He is bipolar2, I'm pregnant and suicidal.

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lauren1218
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/23/2010 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I have read so much for so long so I'm finally posting something. I have always been depressed. I have taken different medications for pretty much my whole life. I am 29 yrs old and 26 weeks preg. I have been married for 3yrs, together for 6. He started lithium around 3 weeks ago. I was on zoloft and colozapam (spelling?) but stopped when I found out I was expecting. I have to live with my Mother. I have put myself out there over and over for my husband. He has left me, cheated, left me broke. We were trying to repair and heal from this when I got preg. I was on the pill and it still happened the very first time we were together after all the mess we had been through. I thought about not keeping the baby. He can be loving and nice and will talk to my belly and seem happy then he wants to sleep. He says he feels like he does not want to be with me. He says he wants to be a good father. I feel like I have been used to the point of being used up. I seem to detatch more and more. I care less and less about this life. My doc wants me to be strong bc meds can hurt the baby. I don't even feel like I want to go on much less bring another life into this mess. I sound selfish I know. I'm just so tired. I feel unloved and unwanted. He is different every other week. How am I supposed to get through this?

happy bill
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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 5/23/2010 3:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there and welcome. Glad you osted because BOY do you sound like you have alot on your plate.

Ok, i cant understand being pregnant, but i do understand being lost. Most of the members on here have been lost also and trust me, we can help you find your way back, it just takes a bit of time.

First we need to priortize (Bad spelling here, sorry. wink ) The most important thing is your health and your baby. Everything else after that has to take a back seat. You only get one chance to do right by your baby, so you have to concentrate on that. Im not telling you what to do, i am mearly suggesting a course of action.

Once you take care of your baby and you, then you can worry about your relationship with your hubby. You ahve so much on your plate that you cant seem to gain traction on any of it. (sorry, mixed methphors) There will be time later to work with your hubby on getting back together, but right now he isnt stable and it will take a while for the lithium to get him stable and work thru the side effects. By awhile i mean it could take a year or more. You just dont know.

Talk to your doctor and see if there is any meds you can take to help you get thru being pregnant and being depressed that wont hurt your baby. Maybe someone on here has some good info that can help you out.

Finally hang in there. You are living for two now, and yes it will be hard. But by taking it a step at a time, and getting as much help as you can, you will come out of this and be even stronger on the other side.

And we are here to help and encourage you.

Bill
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/23/2010 4:21 PM (GMT -7)   
GO TO A DIFFERENT DOCTOR!

You CAN take antidepressants during pregnancy and lactation! I was on prozac while pregnant and mood stabilizers while lactating.

The last weeks of pregnancy are so hard. You need all the help you can get.

I am bipolar. But I was married to a man who is undiagnosed/untreated bipolar. I understand both sides.

When I was pregnant, I was on bedrest for 3 months. I kicked my (ex)husband out of the house. He lived in a hotel the entire time because I could not handle the stress. He would come home on the weekends to do laundry and I went into labor EVERY weekend from stress. Ending up in the hospital repeatedly.

Hang in there. After you have your baby you will have a tremendous rush of strength and feelings of wellbeing. Yes - it is only hormones, but take full advantage of it.

I think you have MAJOR changes to make to have the life you and your baby deserve. Maybe your husband needs to live separately until he is stable on medication? Boundaries need to be drawn.

You're going to get this amazing "mama bear" instinct that well help you look out for your baby first.

(((hugs)))
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


lauren1218
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/23/2010 7:24 PM (GMT -7)   
It wold have been more humane to abort her. I don't care to live much less be a parent.

lauren1218
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/23/2010 8:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Half of me and half of him is a joke. She doesn't stand a chance of being ok.

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/24/2010 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   

Lauren,

My son is a child of marital rape.  I wanted an abortion.  I wanted to put him up for adoption - up until he was 18 months old.  This was all my mental illness "talking."

He lived with my parents until just a couple of months ago, when I FINALLY got stabilized on medication.

I was a tough couple of years, but totally worth it.  There is nothing like having your little one crawl up on the couch next to you, throw his arms around your neck and whisper "I love you" in your ear.

Last week my son (now 3 years old) knew I was having a bad day.  He also just discovered how a mechanical pencil works and he thinks it is THE coolest thing ever.  So he brings me a mechanical pencil and says "Momma, will this make you feel better?"  That was the sweetest thing ever.

The way you feel IS NOT PERMANENT.  Don't rush into a permanent decision and gamble with someone else's life.  Do what you need to do, but don't do something you will regret in 10 years!

Get the help you need.  GET ON AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT!  Some really are safe to use during pregnancy!

(((hugs)))


Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 5/24/2010 2:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lauren,
 
I have not yet been pregnant. I am the same age as you, and me and my bf have been together for 5 years. I too, will be going off my meds when I am. I am afraid of that. I am afraid of the deep dark threatening depression being worse than ever. But I am going to make plans to reach out for extra help when I need it. I hope so much that you keep you and your baby safe. Please don't give up. I am so sure that you are a much better person than you are giving yourself credit for and not a joke at all and as far as your husband, like Bill said, your priority right now is yourself and this baby; health and saftey for both of you.
 
Do you have any way of reaching out for extra help; therapy; or crisis supports? We have local crisis lines to call here and they also have a mobile team that can come out to your house. I am not sure if there is anything like that where you are....or going to emergency at the hospital? I am only suggesting these things b/c you are sounding right on the edge...
 
We are here for you. I am so glad you posted. It is such a support team here. Please keep us posted. You are strong, hang in there, you can do it for yourself and the little one inside. Take special care of yourself,

Mogs
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/25/2010 11:16 AM (GMT -7)   

Here is the little charmer.  :)

VIEW IMAGE


Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


lauren1218
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/29/2010 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
I am still here. My family pt me in the hospital for a few days. They have started me on effexor 75mg. I know I can not just end it all. I had the chance and I could not do that to my family or my child. I know how horrible And selfish my thoughts were. My issue now is that everything I read about this drug is scary. This was chosen for me because my Father and Sister both had such wonderful results with it. I am scared to take it and scared to not take it. If she has problems when she is born I will never forgive myself. I don't know what to do!

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/29/2010 9:00 AM (GMT -7)   

I am so glad you posted back.  I was worried about you!  :)

(((hug)))

Are you concerned with pregnancy or pregnancy AND breastfeeding?  Some medications are a little tricky in the first week postpartum if mom is breastfeeding.

I found some great resources lately with information about meds and pregnancy/breastfeeding.  I could look it up - just tell mw what you need to know and I'll poke araound when I have a minute.

I'm sure you will be a fabulous momma either way.  :)  You sound like you are doing a lot better! 

 

 

 


Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


lauren1218
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/29/2010 10:53 AM (GMT -7)   
I would like to breast feed. I feel like I'm facing myself for the first time in my life. I'm terrified. I wish I could have done this before getting pregnant. I want to do right by her.

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/29/2010 11:32 AM (GMT -7)   

Here is the breastfeeding info:  http://toxnet.nlm.nih.gov/cgi-bin/sis/search/f?./temp/~gdDJTj:1

It doesn't look bad at all, especially if you notice that most of the cases studied, the mommas were on 225 - 375 mg doses.  Do you know who you can see for a lactation consultant?  You can start talking and planning NOW to avoid all kinds of worry and stress later.

Effexor is not recommending during the third trimester!  It is an FDA Class C and current recommendation are to wean off it, discontinue or use a lower dose during the 3rd trimester.  Then again, the risks are lower for the baby if you are on effexor than if you hurt yourself.  Not my place to have any input on that.

(((hugs)))

 


Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/29/2010 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   

Here is a place with TONS of support for breastfeeding, pregnancy, special section for post-partum depression.  Lots of La Leche Leaders and lactation consultants too.  Very warm, welcoming community!

http://www.llli.org


Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


lauren1218
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/31/2010 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   
I have read the info about effexor and the third trimestor. Everything seems too much to risk. It is not covered by medicade anyway so I can not afford it. I had just started a new job when I learned I was preg and do not have any benefits as of yet. I know I have to take something. Zoloft seems to be the best thing for breast feeding and I do want to breast feed very much. I am trying to get through each day. I find it hard to get out of bed. The husband was very uspset over everything that happened. We plan to go to counseling but I'm not sure at what point. I had the opportnity to end it all and knew that I could not so I guess that answers that question. Its not fair to anyone for me to do that. I hope my child never has to go through anything like this. Everyday is a nightmare. I want his love and support but its not there for him to give. I keep wondering what her birth will be like. He will be there but at this point I feel uncomfortable.
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