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Not2L8
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 255
   Posted 5/25/2010 3:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't know what to say now, I'm just here...still going to therapy. Trying not to break down. All my defenses are up, the best that I can provide. I'm more aware of what I'm doing though things are hazy sometimes. It's like watching a fire mesmerized by the flames. You know if you stick your hand in it's going to burn but you do it anyways. That's as much as I can say right now. I'm just numb inside
Faith... is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.

Bipolar Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
PTSD
meds: pristq, lamotrigine, ambien cr, Xanax


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/25/2010 6:02 PM (GMT -7)   
How long has this depression lasted?
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


Not2L8
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 255
   Posted 5/25/2010 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not sure....I just know this has been the good side, if you can call it that. It was the worst it's ever been for about a month leading up to mother's day. Then I was able to function again. Leave my bed for more than just a couple hours a day, I do little things now like going to our friends house for a little while and hang out and play cards. I do what I can as long as I can stand it. Some days are tougher than others. I'm not crying all the time which is a welcome change.
This sounds horrible but I can tell I'm searching out attention (coping mechanism, a bad one) I don't care about the guys that I flirt with or flirt with me, the idea of it even repulses me at times, but I do it just the same. i stay away from anyone I'd be remotely attracted to, easier to stay in control not let anyone get too close.
It's gotten me in tough situations in the past. If someone pushes too hard and I can't walk away...my head shuts off and my body takes over to protect myself..regain some similance of control. I then become the aggressor. I don't like the feeling, but I've learned from past experience it can keep you alive. Kind of shut up and take it.
I'm not that bad yet. Still in control. I'm trying to stay away from stressful situations as much as possible. Idk one day at a time. Trying to keep moving.
Faith... is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.

Bipolar Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
PTSD
meds: pristq, lamotrigine, ambien cr, Xanax

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