Help Me Out???

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Cateyes
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 89
   Posted 3/31/2010 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Ok well I am going threw something that maybe some of you have went threw before but, I am struggling with it.  Since the remarriage.  I have aquired a step son and have a few questions on how to deal with this.  Before getting married I had been promising my son some things for awhile and now I am starting to be in a position to get them.  I purchased him a pair of skates that I had promised him for over a year (just never had the money).  My step son who lives full time with mom now see's them and starts to hyper ventiliate.  My son is jaded because he has one set of parents thats it my step son gets double everything (christmas easter B-day all of the above)  Then he comes over and tells my son what he gets my lil guys feelings get hurt.  My son expects us to run out and get him something because my step son got something.  My husband and I do not agree on this at all he is all about fair what is fair about one child getting double and the other child not.  Should I always have to buy the exact same thing for both or should I except the fact that he has a mother who buys for him and when I promise my lil guy something just get it or lie about where it comes from.  I do not like to lie but this is sad I feel as if I can't buy my child anything with out repercussions.  I am getting my son a phone because when he skates he will call us when he is done.  Here we go again we have to buy 2 why his son never leaves his side.  His son is never away long enough to need a phone but mine rips runs plays and goes to friends and skates and what have you.  Me and my son have built a relationship of independence so therefore I feel a phone would be helpful.  I do buy clothes and exc. for my step son, but he lives full time with his mom now and I feel my responsiabilty to my son is greater now.  All he has is me noone else buys for him just me.  Me and my hubby go back and fourth on this issue and I can't even talk to him anymore. 
Bi-polar, Adhd, Anxiety disorder, PTSD with a child with ADHD BIPOLAR Anxiety


Cateyes
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 89
   Posted 4/2/2010 2:34 PM (GMT -7)   
wow i wonder who bought him a bycycle for christmas!!!!!who goes with him to the park and goes shopping with him with his allowance
Bi-polar, Adhd, Anxiety disorder, PTSD with a child with ADHD BIPOLAR Anxiety


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 4/2/2010 5:26 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  He cateyes, i havnt answered this for a while so i could mull it over. I am a step parent whose step sons natural father was the original "disney land dad". Never ever had money for cloths, food, or housing but always had money for gifts and trips together. So i know what it feels like to allways be the provider, and the "bad" dad who had to say no beacuse of money.

   I honestly don't know how to look at your situation. It would first take you, your husband, and the ex wife getting on the same page and from what you said before that is unlikely. If that cant happen than you and your husband HAVE to get on the same page and start workign together and not working against each other. You have to ask each other about every single dime you spend, and there will be times that one child gets more than the other, that cant be helped. You will just have to figure out a way to make sure your child also gets things also, and not just your husbands own child getting it all.

   And if you cant get together than it has to be a deal breaker. Because he is only using you to take care of his child and not taking care of yours also.  You have to look out for you and your child first. Is going to concouling an thing he would do, or will he claim this is nonsense and blow you off?

   SOrry life is so tough, at least you have us, the booby prize. LOL LOL LOL
  

 BIll


Cateyes
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 89
   Posted 4/3/2010 9:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Bill,

Him and I work together on my son it's my sons biological dad that never see's or has anything to do with him so where my stepson has an advantage of 2 families my little guy just has me and my husband.  My husband has bought meds and bikes and everything it takes to take care of us since when we got married I wasn't working I am now and things seem to be looking up but When I said noone buys for him but me I ment him and I and were the only ones.  It just hurts to see my baby so sad.  Since my last post we have found out that my step son has add and depression and anxiety disorder so now we have 3 people in the house that needs to be medicated.  Right now I am struggling through my sons meds needing to be changed and it takes the life out of me.  He is on risperdal, remeron, and lamictal but he is getting far worse.  Although, we have had an excellent weekend thus far my hubby went to visit his mom 2.5 hours away and I decieded to stay with my lil guy because I am just not sure when he is gonna start fit throwing or just crying.  So I am just struggling and beating my head against the wall.


Bi-polar, Adhd, Anxiety disorder, PTSD with a child with ADHD BIPOLAR Anxiety


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 4/4/2010 10:29 AM (GMT -7)   
 
  Hang in the cateyes, it will get better. In the mean time you have us here to vent to and get stuff off your chest.  Sorry to hear you have so much on your plate right now but god willing you will come thru this storm and be even stronger than before.
 
   You have all my support, i'm pulling for you lady.
 
   Bill 

Tainted
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 4/6/2010 4:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I can't offer much insight into the marriage or step child part of this, but there is one thing I think we are overlooking. Chlidren always want what they don't have, especially if somebody else has it, and they always think everything is unfair. Okay, maybe it's not THAT bad, but you get what I'm saying.

I have three brothers, one older, one younger. Growing up we did not have much money and I'm sure my parents spent a lot of time worrying about what to get for who and whatnot. At a certain point, you need to let them learn that life is not fair. Provide for your son, provide for your stepson, but let them know that just because one of them gets something it doesn't mean the other one will. Or better yet, try buying something to give them as a group present and force them to share.

Just some thoughts!

Tainted
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