Hi dear Lesa,
Your story really broke my heart for you. Welcome to HW. You are safe and supported here, and we have some fun too!
So you need some friends to "kick my butt into realizing I am worth more than being so nice to this guy who is 4000 miles away and left me financially and emotionally broke."---Well count me in!!! Of course I don't know you as a person; I am not there in your life. So I would really reach out to your friends in your life as well as to us. I am sure the people in your life who know and love you have been trying to encourage you. So what I do know is this: from what you have written, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I believe you deserve a lot better.
I also believe the more you hang on to or keep in contact with him, the further back you are setting yourself. Being bp means we all have a lot to do to keep ourselves healthy. You need a stable, loving, supportive environment around you and he sounds so far from that! We all take care of ourselves when it comes down to it; so let him to that for himself. You certainly don't owe him anything in my opinion. I know this is much easier said than done because there are feelings and history involved, but time will heal that, believe me. Your focus should be on yourself right now and into your future.
Professional supports? You mentioned the financial troubles....so not sure if you have pdoc or therapist.....if so make sure they/he/she knows what has happened and maybe look into counselling to get you through this transition of taking care of yourself.
As far as benefits etc, I live in Canada and I am one of the few Canadians here (I think) so things are completely different for me here than anyone in the US or elsewhere. I am not sure where you are so I don't know.....Are you looking for benefits b/c you cannot work?
I wish you all the best and I really stress that you need to focus on taking care of yourself and setting up those boundaries so you can live a healthy, stable life. Honestly I think it's an advantage that your ex is so far away; it would be much more difficult to move on......
((((Hugs)))) welcome again, and keep us posted!
Oh dear! Here is a HUGE hug from me!
I am BP and was in an abusive marriage with a man with undiagnosed BP. It was horrible. It leftme very scarred and I didn't even realize it until more than a year afterwards!