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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 5/17/2010 2:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Been a while for me to check back in, there's a lot on my plate of late.
As stated before, my Wife suffers from BP, in the past nearly 5 years, it has progressed and I've tried my best to "handle it", and offer as much support, which will and does fall on deaf ears.
Last year, for those that recall, we were in VA, attempting another "start" away from the influence of her family here in FL.  She left one night, in the freezing cold with her then 13 yr old daughter, and was found walking down a dark highway, neither had sufficient winter coats, and the PD took her to a homeless shelter.
That triggered a new development.  She lived in homeless shelters for 4 months, choosing to be "accepted" by those that would listen.  During that period, there was NO contact, return of any mail, even those of necessity.  Complete isolation, as if that would help things out.
I returned to FL last June.  Closer to my younger children, didn't even attempt to contact her, as she wouldn't communicate, and did not seem to care.
That August, she called, had decided to return to FL, and needed to "contact" me to "work things out".  Initially she was to stay with her daughter at her Mother's residence.  That lasted all of 4 days. 
So, I accepted them into my small apartment.
The first short period of time went fairly well.  There were some extreme changes in her demeanor, her appearence (she sort of let herself go) and her attitude to those that do frequent homeless shelters and their dependencies etc.
I took her to her her PDoc, he altered her meds, but she flat refused to take them as directed, and blamed the Abilify on her weight gain, three days after it was first prescribed.
No matter how I tried to help, it wasn't working.  I did most anything she asked, even spending a LOT of time attempting to get her registered for online schooling with a University.  Once the "loan money" was received, she never cracked a book.. 
There's been a lot of distress, in mid Dec, she took off for a month with her daughter, stayed with friends, but once the expenses built and they asked for some of her money, she bolted, came back to me, but that only lasted about two weeks.
Money is a main trigger, she receives child support is unable to find or maintain employment, and when I ask that she share in responsibility, she bolts, as she already has "spending plans".
She took off, Feb 4th.... I figured she went back to the people as before, but after a month, did some checking, she was back in a homeless shelter in VA.  Understand she knows NO ONE in VA but my best friend, who has repeatedly said he will help my step-daughter but that's the line.
Now I understand she's living in a crime infested housing project, is unemployed, sold her 2003 Jeep Cherokee, has no transportation, and according to a recent contact, is not taking her meds.
As for me?
I had some medical issues, took myself to the hospital, BAM!  Colon Cancer, surgery, removed 14 inches of colon, and am now being evaluated for chemo....  OUCH!
Now comes the situation that she's contacted me, made reference to coming back to FL, but has no means of getting here, no money, and I've made it clear that she is NOT living with me.... she needs some tough love right now.
Another matter, is that while in the hospital (8 days) a nurse befriended me, and has become quite a good friend.  That support has meant a lot of late.  Last week my mother passed away.
So it's been a &%#$ sandwhich of late.  My Karma needs a change, or new afterlife....
Those on here that are hurting, I'm with you, I feel your pain.  BTDT
Not sure what I'll do in the future, but I have to take this one day at a time.  Right now, if I don't and my health fails, then there's no one to receive my help when needed.  Of late, the help I've received came from a "stranger", but has developed into a great friend.

happy bill
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 5/18/2010 8:34 AM (GMT -6)   


  Glad to hear your surgery went well, and yes life is definetly "Ditch slapping" you around. smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin    But it sounds like your Karma is doing fine. They found the problem and got it out of you, and you met a very special friend when you needed one, karma is definetly paying you back for dealing with your wife.

  As for her i agree, tough love now. I had to hit rock bottom before it could recover and find my way back. Thankfully i was granted a moment of peace and clarity in my time of need (Thank you karma) and it allowed me to see where the problem was (ME). She sounds like she is still in the grip of BP despite the meds, or she isnt taking them (not unusual)

  Keep up the good fight and get yourself better. You are correct that you cant help anyone if you are 6 feet under.

  Keep us posted and i hope all goes well for you for a while, you could use a little peace in your life right now.



Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 5/19/2010 3:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Things are on the upswing, and I'm NOT going to let my "estranged" wife bring me down right now.
I served 20 yrs in Law Enforcement, and for 16 yrs, I've been a PI, specializing in Criminal Defense and Crash Reconstruction.  Health issues, dealing with family (on a polygon of sides) placed that on hold for a bit.  BUT, I'm back in action (007 theme song here)....
I'm committed that my wife's actions will not bring me down.  I've survived cancer so far, work is improving, I now have dropped weight to what I was as a Junior in High School.... hoping that I don't have to undergo chemo....  working on building strength and endurance...  finally getting back to being paid to "think" not get callouses.
Determined with the help of my close friends and a certain Nurse, that this ain't gonna get me down.
I've come to the realization, often mentioned by the moderators in this forum, that I can only do so much for the "wife"...if she won't go the distance, I have to do for me!
Realization, that unless I adopt this strong attitude, and resolve, that when under 6 ft of earth, there ain't nothin' more I can do.
As a popular song from the "disco era" said.... "I will survive"...  Gloria Gaynor (sic)....
All those here, think....think...and think...again.  If you are co-dependent... think again....
Non Illegitimi, te carborundum....  Keep the faith, adios amigo....
Stand by your mate, but sometimes, you just have to follow your instincts...
I'm rambling, and I know it.... but I'm determined.  Too much GOOD has happened in the last couple of days.  Maybe a little luck will rub off on those that are suffering.
Hope my good fortune of the past 2 days, spreads the good will.
I'm up, maybe down later, but I ain't gonna fall.....too many people right now lookin' to catch me...
Best of wishes...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/19/2010 3:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder

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