during the past 6 months since i posted about rapid cycling, i feel like i have been bouncing from purgatory and back, with good ol' Job as my poster saint. have had a knock down, drag out go 'round about state/county benefits not to mention ss. got down to barely enough to eat on in checking account. got to hate feeling even half-way okay because i knew a big fall was coming. started physically falling down which got my neurologist pumped up to take all kinds of looks at my tired brain. sigh.
was in hospital e-room because of non-stop cycling/seizing (tle), but lied my way out saying i wouldn't off my self, and did go into day program which felt more like day care. quit after a week after having classes on vocational training and etiquette. med care there was doing nothing more than renewing scripts i already had, despite my protesting that there was something chemically wrong. took going ballistic to get any attention resulting in stress reducer. never attained cutting, but did begin doing some hearty pinching of skin on hand, as well as the ol' reliable hitting of head w/hand.
so i'm out here feeling partially stripped of self. somehow back ss benefits mysteriously appeared in my bank account. no word on regular benefits, though. gotta love this beauroracy. decided to take back my life and do volunteer work to get me out of the house. also, will beg my former pdoc to see me asap to get meds back in order, as well as therp to talk about all this.
one thing that keeps me going is the wonderful sharing i received from my other post. just knowing people are out there to talk with. linda