Hey there Bohemian, just wanted to look at what you ahve posted. Not neccessary disaggreeing with you, (You do have 25 years experience on this stuff, i have less than 2)
Your list i copied and here is mine
I basicly have most of what you have except of the anexoria and the panic attacks. I know how i was without the meds because that was just 2 years ago and i know the damage i caused because of it. In the two years leading up to my diagnosis i had maybe 6-10 affairs, spent wildly, and had all the other thinds on that list. In the almost 2 years since then, 0 affairs, good hypomania, and if i have had any of the other things they have been very mild and fleeting. For me medication is the only way i can handle this desease.
Now that being said, i have heard as to believe it that these meds lose thier potency in us over time. That was one of the reasons that i have REDUCED my primary med to half of what i was taking before. Is it harder, a bit, but i am hoping that by reducing the meds it will take my body longer to build up a tolerance to the med, and therefore i might get a longer run out of it before i have to go to something new.
I know you now believe that these meds made you worse, i would respectfully sugest that you switch how you are seeing it. Maybe the meds gave you a good 20-25 years of control that you wouldnt have had otherwise. I for one am strong at many things in my life, but i will admit that i was powerless before BP and its effects.
Like i said earlier, i will listen to your 25 years of experience, but my point of view is that i wouldnt still be married, still be a good father, and probally couldnt have kept the jobs that i love so much if it wasnt for the meds that i am on. Side effects and all.