I don't know what to do anymore.. I need some help

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mirandadawn
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 90
   Posted 5/11/2010 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Past few months been going to see psych help put me on some medicines see if anything can help me and I wonder if ever will. Also go and see therapist now to. But am waiting on my new get appointment... I don't know what to do anymore. Cuz I feel like going crazy.. Sometimes it gets so bad just tell my family or my boyfriend that just want hurt myself or shoot myself. He doesn't seem ever get it or what am going through. No matter how many times I try explain it to him with letters or emails or talk to him... Cuz just can't seem handle the mood swings.. I know my man sick of it . Cuz he goes getting really tired of these mood swings from being bi polar. I told him its not like I do it on purpose. Cuz who would want walk around all the time be like that. Anymore just so anger and then sad and cry doesn't seem ever stop. Then alot of times so fatigue that all I do just lay on the couch. Seem like sleep forever or all day. I hate that cuz always feel so lazy. So I force myself get up and do things around the house. Also his mom doesn't seem get it. She thinks get a job and help him out. Which I would love to be able to work but I can't. Cuz I have crohn's disease and hypothyroidism, elipsey, acid relux disease, endometroisis, bi polar, ulcers, anemia, mitral value prolapse, anxiety, Also I have really bad learning disablies. That my psycha did testing on my brain. Said that I shouldn't be working ever because of all my learning disablies with everything... So suppose go to court in June. Which scare to death about. Try get ssi and keep my medcard. Also my man gets so bad because I don't trust him. But then again don't trust usually anyone cuz had so many people hurt me in my life. Also few months back . I deside get on his laptop and I found out talking his ex gf. She saying happily married but telling him how she has thoughts and feelings for him and maybe one day come full circle again be together again. It made me so mad and anger and hurt. Because he telling her goes I always wonder why left me back then. Cuz had such amazing connection and sometimes when think of memories we had makes me smile. I told him I said I don't want be with someone that say they love me so much and entire world. I told him anymore sometimes just can't seem to believe him when say he loves me and stuff...Because just don't trust him anymore. He told me that I need learn trust him again and forget about what he did. Cuz I have very hard time letting go of stuff. Even more if its stuff that someone did that I loved and hurt me. Anymore just have so much anger inside and forwards him . I don't know how fixs it or if ever get better or where trust him again...Also makes me so mad whenever have mood swings and call me drama queen or say get sick and tired of this argueing or something. Cuz alot of times just say wrong thing that will set me over the edge like sometimes say things put me down or if having day where just want shoot myself tell him like is that everyone answers for everything. I just don't feel he gets it or I just don't know how make him understand it. Cuz been through so much with my health and everything at such a young age. Doctors still don't know whats wrong with him. Just like I get mad whenever sometimes he will calm about having take me to doctor or therapy . But I told him not like help it or just love going doctors cuz I don't. I have to though cuz my health. So appeariate anyone advices. Because so sad have basically no one talk to about this but my older sister. Because my family isn't very understanding or gets what been going through or are now...Also don't really have any friends. My sisters best friends I know talk to. That would use it against me or tell people try cause me pain and stuff... Also grew up with very negative mother and my dad all did was yell at me and try hit me. My man say thats problemly where get some anger but he also say from bi polar and stuff. Try few medicines. But I don't like ones make so tired or make eat all the time. Cuz alot of times just so tired and fatigue and sore and in pain I hate it... So appeaiate any advices someone give me

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/11/2010 7:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I can't imagine how hard it must be for you! If I have to much as a tiny headache, a sore muscle, or an ordinary cold is throws me into a depression. It's mostly OK now with the meds, but I know it's still there.

I really can't imagine how you manage. You are a tougher person than me! I believe you are strong enough to cope with this crisis without hurting yourself.

(((hugs)))
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


mirandadawn
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 90
   Posted 5/11/2010 8:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Yeah I know. Just so many times I have such hard and bad days more than anything. I feel like going crazy just want to pull my hair and scream for forever. Cuz anger and sad and then crying . Cuz just can't seem ever get mood swings under control. Bad enough having tons of health problems and they still not know whats all wrong with me and also having learn disablies. with reading and spelling and math and understanding and everything. Alot of times my therapist say to hard on myself. Cuz I told him give anything be just normal person. Because I have ulcers in my mouth 24-7 where I can't drink anything not pop and no juices and I can't have greasy or fatten or spice foods or acid ones. So extremly painful cuz when first come burn like fire then everything touch them whatever drink or eat makes them even worse and in pain. Doctors don't know how to treat them . they had look stuff up online and just say well just going have try stuff and see . There isn't much do for the pain but put this one stuff in my mouth. I have to just brush my teeth soo painful and when really bad can't even talk. My crohn's doctor said he doesn't think from crohn's had the ulcers all my life... Also my man said I need learn to trust him again or he said maybe better break up. But been with him for 9 half years. Always been there for me whenever get worse news of my life or anything. But just so hard for me trust him after I found out talking to his ex gf or whatever... I just don't even know how begin trusting someone again hurts you so bad. Also have so much anger towards him now for it.. Am working on getting different therapist see if she could help. Cuz other one just listen and really not give me any advices do to help it. Also alway stress out about everything because getting ready go court for ssi and keep my medcard or else won't be able get all my medicines and stuff but my psycha said I should had all this whenever born cuz learning disablies and so many health problems. Just so hard find someone gets it or understands it. I have my days where cry and say why me and then have days where try my hardest not let it get me down but soo hard though. My family aren't really support of and all they do bring me down emotionally and stuff. Sometimes my man does to but I don't know how explain it to him or whatever or not what to do. Cuz sometimes just anything set me off
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