i haven't been actively seeking treatment for almost a year. even while i was seeing doctors, i was letting my prescriptions pile up. i'm at the bottom of a pretty insane bout of depression; last night i was crying uncontrollably for no reason until 5 in the morning. my boyfriend was annoyed and wore earplugs to bed. he slept with his back to me most of the night. a roommate finally came in and soothed me.
i feel like such a sad, silly baby.
i know the only answer to all of this is medication. but treatment is such a drag! appointments, talking about the same thing every session, medications that don't seem to do much but make my hair fall out and damage my liver.
but oh, to lift this depression. i guess it's time to go back. i guess it's time to act like i care about myself. i guess it's time to stop punishing everyone around me. i guess it's time to own up to something i never asked for but must cope with for the rest of my life.
to suffer is not enough.