Do you ever miss being manic?

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Newbie37
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Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 4/18/2010 8:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Things have been so bad lately that I actually miss being in manic phase.  Atleast when I am manic things give me joy, even if it is fleeting.  I know the things I do during a manic phase usually have terrible consequences, like spending a ton of money or drinking and stuff, but I wish I could just find one thing that makes me feel better.  Tomorrow is the start of a new week and I will be alone in the house again.  Then comes the dreaded leaving of the house to pick up the kids after school.  How can I be so afraid of people but yet be terrified to be alone in the house??  I wish the care center I go to would hurry up and find another therapist for me, this is getting beyond ridiculous.

tortoise11
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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 4/19/2010 6:05 AM (GMT -7)   
-37, When I was still rapid-cycling, but not getting mania/hypomania, I REALLY missed it. It was a low point for me. (I was on Abilify).

Now I am STABLE on Lamictal and I don't miss it at all. I had to drop out of school. Without the hypomanias, I couldn't get by with my intense schedule. But now I'm staying at home with my 3 year old son.

He used to be afraid of me and I only saw him 1 day a week. That is so much better now! He stays overnight with grandma on Fridays. (I work on Fridays).

He woke up this morning with a HUGE smile, ran out and gave me a huge hug/kiss/i-love-you. THAT is better than mania. And WITH mania, I would never experience it.

When you are stable and reach a period of remission, I think you will appreciate life without the mania. However, when you're in a depressive state, I understand how tempting the manias are. :)
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


Not2L8
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 255
   Posted 4/20/2010 4:30 AM (GMT -7)   
My manias make me feel more normal, focused...but I realize maybe it I wasn't. My lowes get so drastic I don't know how to go on. I'm in school right now bit on the verge of an Incomplete for the semester. I just don't feel anything right now. Being an art major is difficult with no inspiration. I feel like I'm just going thru the motions because I have to. I have 2 small children and a husband who loves me....I still feel lost more than anything else. I'm only in the 3rd week of lamictal 50mg along with Prozac, Xanax, and ambien. I hope this finds you well, you're not alone.

horse crazy
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Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 4/20/2010 5:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't miss being manic because there was such a frantic quality to it and I did such stupid stuff.  I never slept and eventually I got very irritable.  BUT, I do miss being hypomanic.  It made me feel alive and I had the ambition to do all sorts of things.  I would actually cry when I shifted from hypomania to depression.  Hypomanic I feel like me. I still rapid cycle from depression to hypomania and I take advantage of the hypomania to get things done. But actual mania was way too much for me and I don't miss that.  And I am sure my family doesn't miss it either.  I just wish there was a way to stay hypomnic, but over the years I have learned that is not possible.  Depression is always around the corner.
Horse Crazy
Bi-polarII; rapid cycler; Lithium 900 mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


merryvale
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/20/2010 9:48 AM (GMT -7)   
I do miss being manic as I did get a lot of basic, non-critical house work done in a short amount of time. That being said, I know I was scattered and probably would have been unpleasant if someone else was around (I'm still single as I can't get around the whole dating and then having to tell them about BPD).

Now to reality: Mania did not help, but hindered critical/career work. I couldn't focus long enough to finish anything and what I did get done was often inaccurate.

Stability, even if I'm slightly 'dulled', is a better option for me and I don't ever want to go back.

D

tortoise11
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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 4/20/2010 10:35 AM (GMT -7)   

"I'm still single as I can't get around the whole dating and then having to tell them about BPD"

Why?

I guess I got out of it easily.  I was diagnosed after getting involved with my SO.  I had already been told I had a "bipolar-like" mood disorder and had been referred to a pdoc years before, so I wasn't surprised.  But we did find out at the same time.

I guess you have to say before you're in a relationship so far that you would be hurt if the other walked away.  If it's someone who freaks out with hearing about BPD, it certainly isn't someone you would want to spend your life with.

Think of it as a great way to weed out all the "bad" ones.  It makes finding a good one a little faster and easier.  :-)


Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


merryvale
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/21/2010 9:28 AM (GMT -7)   
It's the complicated aspect of dating/getting to know someone when one has something about them that society has labeled negative. Sometimes I feel like being on my own is the way it should be. While I'm lonely at times, it keeps my life less complicated. However: if I meet someone I can't walk away from, I'll figure things out as best I can and be honest with them before we get too far down the road.
Bipolar II / Paralytic OCD
300mg Lamicatal / Lunesta / 5-6 hours a week intense elliptical cross-trainer routine

Post Edited (merryvale) : 4/21/2010 10:41:14 AM (GMT-6)


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 4/21/2010 11:06 AM (GMT -7)   
BPII can make you sooo appealing though. You are full of variety, surprises, creativity, independence, unconventional perspective. You have exceptional empathy and are sensitive to other's needs. That makes you a d*mn good partner. Especially if you are rapid-cycling, this limits the affect BPII has on a partner.

My perspective changed when I started to open up to a couple people about my BP. EVERY one of them had family that is BP. I'm pretty darn proud of me, including the BP parts. I don't give a d*mn about "society." BP makes me a pretty awesome person - the person that my SO loves.

I hope you find the one you can't walk away from. :)
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


O Buddy Boy
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 4/21/2010 6:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm BPII

Didn't get the real bad manias that cause the real suffering to me and those around me. Well maybe a bit of suffering.

On the other hand the depressions we awful for me and everybody who loved me.

I'm on a light dose of Seroquel at night and Lamictal in the AM. Both really affect me.

It doesn't take much Seroquel to put me to sleep and just kill any thought spirals. And the Lamictal just puts a smile on my face. I really look forward to taking my meds. I've been happy for close to ten months -- more than enough time for cycles to show up.

I do get very mild mania, which is often seen with Lamictal. So I don't miss the mania. I have enough of the "up" to let me feel the manic energy.

It's all good.

OBB

mogli
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 4/22/2010 6:46 AM (GMT -7)   

There are times when I am so thankful for those manic days, because of course I can get so much done and it feels good to feel good. I don't like however, spending the money and deeply regretting it, talking and thinking so fast that it completely wears me out! I usually feel very very tired from a) sleeping less and b) everything is just so fast and high it's exhausting.

My last episode of depression lasting 5 months, I would have given anything for mania. But since cycling lately (which also makes me tired) I just want to be stable, of course.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 6 mg/day, Lexapro 10 mg/day  & Lamictal 400 mg/day.


Newbie37
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 4/22/2010 9:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for posting. I would give anything to be stable too. Saw my pdoc today and they upped my meds. Hope it helps.

GreenTeaHero
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 181
   Posted 4/25/2010 7:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I miss the hypomania so badly... the feeling of soaring thoughts and speech that accomplishes anything... and not caring, not needing other people for energy and inspiration...
but i know i always interrupted and didn't care thats probably not great....
OBuddyBoy, i am very jealous of you.. Im on abilify and my sleep is OK and i'm not able to feel up its very blocked... *sigh*...
I may be slightly depressed now or just in the midst of moving and adjusting to new dosage....

AK93
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 5/5/2010 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm not sure...When I'm depressed it always SEEMS like mania is so much easier to cope with and I miss it, but I know its not really. I do horrible, horrible things when I'm manic. There are times when I've gotten completely out of control and hurt my friends and family so much that I want to punch myself just thinking about it! And I'm awfully manipulative and agressive sometimes when I'm manic. I hate that. I definitely never miss that.

That being said, I love hypomania. I really do :| Even if its not 'normal', its wonderful! Since I was really young I'd always though the hypomanic me was the 'real' me, everyone always thought I had ADHD (funny how that disappeared every so often, ha!)...I miss that. I wish it WAS the real me. But since I've got older I've had worse and worse depressive episodes and the hypomania has sort of taken a back seat.

SuthernBelle
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 5/28/2010 2:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes.... And I will drink a pot of coffee , a four pack of red bull , a few 5 hour energy and whatever else Ican get my hands on to *attempt* to get that feeling back .... Doesnt always work out so well :)

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 5/28/2010 5:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Well im hypomanic more days than not, thats just me. But i have a good, firm hold on this beastie and im constantly on the look out for it getting out of control.

That said the more days i get "normal" the less and less i miss being Manic. There is something to be said for balance and normalicy.

That said i do still enjoy the euphoria i get off of being hypomanic, it is a mild state of euphoria but gives me enough to really enjoy life.

Bill
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/29/2010 7:27 AM (GMT -7)   
SuthernBelle said...
Yes.... And I will drink a pot of coffee , a four pack of red bull , a few 5 hour energy and whatever else Ican get my hands on to *attempt* to get that feeling back .... Doesnt always work out so well :)
Oooo.... Don't do that!  Caffiene and BP do not mix!  skull
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


Jengi
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 7/15/2010 9:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I spent sooo many years trying to make the mania go away...I was so out of control...I was hypersexual, aggressive, anxious, this never felt good for me..i would blow all the money in the account and not have a thing to show for it...I was like this up and down for so long..I just dont understand how it could feel good..the only time it felt good for me is when I would take benzos to bring me down and then I would still be very reckless but I finally felt like me..like myself again..
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