New Wife with Bi-Polar behavior

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mysteryeye
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/20/2010 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
New member and glad to have found this Forum dedicated to Bi-Polar sufferers.  Like many of the members, I'm having to log on to this Forum during working hours simply because it's rather difficult to be discussing this when i'm at home.  I'll give you guys a brief run down with my history and wife's history in order for you all to give me the best advice or even just to maybe share some of the similar issues that we have and hopefully give me some sound advice. I'm 34 male 2nd marriage, 2 daughters (13 & 9). My beautiful wife is 31, never been married, no kids (doesn't think she can have any). 
 
 We've been married for only 2 months now and together for 2 yrs, and I'm starting to realize that my wife may be bi-polar or at least has some of the qualities/behaviors that a bi-polar individual would have.  I'm not educated with this illness but starting to learn very quickly.  I'm amazed how there's a lot of others with similar issues and just by reading their dilemmas, I'm already feeling better about our situation. My wife was raped when she was 13 years old by a 25 year old neighbor (she's not sure if there was any penetration) , since then she has stuggled with relationships and hasn't been with someone longer than 3 years. 
 
She has a very short temper and is very confrontational. She's very loving and caring towards others & myself, great religion background, and wonderful parents. She has a history of drinking and started back in high school. She's become very distructive in the past but hasn't done so since we married. We've had physical fights and she has told me she would always make her last boy friend cry because that would be the only way to make her stop. Early in our relationship she would cut herself with a shaving razor on the side of her hip and she claims she would do this in order to cope with her mental pain. I have helped her with that she hasn't done it in over a year.  The the fights, I've begun to realize the only way (right or wrong) was to over power her and get crazier than her (roughly pinning her down or pushing her) ( I know sounds insane & wrong), but that's the only method I've found get her to back off. Now she doesn't touch me and she goes to another room and isolates herself.
 
Now I'm having to deal with her drinking at least 4 days a week, she hides the liquor from me and I'm having to go hunting in search of the alcohol.  She's been thrown into jail for being rude (while drunk) to police officer, and a month ago lost control in her suv, hit a traffic sign and ended up in a corn field (drunk as well). Also cracked her rib cage when falling on a wooden stool (while drunk of coarse).  I really fear for her.  My dad was an alcoholic and my best friend lost his life due to drinking.  I'm very worried about all of this. She also has a history of making herself throw up with she's depressed or stressed out, and sister told me she would do it in college as well. She will drop weight extremely fast.  She can't handle any stress in her life and she's stressing out too much about my ex-wife as well. It really saddens to know she has a lot of pain from her past, and has had to experience something so horrific.  I love her so much and willing to do anything for her, she's an amazing wonderful person. Overall, I really enjoy her when we don't have these battles. Hope you guys can give me some insight.  Thank you.
 

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/20/2010 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   

Being a bully is no help at all.  You don't know that damage you are doing!  You cannot "help" someone stop self-injuring.  My ex-husband used violence and threats of violence to "help" me stop.  Which of course, I didn't.  I just got better at hiding it.

Besides the drinking, what you've said reminds me of me before I was stabilized on medications.  I divorced the jerk who only loved my weakness and the feeling of power he felt by "helping" me.

 

I have one thing to say.  One completely ESSENTIAL thing you must understand!

YOU CANNOT FIX HER.  YOU CANNOT CHANGE HER.

Professional help - pyschologist, psychiatrist, and medication can help.   It will be her responsibility to seek treatment and stay with it.


Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


mysteryeye
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/20/2010 12:04 PM (GMT -7)   
 
tortoise11
 
Thank you for your reply, it is very much appreciated and helpful. I'm definately going to take your advice.  Overall, I've been there for her and shown her more love than she has ever received in her life ( according to what she is telling me), however, it necessarily doesn't mean it's not draining when things head south.  She's in college right now and in the past has quit so many times.  She's extremely smart and is capable of accomplishing any goals, but her priorities seem to be screwed up (failed a basic class)(even what her professor told her).  I'm learning to let her be (even if she's drinking and driving) because it's just driving her further away from me.  Just  like a lot of others who suffer from this, she would take xanax, but would drink as well.  She says a lot of mean things to me and never makes any since when she's drunk, however, she will apologize the following morning.  She remembers everything she has told me and I don't understand why she does this.  I've already gotten used to the faces she makes when she's drunk.  Her pupils  get dilated and glazy. Thats when I know something bad is going to happen.  I hate it, I've even recorded her when she makes disgusting faces and gets volatile.  I constantly argue about her guy friends/ex because she has a few of him in her life, and it bothers me tremendously.  They know how she gets when she drinks, but lets her be.  A few of them are attracted to her therefore they don't do anything that would upset her. She has slowly stopped talking to them because she know how it upsets me. 
 
 

mysteryeye
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/20/2010 12:14 PM (GMT -7)   
My wife has gotten professional help, even when she was younger, however, she is not constant and I've told her I would begin going with her again when she is ready. This is so new to me and I'm slowly beginning to realize I just entered a whole new world. I'm also scared because he has gotten drunk in front of my kids, thrown a beer can at me while playing xbox with my daugthers and my children is at a loss. I had to cover up with my ex-wife and tell her that it was my beer she was just tossing it to me and it fell to the floor. I don't want to lose my kids to this. My ex wife is starting to notice something is going on in my house because my kids tell her EVERYTHING.

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/20/2010 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   

That's tough.  Your kids or your wife.  ...

(hint, hint - choose your kids!)

The key to being in a relationship with someone with bipolar is drawing boundaries.  I know this from being in BOTH sides of a relationship with a person with bipolar.


Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder

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