Being a bully is no help at all. You don't know that damage you are doing! You cannot "help" someone stop self-injuring. My ex-husband used violence and threats of violence to "help" me stop. Which of course, I didn't. I just got better at hiding it.
Besides the drinking, what you've said reminds me of me before I was stabilized on medications. I divorced the jerk who only loved my weakness and the feeling of power he felt by "helping" me.
I have one thing to say. One completely ESSENTIAL thing you must understand!
YOU CANNOT FIX HER. YOU CANNOT CHANGE HER.
Professional help - pyschologist, psychiatrist, and medication can help. It will be her responsibility to seek treatment and stay with it.
That's tough. Your kids or your wife. ...
(hint, hint - choose your kids!)
The key to being in a relationship with someone with bipolar is drawing boundaries. I know this from being in BOTH sides of a relationship with a person with bipolar.