Borderline Personality Disorder?

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The Giver
New Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/30/2010 11:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey, i'm new as of...fifteen minutes ago. Is there a BPD forum that I cannot find? Any of you out there who have it and share my pain?


Everyday is a battle with me. I've been struggling with it for years. I see a therapist once a week but haven't found any relief yet. It's like I became so good at acting like nothing was wrong and accepting the constant pain in myself...that I forgot how to be honest. I've forgotten how to cry.

I have had such a hard life. that...sometimes I wonder how long I have to keep fighting this battle before I can finally gain some ground. When is enough enough? When will be that one time I fall down and am just too tired to get back up? I feel utterly alone. All the time. My desire to be loved unconditionally is so overwhelming...but I don't know how to let someone in long enough to feel it. The pain of rejection is far greater than the joy of love.

......................................................does anyone understand? sad

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 5/31/2010 9:41 AM (GMT -6)   

Lots of us understand.  Quite a few have BPD in addition to BP, or have been diagnosed as either BPD or BP over the years.

Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 5/31/2010 11:01 AM (GMT -6)   
I wonder if I am BPD rather than BP .... Not sure yet :(

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 255
   Posted 6/1/2010 9:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there...I know it may be hard to believe you are not alone, but I know what you're feeling. I was finally diagnosed BPD when I was 16 during a month long stay in a mental hospital after I was raped.
The event itself didn't cause it, there were many events that simply lingered. I was in a great deal of pain, inside. I was using self mutilation (SM) before it had a name to numb myself. After my stay I found other ways to cope but the pain was still there. I didn't feel anything. I could tell you every detail of that event and others b4 it and never shed a tear, I had little to no emotion. I could talk about it like was telling you what I had for dinner. It sounds like an odd thing to say, but I sometimes miss that compared to the lows I get now an although I am married, I still struggle with relationships.
I don't know that talking alone can help you. It didn't help me. I've been in talk therapy off and on since I was probably 10 or 11 maybe. Although with the right therapist and maybe medication carefully prescribed, you may find relief.
You need to find an outlet...something within yourself that you can trust. I'm really into art, I sculpt and write when I can. It's something I'm good at, something I'm passionate about. Focusing is not always easy and i often get overwhelmed....but everything is a process, baby steps. That's what I keep telling myself.
One thing I've learned over the one is perfect, not friends, relatives, significant others, as much as we want them to be. They're only human and just because they hurt or disappoint you, doesn't mean they don't love you. I often beat myself up (theoretically of course) because I can't fathom not being able to do it all. To be what everyone needs me to be...or at least what I think they need me to be. It's a constant pressure I put on myself.
I don't know if any of this makes sense or helps in any way, but I can hope.
Faith... is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.

Bipolar Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
meds: pristq, lamotrigine, ambien cr, Xanax

horse crazy
Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/2/2010 12:51 AM (GMT -6)   
BPD can be "outgrown" to speak. I was diagnosed with it when I was in my early twenties and after years (late 30's I pretty much outgrew it but I was also with a therpist who specialized in truly takes a therapist who knows BPD inside/out. It was an extremely painful time for me, especially in the relationship department. Real or imaginaged abandonment drove me insane. I sort of had the attitude of leave before I got hurt by another, but hurt me in the process. I will say now that I am diagnosed BP, yhere are many symptoms BPD and BP share, especially in the mood department. That is why you might benefit from some sort of medication. Hang in does get better. I know exactly how you feel.
Horse Crazy
Bi-polarII; rapid cycler; Lithium 900 mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg

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