You sound so frightened and understandably so. Over the years I have had those times that I am barely hanging on and what I have learned is it will pass and life will be easier. Finding out you are bi-polar in itself is mind shayyering and you are right....life as you knew might change. But you have to try extra hard to look for something special every day and if it is only a few seconds, you will feel OK. Hopefully, those seconds, will turn to minutes and then the minutes to hours. I know that all sounds impossible to you right now. Grab onto something...anything to stop your further descent. I know...been there, done that for over 25+ years and so far I have survived. Hang in there and keep in touch the nessage board.
Bi-polarII; rapid cycler; Lithium 900 mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg