All about that big scary thing, Sex.

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happy bill
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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/13/2010 11:36 PM (GMT -7)   
 
  You all know me, i've been very upfront about what i have done and how i have handled it. One of the things i have noticed here is that there seems to be a huge amount of shame over this subject.
   This is one of the times i am going to lecture and perhaps give you all who are still ashamed a slight scolding.
 
                                                      IT WASNT YOUR FAULT. 
    
     You were sick the same as me, and you made a series of mistakes that led to you being naked with a (Fill in the blank, Man, Woman, Not exactly sure, or farm animal) tongue tongue tongue   But you are alive and well and need to get some closure on these things.
 
   For what ever reason i completely opened up to my therpast, i gave it to her both barrells and made her blink and blush a few times. LOL smhair  I think she had to look up a few of the things i did on the internet to figure out what they were. shocked shocked shocked .   That said i aired my dirty laundry for her and the world. I got it off my chest and it really did free me to make some real progress in my illness. I won't bore you all with the details, but i covered three of the four mentioned above, (You can guess which three) LOL LOLturn turn
 
     I keep telling people it wasnt your fault, because before we knew what was wrong we were just as much a victiam as those we hurt.  So i give myself a pass on these things because to hold on to them and still suffer for them helps no one, not my wife, not my son, not me, no one.  Now that i know what the issue is, i hold myself responsible for my problem.  
 
    I tell my wife now it is my responsibility to now monitor my own sexual level, if i get out of control i take extra respridone and even some celexa (acts as an anti depressent and kills some of my sexual energy) to help keep me in control.  I know when i start thinking about hitting the internet to find a hookup i am in the danger zone. That if i start looking at ads i am in real trouble, and if i start answering ads (DANGER WILL ROBINSON< DANGER DANGER)  Pills go in, i calm down, i am a good husband another day. YAYyeah
 
    Yes i laugh a lot at myself for my mistakes, what i dont laugh at is the look in my wifes face, (the same face i married and consider the most beautiful face in the world), when she found out what i had been doing. That i dont let  go of because  when i think of straying i try to recal that image and it really does help keep me centered another day.  
 
     For those of you who are still ashamed please get someone  you can talk to and get this out of your system. It wasnt your fault and carrying that guilt day in and day out is only hurting your progress in fighting this desease. You may not be able to ever laugh at it like i do but hopefully you will be able to look back on it and not feel pain and shame.  You wernt in your right mind when you did what you did, but whatever you did you can take it from me that you should give yourself a pass. This is a do over in life, a muligan in golf terms, a freebie.
 
     I read your posts and can feel a lot of your pain and shame. Please listen to me when i say this again. It wasnt your fault.  If you need happiness and joy drop me a post here. I will do my best to make you feel better and hopefully make you laugh. We are all in this desease together. 
 
     Bill 
             
 

MMMNAVY
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 3/14/2010 6:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Bohemian,
I want to assure you that it quite normal to behave in the phases that you have after a sexual assult/molestation. I also second Bill in saying therapy is something to consider.
Take Care,
Navy
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/15/2010 5:02 AM (GMT -7)   

 

  I tried posting yesterday, but the internet was being way slow and freaky at my house.

  No i have never been touched when i was young, so in that regard i cant say a thing to those of you dealing with such issues, that on eis out of my ballpark and you all have my complete support and sympanthy.

  Now as for being a hypersexual, out of control, maniac minded sex freak. THAT I CAN SPEAK about> ltongue smilewinkgrin wink .   I was just trying to say, and probally not very well, was how much dealing with this part of my life has helped me move on and be successful. Yes, i was sleeping with men and women, i was looking for  sex everywhere and in every kinda variety. Looking back now i realize i wasnt in my right mind. THat, in effect, it wasnt me in control but instead the BP Mania was pulling the strings. By openign up to my therpast and doctor and even to you guys it has allowed me to take away the sting of of the shame and guilt. Was it hard at first to talk about this, YES, very much so. But i honestly believe that you have to deal with your inner demons if you ever want to hope to defeat them. Those feelign of shame and guilt, just like the bipolar that spawned them, will not get better with age. 

  AS americans we are all a little uptight when it comes to sex.  But listening to what some of you all are saying, about not ever having sex again, or even allowing certain relationships to develop because of sex is only hurting yourselves. Did i do some out of control and crazy things?  Yep, but like i said before i look back and give myself a pass. Now if i went out today and did these things i will be much harder on myself, because i know what the problem is and i am taking meds to help control that. In my case the desire is still there, it's just that i have so much more control over this BP thing now that if i followed thru on an impulse it would be a concious act of mine, not a compulsive act of a out of control mind.

        This may not help at all bringing up this topic, however i am ove the opinion that this forum is for addressing difficult subjects regarding BP.  We have posts that are very difficult to read due to the pain involved, and posts that are happy for having a good/great day. This is just one of those posts where your humble author is trying to point out something that has helped him greatly in his struggle with BP.

     Bill


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/15/2010 3:50 PM (GMT -7)   
 
  QUOTE "Howdy happy sexy bill,"  So i see you've joined the Happy Bill XXX website. Thank you for your fee of 39.99 a month and with that you get all access to the sexiest BP man on the web. LOLturn tongue wink smilewinkgrin  
 
    Now a quick question, WHO HERE THINKS MY MEDS NEED TO BE ADJUSTED??????????yeah yeah yeah
 
    LOL LOL LOL  I'm a BPII with ADD
 
   ANd thank you for visiting my website, LOL LOL LOL 
 
    Gotta keep laughing. I'm always here to bring happiness and joy into your lives. LOL LOL LOL
 
  Bill 

32flavors
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/15/2010 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh dear....

"...i am 32 flavors and then some..." ~ ani difranco
 
and yes, you can call me Carrie :)


32flavors
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/15/2010 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
happy bill - I just wanted you to know that you crack me up. Your honesty and TMI (LOL) are awesome.
"...i am 32 flavors and then some..." ~ ani difranco
 
and yes, you can call me Carrie :)


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/15/2010 6:08 PM (GMT -7)   
*Fumbling for credit card...*
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar and Depression Forums
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/15/2010 7:10 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  And i am worth every penny of the Mcdonalds value meal it costs to have sex with me. LOL  LOL turn smilewinkgrin

    I'm glad i can make you all laugh, honestly it makes my day easier to deal with when i can do something nice for others. Even if it is by being a sexual fantasy to ALL women. LOL  LOL LOL

   Lordy, i just know i am going to get struck down for this. LOL LOL LOL Just have to keep laughing.

   And i dont even want to think about what two BP hyper sexual people could and would do to each other. LOL Even Vegas might throw us out. LOL LOL nono nono nono

    Thanks everyone, you have me  laughing and smiling also. From now on you all can call me THE BIG SEXY.  LOL LOL LOL

   I am so goingto hell for that post, i am so going to hell. LOL devil devil devil devil

   Bill


monalisasmile
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/19/2010 6:07 PM (GMT -7)   
HI Happy Bill,  Im fairly new here I am a spouse of someone with ultra-rapid cycling bi polar my husband was diagnosed after antidepressants mad him go over the edge. He has been involved with a gf since that time and has come in and out of our lives more so in the past 2 months---he had episodes of hypersexuality with me ...continuing to keep going even though I asked him repeatly to stop he would only stop after he could !!!! which usually took a time.  He did this with me when he believed he was broken up with his girlfriend and I did as well, currently he is manic again and with her.  Can you describe any of the feelings that you were experiencing like the intense need, was I just a fill in?  since there was no one else at the time  Im kind of confused by the whole thing I can tell its part of the illness but I dont get the back and forth with her and me ...the sex... the flip flopping ...what brought you back to your wife?
sorry so disjointed with questions not sure how to ask.  thanks L

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/19/2010 8:42 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  Hey monalisasmile, i will do my best with my limted ability to answer your questions.

 When we are hypomanic, and that normally includes hyper sexual for me, we are completely out of control but we believe wea re in complete control and are totally justified and in the right in all we do. I put that in bold face to stress the point, because as a "normal" person its hard for you to understand what is going thru our minds. Rapid cycling is by far way worse for me than just being stright up or down. Rapid cycling can change your entire mood from happy (euphoric really) to sucidial depressed in under a minute. Imiagine driving down the highway at 70 and then just shoving the car into reverse. The damage it does is extreme for me, emotionally, physically, even spritually.

   When i was out of control i was holding down 3 affairs at once, and two of those were with couples, and still had more than enough to want my wife also. Words cant describe the sheer lust that exists inside you when you are hypersexual.

   Now the good news,. With treatment and medications you can still reclaim your spouse. However they have to WANT it also. You cant make a BP person get help, they either see the problem or they continue to believe that they are fine and the world is wrong. Most the people on this board have accepted that BP is a problem, and we all try to make the best of it every day. I am rapidly coming up on my 2 year annivercity of being treated and being a faithful husband all those years.

   That said i still live with the desire and a much toned down hypersexuality. The difference now is that i can control the demons inside of me now, with the help of medication.

   You have to understand that hypomania and hypersexuality feel GREAT. They are better than the best drug ever and they are free and legal. Turning your back on them is very very hard. I cant begin to describe how hard it is and that is why a lot of BP people stop their meds because the lure of these two things is just so powerful. \

   I hope this helps you a bit. If you need to ask more go ahead, i'm very open about this monster i live with.

    Bill


monalisasmile
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/20/2010 3:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Bill... THANK YOU so much for being so open and honest with me about the feelings.  I am having an extremely hard weekend, my husband who just two weeks ago wanted to come back to me and our family has been out with his girlfriend and staying with her for the past 5 days.  It is so immensely difficult knowing that he is not well, not himself and that this is not him... but the pictures that race through my "normal" mind are so hurtful and depressing.  I am really starting to wonder where her head is at as to why she cant see he is not well and at times (very repetitive) both in everyday things and with the dirty talk during sex.  He got quite offended once when I told him no- he stormed out of the house and slammed the door went back to his apt.  He knows exactly what to say to get it as well.
I know she tried breaking it off once- but both of them are addicted to the affair. He went really low verbally suicidal (no attempt)  when she broke it off with him.  In the past he has always kept in contact with me on a daily basis but this last week i told him no contact with me ...so he actually stuck to it :( !and since he emotionally abused the kids ( i know not intentionally) that he is not welcome here until he can be a responsible father.  Not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing he has to feel some consequences of his actions.  He talks openly about her to the kids he told them it was over with her and he wanted to work on coming back home....but like you said he "feels" too good with her and are life has nothing but hard work and stress associated with it.  confused  That part is so odifficult for me.  How can we win...we cant..until he crashes ..but who knows when that big wake up will come.  He is also self medicating with alcohol and she provides him pot.  so I am up against a brick wall.  IHe tells me in his lower states he still loves me and never wants to commit to the divorce but how do I know that she isnt filling his head with all sorts of stuff to make him feel that the affair is more normal than our relationship.  (my husband has jeans in his closet that have been around longer than shes had relationships for.  Anyways I find myself going on and on about my feelings about all of this  thanks again thanks for listening and CONGRATS on keeping faithful I am sure your wife loves you even more!
 
L

tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 3/20/2010 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Atta boy Bill. We carry all this guilt and baggage around, no wonder we need an arsenal of drugs to get through the day. Thank-you.

Amery Jean
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/21/2010 1:19 AM (GMT -7)   
yeah Hi Bill,  being on the other end ofthe stick......I live with a man that never thinks about sex until he is in his mania part of deppresion .....its fun when he is home....I feel your confusion...........Linny

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/21/2010 12:20 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  No problem everyone. For what ever reason i am able to talk about my past mistakes and shed some light for those who are in the dark. BOY that sounded profound. shocked shocked tongue tongue  

   Anyway im glad i can help.

  Bill

 


32flavors
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/21/2010 4:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm also willing to share :) I think I'm the female Happy Bill, lol.
"...i am 32 flavors and then some..." ~ ani difranco
 
and yes, you can call me Carrie :)


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/21/2010 5:18 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  Oh a challenge, now that would be a book that would sell, happy bill's sexual exploits and 32 flavors's favorite ice cream treats. LOL smhair tongue turn wink smilewinkgrin yeah yeah yeah

   That would be the title of the book.

                    The Adventures of Captian Hypersexual and Which Ice Cream Would Go Best With Each. 

  Avaiable at all better book sellers for the low price of 19.99.  Movie rights to follow.  Brad Pitt would have to be me in the film. LOL LOL LOLtongue tongue tongue

    32 flavors, who would play you????

And again i say, I AM SO GOING TO HECK FOR THIS POST, I AM SO GOING TO HECK.

      bILL


32flavors
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/21/2010 5:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Let's see.... are we going for a look-alike or a WANT to look-alike?
"...i am 32 flavors and then some..." ~ ani difranco
 
and yes, you can call me Carrie :)


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/21/2010 5:54 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  Now 32 flavors, whats the fun of being crazy if you cant, well act crazy from time to time. idea shocked    So in my mind if i want to look like Brad Pitt, than darn it, the world and all the PDocs in it cant tell me otherwise. LOL tongue tongue tongue

   So feel free to have whoever you want to be you, you will never get and argument from me about that. LOLyeah yeah

     Bill


32flavors
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/21/2010 6:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, if Brad Pitt is playing you, then I think I would just play myself! **** No, Bill, there's no "with" in that sentence
 

"...i am 32 flavors and then some..." ~ ani difranco
 
and yes, you can call me Carrie :)


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/21/2010 6:16 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  Lol lol  i would have never thought that, i am of both pure mind and body. LOL LOL I am as pure as the driven slush.

   Bill


Cateyes
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 89
   Posted 3/22/2010 7:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Well now I am so Happy everyone here feels better in saying that my sex life is OMG. WTH I found a man whom I love like no other and a man whom can really rock my world. In saying that he is not BP so they must make completely normal people who can hang with a hypersexual BP. I think at times his libido kicks my libido's butt. Reading all you wrote about the sexual exploits I am giving him the eyes and he is winking at me like ready to rock!!!!! Gotta go cause I am like HELL YEAH!!!!!
Bi-polar, Adhd, Anxiety disorder, PTSD with a child with ADHD BIPOLAR Anxiety


Cateyes
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 89
   Posted 3/22/2010 7:25 PM (GMT -7)   
One more question if anyone takes lithium; does this drug enhance your sexual urges.
Bi-polar, Adhd, Anxiety disorder, PTSD with a child with ADHD BIPOLAR Anxiety


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/23/2010 4:30 AM (GMT -7)   

 

  I got two words fo you cateyes. BITE ME devil tongue turn wink  LOL LOL 

  Actually i think you bring up a good point, if we chose a partner who can keep up with us, than do we really need to address the issue? If cateyes gets everything she needs from her SO, and isnt tempted to wander or get into trouble, than is it something that really needs to be considered a PROBLEM? In my case my wife cant keep up, so for me i have two choices, take meds to clam me down, or leave her and find another so i might be able to explore this side of my life.

   As allways, liffe presents us two choices, wtih neither being the clear winner or loser.

    And cateyes, YOU STINK shocked tongue turn smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin

   LOL LOL L OL 

  Bill


Cateyes
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 89
   Posted 3/23/2010 6:54 AM (GMT -7)   
nono Happy Bill, actually I never stink turn !!!!  Yes I needed to address my Bp because I typically was in a mixed state.  Irritation followed with energy out the butt.  I am alot better all the way around with medication.  Now I experience no irritation just energy and a great attitude most of the time.
It' s has been a god send to find someone who can try and understand what I am feeling and be compassionate with me. I have found my bestfriend in this world but I still realize I have a problem and I have typically been the mistake of others lives because I did not understand all I was going through.  I carry the question of was it me or was it him with every past relationship.  The ones that have walked away from me I carry the shame of not understanding any of it and I just got tired of them saying things like;  If we break up can we still have sex on a regular basis????  Hell No!!!   It;s funny they always found the things they liked about me and said stupid things to the effect of well if we split I still want this that and the other from you.  I love you I just can't live with you!!!!!  What a stupid comment on a mans part!!!!  All I ever thought was oh you love only what you choose to love.  Is that truely LOVE at all.  nono  I call them people fair weather friends!!!!   If you love another you love all of them.  mad Not just a select few traits!!!!   DUH MEN!!!  When you profess your love make sure it's heart felt and you can take the good with the bad.   My hubby doesn't always understand what I feel he just accepts that I can feel.  With saying that no I do not expect him to put up with a bad attitude all the time or to accept me giving him crap all the time either.  Ultimately it's me who has to look for signs of Bp and control it!!!
Bi-polar, Adhd, Anxiety disorder, PTSD with a child with ADHD BIPOLAR Anxiety


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/23/2010 7:54 AM (GMT -7)   

 

   Understanding is the absolute key to this desease. Like my wife said to me today, we have survived a brain tumor, me going over to iraq, affairs (mine and hers) violence, and mental illness. After all that the small problems we face today seem trival by comparison.

   Having a real relationship in my life has provided me an rock on which to hold on to when the storm gets to rough.

  Bill   

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