New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/6/2010 6:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I have spun out of control with my meds. Never before have I been so terrible with missing my doses. I am so far off with them I don't even know where to start again. To top it off, I went out with girlfriends last night to a bar and (I don't know if I'm allowed to post this...???) went home very drunk. I was a very sick girl today. I go back to work tomorrow and I'm feeling even more unstable then I was before I took the week off.

I just wanted to post this, to admit out loud the things I have done so wrong in not taking care of myself.

Obviously from the alcohol and not taking my meds on a regular basis, I am depressed, anxious, irritable and just lost. I have a pdoc appt this week, and I will be honest with him as well. I guess it's all the stress I"m under that has pushed me this way.

Starting tomorrow though, I am getting back on track. And that will include exercise!

Thanks guys,
Mogs.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 6/6/2010 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I appreciate your honesty!  It doesn't matter that you fall down - it matters that you pick yourself up again and keep going.
 
Good luck at your appointment!
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 6/6/2010 7:32 PM (GMT -7)   
You know it all starts with honesty. If you can be honest with us, and your doctor, and yourself. THan you will get better soon and be ok. It will take time and getting lost on your meds is an absolute pain in the butt. LOL LOL LOL

So on the positive side, you are lost, but even more important, you know you are lost. Which in my book means all the difference. Finding your way back will take time, effort, and some tears. But honestly you have struck me as a person who has the willpower and ability to do it.


Just keep positive and you will get thru this.

All the best Bill
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/6/2010 9:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Mogs..
Admitting it is more than 1/2 the battle.  Your "confession" on the board was well heard.  Just be sure and be 100% honest with your pdoc.  He can get you back on track.  Going on, off and taking meds irregularly can really mess you up.  Good luck and keep us posted.
Horse Crazy
Bi-polarII; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/7/2010 7:12 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you all so much for you kind words. They mean a lot.

I am back at work right now; things are like I never left. No work piled up, nothing. Great.  I was hoping things would pile up so I would have work to do, but that's not the case.

Anyway, out of my one med which was part of the problem of missing doses, but it should be filled today. I am back to mood charting this morning and journaling right now.

I am thinking of writing a letter to bf. We are in serious trouble. The tension between us has affected me so much. I am wondering about the love between us; that it has been damaged. This is the second biggest stressor for me right now.

I will not be drinking for a very long time. My one girlfriend said the other night when we were out that it was so much fun she wanted to go out once a month! Aw, unfortunately that is something I cannot do. I have always liked to have a few here and there to unwind, but to get drunk, I don't even want to do that anymore at this point. I should have known better with all that I am going through. Anyway I will keep your words in mind that I am doing the right thing in sharing my honesty and realizing what my next steps need to be.

Thanks for your encouragement and faith that I will get through this.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/12/2010 10:07 AM (GMT -7)   
You know, Mogs....we all spin out of control at times with the BP stuff, so don't be so hard on yourself.  I have been on meds since 1987 (yeah, I am old) and the first years or so, I was always screwing up and everyone around me was picking up the pieces and helping patch me back together again.  It was awful for the kids and many times my husband was ready to call it quits.  But ,like you are doing now, I would climb out of the hole, put myself on the right track, etc.  So forget about beating yourself up (all negative energy) and put positive energy to getting yourself on track again.  Believe it or not, there comes a time when you sort of accept the BP and do the best you can with it.  I look back and wonder how the heck I survived those first few years.  Don't get me wrong I still have my issues, or I wouldn't be on this message board for support!!  Please let me know how the Mirapex works for you...I have yet to find something to combat my tendency towards depression.  Thanks
Horse Crazy
Bi-polarII; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/12/2010 11:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your support once again. I've been pretty good with my meds all week; I think I only missed one dose of my Mirapex. I have stayed away from drinking....so hopefully another week of this and I will be feeling much better.

With the Mirapex, it affects my sex drive (decrease) which is tough. We were going to work up to 2.25 mg/day but I've decided to stay at 1.5mg/day. If you ever start the drug, you may have nausea until you are worked up to your dose for a couple weeks...you have to take it with food three times a day. That is also tough when my appetite is low. But combined with a high dose of Lamictal, I do find it enables me to function. So I find it does help with the depression. Even more so when stressors are at bay.

Let me know if it's something you discuss with your doc....I'd be interested if someone else tried this medication for their bipolar depression.

Take care,
Mogs
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/12/2010 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Mogs...
Check Suthernbell's thread (below yours)...there is a message for you...most likely last message. I should have posted it here.
Horse Crazy
Bi-polarII; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/13/2010 4:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I am defeated. I feel like there is no hope left. Bf won't educate himself. When we first got together I was just diagnosed and so I did all I could to learn about what I was going to be dealing with. I bought books, which I still refer to...I attended two support groups, one for bp the other for anxiety and panic disorder.
 
He lacks compassion when it comes to this illness. There is a lot of resentment on both our parts. I just bought a new book: The Compassionate Mind by Paul Gilbert, PH.D, and it is a really interesting read. So maybe I will learn some things from this book.
 
I don't see how bf is ever going to be my partner in this illness. There is so much he does not know. When I try to tell him, I don't know what goes through his mind, but the expression on his face is like "Please stop talking about this". I am sure he is uncomfortable, but why can't he just try to understand and listen?????
 
Today I have been wondering about our future. It is in question for me once again. I just turned 29, and my life is just going on by....almost 5 years for this relationship.....I want in my life to be married and starting a family at this point, but I can't while I am feeling the way I am feeling. So unsure, and so alone.
 
Plus, I really have my Mom to worry about right now with her cancer. It's only been 6 weeks since we found out and it's hard just trying to accept that whole nightmare.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 6/13/2010 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
 
   Hey Mogs, im sorry you are down. I feel where you are coming from, my wife isnt a partner in my illness either. She is of the idea that if you dont talk about a problem, there really isnt a problem.
 
   How do i handle it? Well in a nut shell acceptance. I accept that is the way she is and i find others who willl listen to me and help me out. So i come here, and i talk to my Pdoc with what is on my mind.
 
    I enjoy many things about my relationship with my wife, she just isnt perfect. But guess what, neither am i. I try to accept her and hope she accepts me. We have 11 years together and i have decided that there are just a few things that we will never see eye to eye on. Such is life.
 
  I hope that you find peace also in your life and learn to accept what you cannot change, change what you cannot accept, and the wisdom to know the difference.
   Bill
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/13/2010 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   
hi bill,
 
I am so sorry to hear that you have been sick and about your wife's ankle...etc...you've been having a bit of rough go I'd say? I hope things start getting back to "normal" for you.
 
Thank you for your post. It really made me look at all of this differently. I would love to accept this. It's hard for me when I feel shunned. And it's hard for me to talk with others b/c my friends are all always busy. My only source of support really right now is here. With the counselling I just started, I only get 5 sessions out of that, and I've had two. Pdoc are 10 minute appointments to go over meds; he is not a therapist. Sure we talk briefly about how I'm doing....But I guess maybe since my supports are so minimal, that is why I find it so hard to accept the way bf feels about my illness. It is hard b/c he and I live together every single day and I feel like that is the one person I should be able to lean on only if and when I need to...b/c I do acknowledge that this is my illness and I am responsible in how I manage it.
 
I also think if I were otherwise happy in this relationship it would be easier to find that acceptance. But right now I am unhappy, so I just feel resentment.
 
Ugh.....it's so hard, but again thanks for your post b/c I am going to take it in and use it somehow.
 
Take care,
Mogs
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 6/13/2010 6:58 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  Hey mogs. Let me say that this acceptance didnt happen over night. It took years to learn how to live this way. Years and lots of mistakes, god lots of mistakes.

  However as you get older sometimes acceptance becomes easier.  That and i think my meds have helped me find this peace also. It was only after i didnt have the distractions of living with out of control BP that i was able to take the time to find this in myself.

   Dont give up and dont get discouraged. Life is a journey that has no defined end. We just play the game as long as we can and learn what we can along the way.  At the end i feel if i can look in the mirror and say i honestly did my best, than i will be happy with myself.                                       

 

    Bill


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, December 09, 2016 4:22 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,735,542 posts in 301,315 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151417 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, porkdot.
339 Guest(s), 12 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
ewafromwarsaw, Gemlin, House_rocker, Serenity Now, Loutucky, LG13, NiceCupOfTea, Dmc695, U B Tough, LymieWriter8, rcmark, multifacetedme


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer