I feel you. My mother drilled it into my head that when I was down, I was just being lazy. so now, even when i'm just having a little bit of a bad day, I feel worse because there's a nagging voice in my head that says i'm being lazy and there;s nothing wrong with me and why can;t i get up get the chores done like every other perosn in the world and what the heck is wrong with me!
Then I get days like today when I get so much done but it';s all disorganized that everything at the end of the day is half finished and I'm left with a half clean, haphazard house and I feel horrible that I couldn;t just finish one project cleaning up because i was so distracted that I'll never get anything done. So to balance days like today I end up taking energy pills and tons of coffee to try to finish it, and I spin myself into manic phases that last for only a few days if i'm lucky, but weeks usually where everything gets scoured and i make endless lists and nothing ends up being accomplished in the end because i hyper focus on tasks that should have been so simple.
Diagnosed Bipolar 1995
Successfully Treated now in 2009.
Abilify 2.5mg 1xpm, Seroquel XR 50-100mg PM. Topamax 75mg 2x daily