. And if it was anything more, it wouldn't last more than a few weeks. My interest waned fast.

As I got older I realized I was hurting people emotionally, and that was a burden to me I didn't want, and I might have also realized how low my normally sky high standards had gotten to just to hook up. So alot of the sex had to come to a screeching halt. The past 2 years have been pretty difficult. I think my "alone" time has been cause of some tendonitis in my arm (thanks BPD!) and I've even thought about **********s - though my moral fiber probably wouldn't let me do something that. I'd rather not spend any time in jail. It would be highly embarassing and my terminal to my job as well, if I were caught. I wish it were possible to find more disease free, rational people for just sex...without having to pay lol

I've always thought I've rarely been truly personal with anyone in life because there are just so few creative people blessed with what we have. I need someone to psychologically, intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally challenge to me if they're going to maintain my interest. But I think it might be time to add sexually challenging to that list of wants that I have in another person.

Bill, this was as clean as it gets lol. Thoughts from everyone? And as always thanks!
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"
 


32flavors
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/12/2010 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Well now what have I done?!? I think the people who share this aspect of BPD appreciate the opportunity to talk about it, at least I do. We're all mature enough to talk about it without going into detail, right???

For me it has been a very shameful subject - I think being a female plays a big part in that. It's hard for me to even talk about with my doctors, let alone people I know. The internet grants me a certain amount of anonymity :) It's much more common for women to be labeled very harshly.

I share many of the feelings you expressed, mildlybipolar. I also appreciate you saying that we have been blessed with what we have. Of course there are times when it doesn't feel like a blessing, but to be able to feel things so deeply I bbelieve is a gift.

Carrie

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/12/2010 8:16 AM (GMT -7)   
I to chose to view this as a gift, i mean "hey" i cant return this so might as well own this puppy and make it work for me. Are there bad days, HECK ya. But in general i have a lot more good days and what i call "truce" days than bad so i am lucky that way.

The sex thing (without being graphic, i am a gentleman) is my addiction of choice. Even now, medicated as i am, i would have sex two to three times a day with different women if it was possible. But with the meds i am more connected to my wife and others around me and therefore CHOOSE to be a good man an husband. I do feel a disconnect to many people, and it shows with my lack of friends. I am outgoing and friendly and will give you the shirt off my back, but i somehow lack that ability to "connect" with poeple in a way to form close frinedships. Thats why i love my dog so much, he accepts me for who i am and only wants love, food, and play. LOL LOLLOL
There is another thread on here from a woman whose husband is in the depths of a major mania/break with reality and sleeping around and doning drugs and just about every other bad thing he can do. She asked why, why why why is he acting that way. I said to her that in his mind it made complete sense. When i look back i know that my wife and i had a very interesting sex life together, (no gory details) and by that i mean VERY interesting smhair tongue. But it wasnt enough for me. Despite all we did and who we did it with it wasnt enough and i kept craving more and more and more. Maybe this is how adrug addict feels, one hit is never enough, two is better,a nd if two is better than 4 if twice as good as that. It completely spirled out of control to the point i was trying to run 3 affairs at the same time. (and when you consider that two of those affairs involved couples i was really on a roll) smilewinkgrin Enen thine it wasnt enough.
When my wife found out she blew her lid, and in my mania i goaded her again and again till finally she stabbed my with an corkscrew 5 times, the last three where to the face and neck. Even then i couldnt feel anything like concern over my actions, i was so buzzed out on mania it just wasnt registering.
I came down the next day and had a brief moment of clarity and saw i had a real problem. That I was the problem no my wife. With that in tow i got an emergcy appoitment with a PDoc and i got a good one. She listened to me ( i was in a hyomania at the time) and after 30 minutes of it diagnosed me right there. I started on abilify that day and that helped a bit. After a month she moved me to respirdone (which scared me) and it was like a weight was taken off my shoulders for the first time in my life. I came back to normal and was able to make progress in therpay and get back to being the good guy i allways wanted to be.

Like i said, sex is my drug of choice, and it can be just as destructive to a life as herion or crack. I'm just thankfull i had a moment of clarity and was able to (with a lot of help) save myself from a disaster of a life.

Bill

Mildlybipolar
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 3/12/2010 9:35 AM (GMT -7)   
32, or can I call you Carrie lol? I almost hopped back on here, after I wrote that and after getting ready for work, to say how relieved I felt to get all that stuff out. I, too, have never shared that stuff with anyone in my life. Not with my dad, who is my rock, nor any of my psychologists. Like you said, thank goodness for anonymity! I would've shared it sooner, if I had ever connected with anyone who I thought could actually comprehend the thoughts that go through my head, instead of just judging me negatively based on how most of society thinks and reacts. But, again, this is why I came to this board. Because while we're not all afflicted the same way by BPD, but are brains are wired alike so we can think like one another.

It's funny, Bill, I was reading your paragraph about never connecting and I could've swore it was ME who wrote that stuff - with the exception of your lousy spelling lol.

Carrie, it is such a gift! No one in life is without problems. So I'd rather be plagued with an over active brain, and sex drive, than just being "average" and worrying about the more common things in life. I have an amazing job, and I've been very successful at it, and I know my disorder is the driving force behind the creativity that's aided my success. And if the creativity didn't do it, I could've just slept my way to the top ;)

Bill...write a book lol. Or go read Electroboy by Andy Behrman. The site, or googling of it doesn't do it justice. It's 280 pages of intense emotions, sexuality, and psychology of people like us.
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"
 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/12/2010 10:33 AM (GMT -7)   
I think there's books in all of us! Truly I do!

Welcome Carrie, we're glad you're here. I'm glad you've found some help already. It really is a comfort to come here and talk to people who go through the same things I do.

Be well one and all,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


32flavors
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/12/2010 12:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, and YES you can call me Carrie :)
"...i am 32 flavors and then some..." ~ ani difranco


Mildlybipolar
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 3/12/2010 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, CARRIE!!!!!!!, hopefully you've enjoyed yourself here so far. For the first time in a while, even though its just online, I feel connected and have some shared emotions with people. It's nice. Like I said, I felt a huge relief when I wrote that post earlier about my sexual situations. So thanks for being an online enabler lol. Go Huskers!!!
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"
 


Mildlybipolar
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 3/12/2010 1:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, I'm Eric.
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"
 


Cateyes
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 89
   Posted 3/13/2010 9:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome 32 falvors, Very glad you are here and I was laughing my a** off at happy bill's replies he is so funny. He has been very supportive of me in my trying times helping me understand my problems and that I am like most everyone else on this sight. I too have struggled with every issue you guys are chatting about but my need for sex was always directed toward my spouse Just more intense with everything goes u know. When he became boring I found someone else who understood me and married him. Although my marriage was 8 yrs long and my next was 5yrs and my current is the best marriage I have ever had. He goes to any place I need to go to and realizes all my needs sexualy. He is most amazing when he found out what my darn problem was. We have researched together and he is very intune with my moods and is so amazingly understanding. He was just proud that I relized I had issues beyond my control and got help for it. We call oursleves the backward couple. We married on spur of the moment without rings only to purchase them after we married. We have been through hell and now that I am medicated we are in bliss. I was always coming at him upset about this or that now I find it's not that important and being happy is so much more fulfilling. he goes with me on my hypomania and loves every blasting minute of it. Although, he is expecting my down time we just take it day by day and love eachother through good and bad.
Bi-polar, Adhd, Anxiety disorder, PTSD with a child with ADHD BIPOLAR Anxiety


Mildlybipolar
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 3/13/2010 2:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Cateyes that sounds like a blissful marriage. I envy you! Rings and weddings are superficial, in my mind, it's the love and understanding that brings and keeps people together. Send a female version of your husband my way ;)
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"
 


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/13/2010 7:24 PM (GMT -7)   

 

 You know cateyes brings up a good point. Once you realize what the problem is it is like a weight being lifted off of you. At least it was for me. Since i now know the beast i am fighting, i can better fight it and learn to live with it.  I'm sure cateyes husband is "SUFFERING" greatly from her excess sexual energy.nono I as a man i can honestly say i FEEL HIS PAIN.  turn tongue wink smilewinkgrin

    I'm glad there are success stories on here also. I love to help those who are down and hurting but it doesnt hurt from time to time to hear good news for a change.

   Bill

 


Mildlybipolar
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 3/13/2010 7:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Bill you couldn't be more right. The day I was diagnosed was like being released from prison. Finally, some clarity on WHY I was randomly getting depressed for no good reason.
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"
 


Christine777
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 3/13/2010 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, I thought I was the only one to suffer this way, as happy bill knows I kinda "lectured" (kindly I hope) him about his sexual stuff.

I have the same difficulty. I am very ashamed of it, I am always trying to keep it in check. I totally understand what everyone said about not connecting sometimes ( I tend to make friends easy but lose them easy too). Cateyes sounds like you have a wonderful guy there, that's super. I kinda have to go it alone, my husband is supportive but so busy he barely has time for me. That's what brought me here, a desperate need to connect and be understood.

When I do make friends I tend to do everything I can to keep them happy and not tell them when I am mad. I am always so afraid to be alone and lose them.

I am happy that everyone in this post had the guts to say what they did about this topic. Very refreshing.

Christine
Bipolar/borderline personality disorder (don't quite understand that, the BPD)
On Haldol, clonazepam, benzotropine, valproic acid.
High Blood pressure (recent May 2009)
Other health issues too.


Mildlybipolar
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 3/13/2010 7:51 PM (GMT -7)   
LOL and you didn't even have to pay $9.50 and buy popcorn! Christine, I've been here a week, and I wouldn't call "meeting" you guys a revelation, but it's been a very positive experience for sure. There no drinking, random hook ups, extended periods of depression or boredom all week. For that I'm so glad I found this outlet.
Bipolar II (diag. 2005)
On my 7th psychologist. *I've moved alot*
Thousands of pages read on my disorder
Looking for people like me
"Whether you think you can, or think you can't - you're right"
 

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