PS-Major congrats on the weight loss!!!
Thanks mogs! :) I am between pdoc's due to change in insurance. I am only on Lamictal.
I forgot to add to my list of self-care things - avoiding stress. I already can't work or go to school because the stress send me into a tail-spin. I've never kept a job for more than 14 months.
How did you do off meds?
Tomorrow I go down to 37.5% of my regular dose. If it is going to be a disaster, I'll know by noon. Will keep you posted.
I am scared stiff - have no idea what to expect.
I'm already on the new insurance. I have to pick my HMO next week. Then go to a GP to get a referral to a pdoc. I'm getting copies of ALL of my records this week and next week - from EIGHT different Dr's/clinics (!) so that the new pdoc (only one in the area!) has a good record of what has been going on.
Today is the big day!
I took just 75 mgs - 37.5% of my prescribed dose. I am spending the day with a friend that knows me inside and out for a decade. We've been roommates a few times - she has seen it ALL! I told her what is going on ans asked her to let me know if my mood seems off, if I get irritable/impatient or too chipper. We are going to walk for a couple of hours in a shopping mall, so I'll get in some exercise too!
I am hoping for a definitive result - either no change or catastrophic failure. The grey area in the middle would be hard for me to deal with.
I also have to keep in mind that my friend has a way of making me hypomanic - even when I'm stable on meds. So if I am just a little hypomanic, I need to try one more day and see if it is from the lower dose or if it was from being around my friend.
I'll be gone all day, but you know I will check in as soon as I get home! :)
Today was just fine! I had some strong anxiety about noon wondering what would happen and over analyzing everything I was thinking and doing. I sat down with a glass of water and meditated.
I've had a fairly serene day. Lots of meditation, introspection. I'm OK!
I did not get my exercise in today, but I did manage to stick to my diet while eating at a restaurant. :)
I'm OK! I did sleep a little late (got up early, stayed up for an hour and went back to bed for an hour). I got outside and weeded my garden, cleaned out my rabbitry, and sold a rabbit. SO took my son to thrift sales to give me some time alone.
Housework and shopping are calling. I'll check in later.
Wow! a good day. calm, fun, a few moments of minor irritation with my son, but nothing outside of normal-human-being-ness.
I was creative - did sidewalk chalk art - without being hypomanic or having serious issues.
Got chores done. Went grocery shopping and restrained from buying all sorts of sweet treats. Did get some beer for myself. Never done that before. (I've never been drunk -- I'm 25. LOL ) But I tried some of SO's at a restaurant and I liked it (relatively... for an alcoholic beverage). I don't think I could drink 1/2 of a bottle. We'll see. Lamictal + alchohol can increase drowsiness and dizziness. I'm not too worried about that considering I am at 75 mgs now and I don't get either of those side effects normally.
I am feeling very encouraged for tomorrow.
I did some thinking today and one memory that popped up was my reaction to having prednisone. I went nuts. Literally completely effing crazy. I just googled "prednisone mania" and sure, enough - got a lot of results. It's really interesting to learn how much of my confusing past is simply this disorder.
Note to self - NEVER take prednisone.
I forgot to mention in yesterday's message that I did get the same withdrawal effects as before from lowering my dose. It wasn't nearly so bad and I don't think anyone noticed. I felt a little more of that or possibly just side effect today - the dizziness/lightheadedness again. Just a couple minutes while I was shopping.
Time for bed. Will check in tomorrow. :)
Yeah...that is a very good note to yourself...no predisone. Predisone has always done a number on me and has almost always sent me into mania with less than desirable results. I just got off 10 days of predisone for a super asthma attack, but luckily it was a short enough time that it just lifted my mood a bit. Much more and I would have been off the wall. I am glad you remebered this little fact!!
I think you are doing a super job in analyzing your behavior and watching for warning signs. I am hoping you make it to your goal, Tortoise and keep hanging in there. I am following you closely.
Here I was expecting you to be yelling at me for staying up too late. I had a tiny bit of hypomania last night. I did stay up too late, but I managed to make a good choice too.
I had a really strong urge to snack. Normally, me, unmedicated, it would be a sugar binge which would contribute to my crash into depression.
I made a sweet treat that barely has any sweetener in it and is really high fat, so I had no temptation to overeat.
I did stay up late, but I laid on the couch watching clips of a favorite TV show - no activity that would make it worse.
I knew I was a little hypomanic, and I think if I wasn't so into the show, I would have gone to bed earlier.
I was REALLY hard on myself until I realized that it doesn't matter so much AS LONG AS I don't crash into depression. My hypomanias are typically very mild and the only real problems are making sure that it doesn't send me into a depression.
I meditated, prayed. I wanted to write in my journal, but I knew that would have kept me up too long. I fell asleep quickly and slept well.
Woke up before my alarm clock a couple times, but stayed in bed. The closer I stay to my sleep schedule, the lower the chance of mood swings.
I took my meds on time and right now I am focusing on staying awake for at least an hour. I am a little bit tired and this is a warning sign for today. If I nap, nap wrong, or nap too long, I could wake up afterwards in a depression. If I take a nap this mornings still, I will take it on the couch so my son WILL wake me up when he gets up.
Should I go to church this morning? I have been thinking I am ready to go. I haven't gone since my BP thing started last fall. It's too strange to be "in a state" and try to talk to someone who has no idea. To try to act normal.
I'm not jumping up and down saying I'm all OK this morning. I feel just fine right NOW, but I am well-aware that my experiment could come to an abrupt end today.
I just HAD to post back! I had absolutely no idea how much the squeaky doors were wearing on my nerves. I fixed them all and feel so much better. :)
I do need to start being AWARE of things that bother me instead of ignoring and allowing it to continue. And to take action to fix it. I'm thinking about getting a mini-notepad to carry around with me and everytime something bothers me, to jot it down so I can fix it later.
Off to meditate. I'll keep checking in. :)