Need some advice and feedback

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horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/4/2010 10:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been pretty much depressed for 2 years now ( with a few sprinklings of hypomania and mania here and there).  The degree of depression fluctuates a lot...from very suicidal to just the drag me down type depression.  For whatever reason my pdoc will NOT adjust my meds to try and shake the depression.  For some weird reason he is stuck on preventing mania.  In the past year I have been hospitalized for lithium toxicity because he has my lithium too high for me, which I just dropped 300mg, telling him I refused to keep being hospitalized because of the lithium.  He went ballistic saying I would get manic....didn't happen...in fact I feel better without the extra lithium on board.  But his failure to address the depression is driving me nuts and I am soooo tired of fighting it and it consuming my life.  The pdoc seems to think this is the best it gets, and playing with the meds is asking for trouble.  Personally, I know as far as BP I tend towards the depressed end of things but I have never had this constant battle with depression.  I am getting close to firing my pdoc and try to find someone more aggressive.  Over the years I have had good and bad pdocs, and depression has always been a challenge to treat, but it has been treated in the past.  I honestly don't know what to do...this pdoc started out with a bang and untangled a mess that another pdoc had completely over medicated me...but since this chronic depression hit, he has done nothing.  Is he right that I just need to accept the fact I am BP and will always have depression??  Every two weeks or so do I have to accept fighting suicidal thoughts?  Or on almost a daily basis drag myself to work or force myself to clean house?  Or accept I find little pleasure in riding my horse?  He says that is the way it goes.  See my list of current meds at bottom.  Please give me some feedback....is it time to find a new doc???  Or am I chasing the impossible??
Horse Crazy
Bi-polarII; rapid cycler; Lithium 900 mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 6/5/2010 7:05 AM (GMT -7)   
We're all different and each of our "best" is different.  My best is ZERO symptoms with no/rare side effects.  As long as I can avoid the stress of school or work ( shakehead ) I can be symptom free.
 
Knowing this about myself, I say "NO - it's NOT good enough for you!"  Because I care about the people here and want every one of you to have your best life!
 
Maybe this is your best - but YOU WILL NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON'T TRY!  You won't know if you are chasing impossible until you can provie is really IS impossible.  But on your way to do that, you just might find a beautiful "possible."
 
I'm probably chasing impossible with my stupid experiment, but I will never know if I don't try!
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


Voix
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 6/5/2010 7:20 AM (GMT -7)   
It might be time for a new doctor..
"crazy" french girl with bipolar II


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 6/5/2010 7:24 AM (GMT -7)   
 
  You know i get the feeling sometimes that people feel that mania is way worse than depression. FYI, i have never wanted to kill my self when i am manic. And many docs seem to have a hard time understanding there is different levels of mania, that it isnt allways spring break at cancun and thelma and louise style and intensity of manias.
 
   I myself often enjoy a mild hypomania 5 days out of every 7 with a few days of a slight blue feeling on the two i dont get them. I will take this anyday over anthing that has the words sucidial in it. I have been down that road, and let me say that not much scares me, but that really did.
 
   I do get days of mild to no symptons, and i enjoy them when i do as a break.
 
  Honestly if you have a choice i would take mania that is controled over any kind of depression.
 
   Bill
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


slz727
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 6/5/2010 5:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Bill and I suggest that you find another pdr if you can! I have had about 3 and moving on to #4. Don't let the depresson run your life you need relife. I myself would rather be manic any day of the week and loose everything I have then be depressed and loose my life.

SLZ

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 6/5/2010 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I just finished off #8...  on to #9! 

Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/6/2010 7:08 PM (GMT -7)   
horse crazy,

I can empathize; my pdoc (who is wonderful) won't allow me to take antidepressants (they cause cycling and highs) so last summer he suggested Mirapex. It is used for Parkinson's Disease but has shown to improve depression in bipolar patients. It has worked for me. One tricky thing is that I have to take it three times a day with food, and for the first few weeks building my dosage I had nausea, but that is gone now.

I recommend it for ppl like us who suffer so much with the depression. So if you get a new pdoc or keep the same one, maybe ask about Mirapex and see what they say. I don't believe a lot of pdocs know about it????

I wish you all the best, keep us posted and hang in there. Thinking of you.

Mogs.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/6/2010 9:29 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks
... will ask my pdoc about that mirapex.  If he is not receptive, I know my neurologist will be.  It might be very related to Requip which I take for restless legs.  Whatever, someone has to find a solution to this neverending depression.  Any relief will be welcome.
Horse Crazy
Bi-polarII; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 

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