Bohemian, all you can do is seek the truth. We are here for you and want to help you work through this. There is major overlap in the diagnostic criteria for many many disorders including Bipolar, borderline personality disorder, ADHD, Depression, schizophrinia, generalized anxiety disorder, just to name a few. It's been the source of a lot of stress for me in my research. What can I attribute to this, or that, or the other thing? Maybe I have all of the above? Maybe it's a brain tumor? Maybe I am from another planet and I'm just stuck in this ridiculous body.
Don't give up. These fealings are normal for someone like us. Channel this stress and energy into doing something productive, uplifting, etc. For me that means a lot of disc golf, tons of research and writing, and a lot of conversation. You are not an idiot and we love you.
at first I felt bad about the frequency and length of my posts, but now I really just don't give a ********. Bottom line, it helps me. Don't feel bad and post as often as you like.