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mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 5/17/2010 5:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone,
 
Update on Mom-Last week we found out that they can't do anything for Mom's cancer; it has become to advanced.....so.....not doing so well. Going to call for counselling this morning.
 
Obviously my depression is back, deeper than it has ever been in my life. I am anxious, having a lot of panic attacks. But something that is overwhelming is my irritability. Unfortunatley bf and I aren't getting along AT ALL these days. We are fighting almost daily. I am irritable for many reasons:
 
a) the depression
b) getting ZERO help around the house
c) bf is just constantly arguing with me about everything
 
I am such a mess and I really have no ability right now to pull it together.
 
Irritability is one of those symptoms that I find so hard to control or manage. Does anyone have any ideas???? It would be helpful for me right now.... cry Thanks.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 6 mg/day, Lexapro 10 mg/day  & Lamictal 400 mg/day.


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/17/2010 6:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry to hear that mogs.  shakehead
 
I'm reading between the lines a bit here... assuming that you are irritable because you are maxxed out on how much stress you can take?
 
If you can find one way to reduce your stress or help you handle it better, I think your irritability might improve.
 
Would living separately from your bf help?  A couple days in a motel?  Then you don't have fighting with your bf, or not getting help around the house to worry about.  You could focus on what's important to you right now - spending time with your mom.
 
(((hugs)))
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 5/17/2010 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks tortoise. You hit the nail right on the head. As soon as I posted, I realized that yes, I need to eliminate the stress as much as possible. Easier said than done. I brought up the issues that I feel I need help with (ex housework) and that they are what is making this whole thing worse, and bf and I ended up getting into a huge fight where......wait for it..........................................I ended up apologizing for everything! Not cool I know nono   I honestly have done nothing wrong, yet there I went, blaming myself for everything. Now I am feeling more irritable than ever b/c nothing got resolved. I asked that my stress be reduced and basically that' s just not going to happen.
 
But your post is exactly right and I shouldn't give up. Each little stressor I get rid of is going to help me. I am going now to lie on the couch with an ice pack on my head for my headache, I'm going to shut my eyes and try to do some deep breathing.
 
Thanks again for your reply. It meant a lot. PS I have been trying for almost two weeks now to get away from bf (don't have money to stay anywhere right now) but I am trying to get out of the house with friends.....friends have not been available at all either......
 
Anyway, take care, I'll catch up on some posts here tomorrow hopefully.
 
Mogs 
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 6 mg/day, Lexapro 10 mg/day  & Lamictal 400 mg/day.


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/17/2010 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Mogs one thing that always helps me when I'm overwhelmed is writing down what is getting me stressed out.
 
Here is a way to think of it.  Stress IS conflict.  Stress is conflict between a situation and what you want/need/value. 
 
Here are some examples:
 
1.  I am stressed out because I am tired and need to sleep, but I need to go to work in 2 hours.
 
2.  I am stressed out because my parents are visiting for the weekend, but I want time alone.
 
3.  I am stressed out because I am in physical pain which makes me feel dizzy and makes standing up uncomfortable, but I need to wash the dishes before my bf gets home.
 
Can you do that?  Start with the LITTLE things.  Just start writing - it will come.
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 5/18/2010 11:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I am going to take your advice and do the writing. Either shortly before I leave for work, or when I get home. I will write in my journal.
 
I am going to get my hair cut/done tonight, so that is going to be nice. I am also going to my girlfirend's house tonight to have a visit and vent a bit.
 
I don't know why, but today I am doing a little better, until I think of Mom. So for today, these little bits of feeling better, I am hanging onto them and trying not to think about the cancer.
 
I am going to try the writing like I said, b/c I think it's an excellent idea. I will keep you posted.
 
Thanks for the support.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 6 mg/day, Lexapro 10 mg/day  & Lamictal 400 mg/day.


slz727
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 5/19/2010 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   
If I could I would like to give some advice when I get this way.
 
I get away from the person I am most irritable with. Go for a walk, lock your self in your room, or bath room, put a head set on. I do all thoughs tings sometime in the same day. The work around the house except for dishes can probly wait right? Don't stress. If you have kids that is different too. Go visit your mom spend as much time with her as you can! She needs you and you need her. Leave the rest on the back burner for now if that is posable. Hope this will help in some way with the other posts.
 
SLZ
 
PS how did the hair cut turn out and your night out with your friend?

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 5/20/2010 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you for your advice, I see you are feeling irritable and anxiety has increased for you as  well. I hope things get better for you, follow your advice and you should be coping just fine wink

My hair appointment was great, felt really good and the cut looks great. Time with my friend was needed and really nice. I was deeply depressed yesterday and feeling the same today.

We don't have any kids; and I made sure I relaxed last night instead of going insane about the messy house (which I know if any of you came over, you would not think it's messy at all...)

I see pdoc today, I will be taking time off to spend with my Mom.

Thanks for everything (((hugs)))


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 6 mg/day, Lexapro 10 mg/day  & Lamictal 400 mg/day.


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 5/20/2010 5:34 AM (GMT -7)   

Tortoise,

I did your stress exercise in my journal just now and I am glad I got it all down on paper. I don't feel better right this minute, but I may try writing calming, positive responses to them; trying to look at these stressors another way....if that makes sense....like writing a response to them?

Anyway, thanks for the advice, I think I'll be using this more frequently. Good old CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)....I also get so lazy to do it!

 


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 6 mg/day, Lexapro 10 mg/day  & Lamictal 400 mg/day.


slz727
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 5/20/2010 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I am glad to here that you are doing better. I have taken my advice many times but it is hard to take your own advice but it is to give it to someone else. LOL don't know why? Hope the the depresson lifts I hate that feeling I would much rather be manic and out of control than feel desperate and hateing everything and just wanting to die. Pleas let me know. Think about you .

SLZ

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/21/2010 6:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Mogs, once I have it written down, I dot THREE things to make it better.  They are usually eat, cancel an obligation, and sleep.  :)
 
It gets the logical parts of my brain working again.  :)
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 5/21/2010 7:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Haha, I like your three things! Makes a lot of sense!
 
I saw pdoc yesterday, and it was a great appointment. Increasing my depression fighter (Mirapex) and hoping for some stability as a result. I told him I was thinking of taking some time off to be with my Mom, and he said for me just to email him when I am ready. We work at the same hospital so now I just email him whenever I need something and he gets back to me within an hour usually! It is so great, and I am glad to be seeing him every 3 weeks.
 
I have really not been thinking about Mom's cancer lately. It just feels like I'm not living the reality of it at all.....
 
Anyway, lots to do this weekend and hoping I don't get overwhelmed. If I do, I am going to do some of that helpful writing!
 
Have a good one wink


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 6 mg/day, Lexapro 10 mg/day  & Lamictal 400 mg/day.

Post Edited (mogli) : 5/21/2010 8:24:41 AM (GMT-6)

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