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Tainted
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 3/20/2010 8:43 PM (GMT -7)   
So if you've been keeping up with my situation, you know that I've had a hard time adjusting to meds. I spent thursday night through tonight out at my parents house in the country with them and some good healthy alone time, and I am in a pretty good spot now. Thank you all for your help through this very akward time.
 
After a lot of soul searching and thinking I believe I am having a hard time adjusting to the idea of being medicated in general, and the side effects while annoying, are mostly harmful in that they remind me every moment that I have a proplem and may need to be on medication the rest of my life. It is important to be aware and knowledgable about ourselves, but as a chronic rumenator I need to be able to let the fear of medication go.
 
This has caused a lot of anxiety. I am learning to think about my own problems rationally, but the hightened anxiety I am experienceing lately has been making this very difficult. Yesterday I cut lamictal in half, which helped ease my mind and helped the side effects. I was not nearly so jittery and hyperactive, though still a little bit for a few hours starting an hour or so after taking the lamictal. Last night I also took kolonopin before bed, which helped me sleep. After researching it I have found that it actually stays in your system for quite a long time even after the drowsiness wears off. I believe this helped my anxiety today a lot too.
 
My new plan of attack with sleep to try and limit the harder-core meds (anxiety meds, maybe try ambien or such) to the times when anxiety is keeping me awake (it helps so much with the leg movements and racing mind as well) or when I really desperately need to get a good nights rest, but to keep on the clonidine or maybe try something else for when it is not so bad or on the weekends when I don't have to be so rested the next day.
 
As for Lamictal, I think I was just feaking out more due to anxiety than anything. My nodes are not so tense today and I am wondering if it was just throat and tongue swelling all along, or perhaps the drymouth/throat/nostriles from the clonidine were backing up the cold I had going into all this.
 
Things are making sense, not seeming so chaotic, not seeming so hopeless when the dark thoughts creep in. I owe a lot of this to you guys and even to the simple fact that writing on this board regardless of who reads it has been a form of therapy. I really want to see a counselor, but my financial/insurance situation does not allow it at this time. Until then, you guys take off the edge and then some! Thank you so much!
 
Tainted 

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/21/2010 5:31 AM (GMT -7)   

 

   You know i went thru that phase also, about being anxious about being medicated the rest of my life. It was really bugging me for a while. But eventually i grew to accept the idea that this is my life and it is all how i make it. So if the meds allow me to be close to "normal" and if they allow me to be a good husband, father, and friend, then darn the side effects.

   The thing our loved ones will never understand is what we endure to be "normal" for them. They wont understand the hair loss, the weight gain, the lack of interest in sex, the anxiety, none of that. WE just have to suffer in silence and pay for the pleasure of being normal. lOL LOL

  Yea, it sucks, but when i think of the alternative (which is the look on my wifes face when she found out about all the affaris i had been having) than crappy side effects seem a small price to pay.

  Bill


32flavors
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 3/21/2010 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I think I must be the queen of WEIRD side effects. I posted on another thread about the whole tongue/taste bud thing. You mentioned Ambien - I tried that one for about a week to help me sleep. One morning I woke up with a buttered english muffin in my bed. The next night, I "woke up" in the kitchen, with a spoonful of chocolate ice cream topped with MUSTARD in my hand! I realized when I woke up, that I had already eaten several spoonfulls of it! Needless to say, I stopped taking Ambien. Yeah, I know. WEIRD.
"...i am 32 flavors and then some..." ~ ani difranco
 
and yes, you can call me Carrie :)


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 3/21/2010 5:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I had issues with the concept of being on medication until they found something that works for me.  Now I'm thrilled and it doesn't bother me at all!
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


Tainted
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 3/21/2010 9:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Actually my doc is reluctant about ambien specifically because of those wierd side effects! Since I deliver pizza, she is worried that I might sleep drive, lol.

tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 3/22/2010 3:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank-you for the chocolate topped w. mustard Ambien scenario; 32 flavors. It gave me a great chuckle which is, not to plagiarize Reader's digest, really, "the best medicine." As for Lamictal, I had a horrific reaction to it, back some ten years plus as Docs began to use it as a 'mood stabilizer". Got to wonder about the whole psychotropic meds business when you hear " well, studies show it helps some patients, but we're not sure how it works". Same deal w. Abilify, Neurontin, Lyrica. OK; so you want me to take this unknown substance, swallow it several times a day, it makes me wretchedly ill, (I can do that quite nicely on my own; Thank-you), and you have no idea of how it works in the body, it just worked for a few people who were being compensated in a random trial". Ok doc, no prob. Load me up. Set me loose on society. Gotta wonder; don't cha?

Tainted
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 3/22/2010 4:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I appreciate the devil's advocate, but that is not what I need right now.

tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 3/22/2010 2:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry; I didn't mean to offend; I was relaying my personal experience when seeing a new Psychiatrist and how meds are prescribed. It scares me to hear that the professionals haven't a sound knowledge of what these drugs do, or of how they work. I have been on almost everything. Sadly, if I can withstand the side effects, eventually they stop working for me. Still in search of answers.

Tainted
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 3/23/2010 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
No worries tyno, I've just been struggling hard to get over the anxiety of being medicated and give it a shot.

Just an update for those who are following me, I have been very good since friday. I did not take a kolonopin for sleep last night and went back to two clonidine. I got a good nights rest. I think cutting the lamictal in half briefly and getting the anxiety under control, as well as getting four nights of mostly good sleep (at least five hours each night, woohoo!) has helped me out a ton.

I decided today to go back up to 25 mg lamictal and see how it goes. This was the day I was supposed to go up to 50, so my basic plan is to try and do 25 another week, and then just go up by 12.5 as I feel I can handle it. (this plan is approved by doc, no worries).


Thanks guys!

tainted
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