I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…
I tried posting yesterday, but the internet was being way slow and freaky at my house.
No i have never been touched when i was young, so in that regard i cant say a thing to those of you dealing with such issues, that on eis out of my ballpark and you all have my complete support and sympanthy.
Now as for being a hypersexual, out of control, maniac minded sex freak. THAT I CAN SPEAK about> l . I was just trying to say, and probally not very well, was how much dealing with this part of my life has helped me move on and be successful. Yes, i was sleeping with men and women, i was looking for sex everywhere and in every kinda variety. Looking back now i realize i wasnt in my right mind. THat, in effect, it wasnt me in control but instead the BP Mania was pulling the strings. By openign up to my therpast and doctor and even to you guys it has allowed me to take away the sting of of the shame and guilt. Was it hard at first to talk about this, YES, very much so. But i honestly believe that you have to deal with your inner demons if you ever want to hope to defeat them. Those feelign of shame and guilt, just like the bipolar that spawned them, will not get better with age.
AS americans we are all a little uptight when it comes to sex. But listening to what some of you all are saying, about not ever having sex again, or even allowing certain relationships to develop because of sex is only hurting yourselves. Did i do some out of control and crazy things? Yep, but like i said before i look back and give myself a pass. Now if i went out today and did these things i will be much harder on myself, because i know what the problem is and i am taking meds to help control that. In my case the desire is still there, it's just that i have so much more control over this BP thing now that if i followed thru on an impulse it would be a concious act of mine, not a compulsive act of a out of control mind.
This may not help at all bringing up this topic, however i am ove the opinion that this forum is for addressing difficult subjects regarding BP. We have posts that are very difficult to read due to the pain involved, and posts that are happy for having a good/great day. This is just one of those posts where your humble author is trying to point out something that has helped him greatly in his struggle with BP.
And i am worth every penny of the Mcdonalds value meal it costs to have sex with me. LOL LOL
I'm glad i can make you all laugh, honestly it makes my day easier to deal with when i can do something nice for others. Even if it is by being a sexual fantasy to ALL women. LOL LOL LOL
Lordy, i just know i am going to get struck down for this. LOL LOL LOL Just have to keep laughing.
And i dont even want to think about what two BP hyper sexual people could and would do to each other. LOL Even Vegas might throw us out. LOL LOL
Thanks everyone, you have me laughing and smiling also. From now on you all can call me THE BIG SEXY. LOL LOL LOL
I am so goingto hell for that post, i am so going to hell. LOL
Hey monalisasmile, i will do my best with my limted ability to answer your questions.
When we are hypomanic, and that normally includes hyper sexual for me, we are completely out of control but we believe wea re in complete control and are totally justified and in the right in all we do. I put that in bold face to stress the point, because as a "normal" person its hard for you to understand what is going thru our minds. Rapid cycling is by far way worse for me than just being stright up or down. Rapid cycling can change your entire mood from happy (euphoric really) to sucidial depressed in under a minute. Imiagine driving down the highway at 70 and then just shoving the car into reverse. The damage it does is extreme for me, emotionally, physically, even spritually.
When i was out of control i was holding down 3 affairs at once, and two of those were with couples, and still had more than enough to want my wife also. Words cant describe the sheer lust that exists inside you when you are hypersexual.
Now the good news,. With treatment and medications you can still reclaim your spouse. However they have to WANT it also. You cant make a BP person get help, they either see the problem or they continue to believe that they are fine and the world is wrong. Most the people on this board have accepted that BP is a problem, and we all try to make the best of it every day. I am rapidly coming up on my 2 year annivercity of being treated and being a faithful husband all those years.
That said i still live with the desire and a much toned down hypersexuality. The difference now is that i can control the demons inside of me now, with the help of medication.
You have to understand that hypomania and hypersexuality feel GREAT. They are better than the best drug ever and they are free and legal. Turning your back on them is very very hard. I cant begin to describe how hard it is and that is why a lot of BP people stop their meds because the lure of these two things is just so powerful. \
I hope this helps you a bit. If you need to ask more go ahead, i'm very open about this monster i live with.
No problem everyone. For what ever reason i am able to talk about my past mistakes and shed some light for those who are in the dark. BOY that sounded profound.
Anyway im glad i can help.
Oh a challenge, now that would be a book that would sell, happy bill's sexual exploits and 32 flavors's favorite ice cream treats. LOL
That would be the title of the book.
The Adventures of Captian Hypersexual and Which Ice Cream Would Go Best With Each.
Avaiable at all better book sellers for the low price of 19.99. Movie rights to follow. Brad Pitt would have to be me in the film. LOL LOL LOL
32 flavors, who would play you????
And again i say, I AM SO GOING TO HECK FOR THIS POST, I AM SO GOING TO HECK.
Now 32 flavors, whats the fun of being crazy if you cant, well act crazy from time to time. So in my mind if i want to look like Brad Pitt, than darn it, the world and all the PDocs in it cant tell me otherwise. LOL
So feel free to have whoever you want to be you, you will never get and argument from me about that. LOL
Lol lol i would have never thought that, i am of both pure mind and body. LOL LOL I am as pure as the driven slush.
I got two words fo you cateyes. BITE ME LOL LOL
Actually i think you bring up a good point, if we chose a partner who can keep up with us, than do we really need to address the issue? If cateyes gets everything she needs from her SO, and isnt tempted to wander or get into trouble, than is it something that really needs to be considered a PROBLEM? In my case my wife cant keep up, so for me i have two choices, take meds to clam me down, or leave her and find another so i might be able to explore this side of my life.
As allways, liffe presents us two choices, wtih neither being the clear winner or loser.
And cateyes, YOU STINK
LOL LOL L OL
Understanding is the absolute key to this desease. Like my wife said to me today, we have survived a brain tumor, me going over to iraq, affairs (mine and hers) violence, and mental illness. After all that the small problems we face today seem trival by comparison.
Having a real relationship in my life has provided me an rock on which to hold on to when the storm gets to rough.