Need Advice, Wife may be bipolar

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B.Cobb
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/3/2010 1:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Let me start by saying that i am youung and so is she. I am 22 and she is 20, we have been married for 2 years. I own two companies and she does not work, she has a tendency to put up threats of divorce quickly. She has always had horrible mood shifts for unexplainable reasons but let me explain my last one. Its always the same thing with a different story.

about 3 weeks ago i saw her mood shifting, she slowly started to get short and coy with me. The smallest thing would set her off for hours or days. I was working in the yard about 3 weeks ago and i came in from planting some trees, she was in a bad mood already, but i mentioned something about the house smelling like a dog, she laid into me about how hard she works (which she really does not), and it just started a storm. I wasnt meaning anything by what i said and usually this would not set her off. From this point on it was thin ice. Everything i say, she takes badly. This is just the beginning of the cycle, she still tells me she loves me at night and stuff at this point.

So the week goes on and i work/computer work at home. She starts on me about being on my computer too much, which i am, i admit it, but it is how i make a living. Without it, there would be no house, or food.

Everything thing that happens between us is automatically relayed to her mom and streched so it looks like im cussing and yelling at her (which im not, in any way shape of form) ill give you and example...... a few weeks ago she asked if i wanted a bagle, i said no, i dont really want one right now i dont feel that good. She proceeds to call her mom one min later and tell her that she was trying to be nice to me and offer me a bagle and i told her I dont want a F'n bagle i hate thoes dam things?/?? i was very confused, and confronted her about it, this started a fire and she was on edge the whole day.

She hates to be confronted about anything.

So the week continues and i have to leave for virginia to work a pepsi project. When im leaving she is crying and telling me how much she misses me already and she wishes i wouldnt go and on and on about nice gushy stuff. So on my drive im texting her and she is all right, buy the time i get to my hotel that night she is pissed off at me about god knows what and by day two she is telling me she is going to leave me. I wasnt even there to set her off, i have no clue what i said to her that made her this way. So i ask her what i always ask her, i say "baby, what did i do to make you mad"? she replies with a coy "your just an ass". She will never give me a single specific. EVER.

So i return from the trip and the first day or so she is threatening me with divorce and staying at her moms house, i find that she has been lieing to her mom about all kind of stuff about me to get them to hate me (for some unknown reason) so i confront her mom. We talk for a few hours and i guess her mom confronts her about the lies, i dont know what was said but all i kknow is that 2 hours later my wife is back at the house, Happy and go lucky like nothing ever happened. I try to talk to her about it and she just says that it wont happen again and she dont want to talk about it.

So we have a good time for 3 days and she gets really moody again. She starts looking for things to argue about it seems, she gripes at me for nothing and swithces her cell phone service. She tells me that im trying to hold her back and shes gonna divorce me, so this time i say we shoud see a marriage counselor. She agrees. The guy we end up seeing is no help at all, he suggest a vacation or something so i take the advice and book a suprise trip to a mountain cabin.

She is excited and loving it for the first day or two, and saturday nite she says she is sorry and dont know what she was thinking when she was mad. She promises she wont run off or do this again. We wake up sunday morning and she is a different person it seems, she is looking for a fight and hate me, we get home and she says she gonna get a divorce and goes to stay with her mom. We havent had a single cross word?? i have no clue what she is mad about. So today is monday and all ive herd from her is that she dont want to see our counselor today so i canceled the appointment.


Any advice on this, im lost here. I cant even solve the problem because i dont know what she is even mad about, i dont think she knows what she is mad about???? im really confused on this one and its starting to really get me down. Her mom agrees that she is very moody and makes a habbit of ignoring her when she has her cycles. This happens about once every 3 to 6 months it seems.

Not2L8
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 255
   Posted 5/3/2010 2:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Knowing you have a problem is part of the battle. I tend to do similar things to my husband. Though to be fair, he asks some idiotic questions that if he just thought for himself for a moment he would know...lol ( I was just recently diagnosed with bipolar a few weeks ago) but I also suffer from boaderline personality disorder and PTSD. I'm a mess I admit it. But it took me a long time to realize I couldn't be everything to everyone and lately it's a constant battle. All you can do is love her the best way you know how. Pay attention and follow her cues. If she seems moody, try to ignore the harsh comments that may come out. Offer to go with her to counseling, or maybe suggest she take a yoga class or something relaxing that may give her a chance to process her emotions in a positive manner. Good luck
"Consult not your fears, but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed at, but with what is still possible for you to do." You are special and loved!!!!!

Bipolar Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
PTSD


SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 5/3/2010 2:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Time to see a Dr.....PASSED TIME!
SnowyLynne


B.Cobb
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/3/2010 3:00 PM (GMT -7)   
So what should i do, just ignore her for a few days/weeks till she gets over this episode. It seems like if i try to talk to her it gets worse?

I wish i was better at this, i really do. I wish i knew what to say, even thought there is nothing i can do. Ive tried flowers, kisses, candies, vacations, understanding. I dont want to get ran over my whole life. I want to be able to tell her when she offends me or hurts me, but i cant, i can never say she is in the wrong, she will never admit it. Even in the rare case she admits she was wrong, she refuses to talk about it.

Any advice or just share your story so i can understand. She may not be full blown bipolar, but she has almost all symptoms except extreme mania, and her cycles are fairly quick... 3 weeks or so long usually.

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/3/2010 3:11 PM (GMT -7)   
You can do the manipulating to try to get her into treatment. "I'm sorry I'm such a bad husband, ... blah blah blah ... I need help to be better to you, ... blah blah blah ... Can we go to marriage counseling?

If she agrees to it, give the counselor a heads-up on the situation.

My therapist was the one to figure out my BP and sent me to a pdoc for a diagnosis and meds.

But in the state she is in, don't fight her. It's pointless. I didn't get like that, so I can't explain, but maybe another user here - happy bill - will stop by and talk to you. He has good advice. :)
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


B.Cobb
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/3/2010 3:19 PM (GMT -7)   
If only i could get her to a doctor. She would not listen to me. She is too proud. Here is a little more background. She doesnt have much of a social life because she pushes all her friends away and blames it on me. I take the blame just to avoid argument. We are both well build, attractive people, She is 5'6 and about 120 lbs. im 6'2 and an athletic 200 lbs. We should have no problems at all making or keeping friends, but it seems the only friends i have are my firends from before i knew her and a few select others.

I moved from alabama to georgia about when i met her. So all my long time buds are not here, but we do see them sometimes. She blames me for us not having friends, she says all her friends hate me. She only says this when she is in one of her moods, all other times she is like a normal / slightly hyperactive girl.

She also seems like she has ADHD when she is in her good moods, she is non stop going and gets angry if im not also. When shes moody it is very ugly for me, Like walking on paper thin ice. She gets so angry over the smallest things.

Its weird how it happens.... i can see her getting angry slowly over a few days, or even a week. I see it but the more i try to stop it the worse she gets and faster, so ive learned to just let it be.

After a few days, she has gotten to a point where she is threatening to leave me and divorce me. She stays like this for a few days, or a few weeks, different every time. The EVERY TIME she runs back to me with appologies and sex.

Im afraid one day she will take he madness to far and get a divorce before she realizes what she has done, and then she will want me back after the cycle ends. Then it will be too late. OR im afraid she will be unfaithful. She has been on the brink of it a few times i think.

She says her love is fading, hanging from a string when she is mad, what she doesnt realize is that its my love that is really chipping away. Her love is either at 110% or 1% its so hard to handle this roller coaster.

B.Cobb
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/3/2010 4:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Maybe i need a new marriage counselor then, The one we have now is no help at all. Before i even met him, or before she met him (she hadnt even talked to him yet) he told me that she was not bipolar and didnt have any other type of mood disorder? I was like how do you know, he said its just her age and situation.

I said were in the situation because of her moods, his advice for me after listening to exactly what i just told yall, was that she wasnt satisfied with her social life and i needed to wine and diner her more? I knew he was off base, but tried it anyhow.

Im at a loss, she told me today she wouldnt see another counselor because i just want to blame everything on her? I dont know how to get her to counseling now and she would never see a doctor about it.

Is the all genetic? her great grandma had horrible hormone problems and had to have a hysterectomy at age 28 or something like that.

Maybe time will help me and her, i appreciate all the comments, im very new to this and need all the advice i can get.

Not2L8
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 255
   Posted 5/3/2010 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Hmmm, I'm 34....I've experienced a lot of these moods that you describe in her. I'm sorry, I can tell that you really love her. I'm pretty messed up myself....u can read my posts (not2L8)
the difference I guess is that I know I'm broken. Without knowing anything about her history I can tell you that hormone changes (monthly female cycles) make a huge difference in my moods. I can tell when it's happening and I try to give my husband a heads up that it's not a good time to push my buttons. If she doesn't realize it herself...pay special attention to her cycles, see if it gets worse about a week to a week and a half b4 she starts. This may at least help u know when The worst is coming. I'm a romantic sap, try little quotes...things that speak of love and what she means to you. Text them to her as (thoughts of the day) -" The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along."
good luck
"Consult not your fears, but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed at, but with what is still possible for you to do." You are special and loved!!!!!

Bipolar Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
PTSD


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 5/4/2010 8:33 AM (GMT -7)   

 

   It took my wife about 6  years of telling me there was something wrong, getting diagnosed with ADHD (Not really just ADD with BP mania thrown in for fun) and a series of affairs ending in a night where i almost died because of a stab wound to the throat to get me to see the light. BP is a very sneaky desease because it creeps up on you over time changin how you think and see the world. Its not like i was normal one day, went to bed and woke up and was BP the next where i could say "Hey, something isnt right about me today" She sees the world and it is completely logical in her mind.

   Unless she is willng to admit she has a problem then she will never get help. Many of us here have had to hit rock bottom several times over before we could see the light so to speak. Living with BP is hard enough when we are medicatied, trying to do it with no help at all is almost bound for failure.

  Good luck and i hope she is receptive to seeing a doctor

  BIll  


Cateyes
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 89
   Posted 5/4/2010 10:51 AM (GMT -7)   
You mentioned Horomones well your on to something. I had to have a hysteractomy at age 29 and it has everything to do with her moods shifting. I suffered a long time with horomone issues when I still had all the parts. Doctors do not expect it because of her age!!!!!! Have her get it checked but I also believe she is suffering from other things as well. Lack of horomones can turn a lovely girl into a nightmare. Sounds like she is rapid cycling. Question is she pregnet and has no clue about it yet. definately get a new therapist.
Bi-polar, Adhd, Anxiety disorder, PTSD with a child with ADHD BIPOLAR Anxiety

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