Going back to bad behaviours again....

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Christine777
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 3/26/2010 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
What's wrong with me.. I know I'm bipolar....but why do I have to keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over again.

I just saw my nurse and doctor recently and my doc asked does you're husband "take care" of you. I said yes....I lied. He loves me...but doesn't have time to "take care" of me. He is so busy and over stressed we just don't get time with each other and that means I have been
straying from the nest over and over again....looking for someone to fill the void...I am using metaphors cause I don't want to provide gory details of what is going on with me...let's just say I am a bad wife and I am having trouble keeping out of trouble....does this mean I'm in a manic phase or does it just mean I am incapable of being a nun and going without.

I am so stressed over this , it is starting to effect the quality of my sleep and I am a spiritual person and my spiritual life is going out the window. I need to hear what everyone else does when these issues come up....and this problem with my hubby has been this way for years and there is never a real solution for it...it just goes on and on and on and it seems I have to be superwoman to deal with it....it drives me nuts....

Anyways, enough said. I sure would like to hear what you all have to say about this and if any of you have ever conquered this problem.

Hope I am not too vague, that no one knows what I am saying, I just can't bring myself to say it specifically, thanks for listening.

Christine. sad
Bipolar II/borderline personality disorder (mild too supposedly)
On Haldol, clonazepam, benzotropine, valproic acid.
High Blood pressure (recent May 2009)
Other health issues too.


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/26/2010 8:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Trust me i KNOW exactly how you feel. Even medicated i still have urges, compulsions, and needs.

How i deal with it. Well there is more medicine. The respridone im on helps alot, it kicks in really fast for me so if i start haveing issues than i take a full pill sometimes a pill and a half. After a day or two of that i am back on top of the beastie. I also keep some celexa around because it also helps damp my sexual urges. Finally, and not to be bad, but i can allways take care of things myself if i need to.

However i am in the same boat as you, my wife understands i have needs and desires (sex) but at the same time she always has some excuse why not to have sex with me. She even said that she has had all the sex she ever wants to have. The other night she said to me that unless she had alchol she couldnt have sex with me. SIGH. So i think i know exacltly where you are coming from. However at this time in my life i dont have the energy to leave her. However there will come a day when i get to teh point that i decide to move on. These people we live with understand what we need, but they just let us hanging. Then they have the nerve to look surprised when we wander and look other places. Ok, i'm done venting.

You are not alone in this, there are plenty of people in regualar relationships with normal brains that have the exact same problem. Just kinda makes you wonder if all relationships are ultimatly doomed to fail.

But you stay strong and get thru this. Meds can really help with this problem. Ive been faithfull for almost 2 years now, and thats all due to the meds.

Bill

Kiraz
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 3/27/2010 10:37 AM (GMT -7)   
My husband and I have a quite different problem. though we love each other very much, and our marriage is by no means in danger in any way, we're simply not compatible when it comes to sex. he likes things one way, i like things another way. He has his own issues that I;d rather not go into here anyway, so we've solved the problem. we have an open marriage. he's allowed to go have a girlfriend, and I can have a boyfriend. We still spend plenty of intimate time with each other, but we both get to have our needs met elsewhere.

Of course, we both can tell the other one no about their secondary choice of relationship, but as long as the lines of communication stay open, and neither of us hide anything from the other, things work out just fine.

His work schedule often means that I'm left hanging, either he's not here, or he's too tired, and my unpredictable moods means the same for him, so this way, we both can get what we need. It also means, for me, that I have closer friends to share my feelings with, who can understand where my head is at without having to worry about the intricacies of a full head on relationship.

Does this mean I'm a bad person? or that he is? no, we just lead a different life then others, and have a different outlook. Our life works for us, but it doesn't mean it will work for others. Not everyone can share their partner, so I count myself as lucky.

And btw, I'm currently on painkillers for a nasty toothache pending a rootcanal, which is probally the only reason i'm being so open about my life, so i might regret sharing such details later, though I'm by no means ashamed of the life I live.
Diagnosed Bipolar 1995
Successfully Treated now in 2009.
Abilify 2.5mg 1xpm, Seroquel XR 50-100mg PM. Topamax 75mg 2x daily


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/27/2010 3:13 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  Shoot, never be ashamed on this board. We all are highly unusual people with very different lives. Yes BP brings us all together but it is the honesty and variety of the answers that makes this interesitng. Kiraz I would never judge you at all, i'm glad you have found a solution that works that doesnt require more meds, or bad choices with drugs and alchol.

    My wife would never go for that. So i am left with the choices i named above. So my life isnt perfect, there are parts of it that are darn near perfect. So i make the best of life and not wish for what i cant have.

   Hope you get the tooth taken care of soon. THose can be brutal.

   Bill

 


Christine777
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 3/27/2010 7:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both for your input. I have to honest for me the only solution is fidelity. Personally I can't sleep nights if I do it any other way.

But that's just me, I am like that. Thank you both for being so honest. I actually didn't get an email telling me about the replies so I thought no one had seen my post.

I am doing better today, didn't slip up yet, still a few hours left to go. I hope and pray I can pull this off. I am so grateful I can come here and vent. It really helps and does make a difference.

Hope you both have a good weekend and thanks again for replying to my post. You learn a lot when you come here.

Take care,

Christine.
Bipolar II/borderline personality disorder (mild too supposedly)
On Haldol, clonazepam, benzotropine, valproic acid.
High Blood pressure (recent May 2009)
Other health issues too.


Tainted
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 3/27/2010 7:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Glad to hear you are doing better. One thing that has helped me is to burn bridges. It might sound bad, and it can be very hard, but if there are people you know who can contribute to you slipping up, it might be a good idea to burn that bridge. Unfair to them? Maybe, but in the end you need to look out for yourself. Mostly I applied this to drugs. I have long recognized that I could very easily get sucked into drugs. My whole life I have expiremented, then binged, then realized the road I was taking and burned all the bridges that could lead to that road. Simply avoiding the bridges seemed to risky to me. Of course, there is nothing stopping me from building the bridge back up again, or walking a few miles downstream and finding another one, but thats life!

Tainted

Christine777
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 3/28/2010 3:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Tainted, thank you. You are right about that, I guess I have alot of work to do.

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

Doing ok for now, hope it continues.

Take care and have a great week.

Christine
Bipolar II/borderline personality disorder (mild too supposedly)
On Haldol, clonazepam, benzotropine, valproic acid.
High Blood pressure (recent May 2009)
Other health issues too.


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/28/2010 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Good for you Christine. I know how hard it is not to stray. Any day you are successful in fighting those urges is a day to celebrate. So i will celebrate with you and congratulate all of us who stayed the course this weekend. Dont know how ill feel next weekend so for now i am just gong to enjoy the glow of a job well done.

BIG CONGRATS LADY


Happy Bill

Christine777
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 3/29/2010 7:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Bill, Hanging in there by my toenails, can't say it was a total victory,
but I think I must have a guardian angel that keeps protecting me so everything is still ok for now.

Thanks for all your support, Bill, Tainted, Kiraz. It means alot to me to be able to share my struggles and get support for it.

Thank you again.

Christine yeah tongue :-) smilewinkgrin
Bipolar II/borderline personality disorder (mild too supposedly)
On Haldol, clonazepam, benzotropine, valproic acid.
High Blood pressure (recent May 2009)
Other health issues too.


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 3/29/2010 8:01 AM (GMT -7)   

 

  Well christine, at least you know you have us. We wont judge you for a failure because honestly i could fail also by this time next week. Take what you can from your victory, even if it was that you wer'nt caught and try to do better today. I will say the meds im on really give me a lot of freeedom from compulsions which is quite the relief.

    Hang in there kiddo. LOL LOL LOL LOL   

  Bill


SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 3/29/2010 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Haldol might be causing some of your problems Christine....I was on it once,never again.It's not even good for kids....
SnowyLynne


Christine777
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 72
   Posted 3/29/2010 11:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Just curious, why would Haldol be a problem, it's really the only antipyschotic I can tolerate, I'm either allergic to the others or have bad side effects.

What happened to you when you were on it?

Thank you everybody, I love this, I am getting so much input and support. You are all great.

Christine
Bipolar II/borderline personality disorder (mild too supposedly)
On Haldol, clonazepam, benzotropine, valproic acid.
High Blood pressure (recent May 2009)
Other health issues too.

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