You are sure you want to move yourself - and your KIDS?! - into this mess?
Whether the issue is BP, him being a jerk, or both - that doesn't matter. It will not spontaneously improve after you move in together.
My advice: Leave. Run away. You are better and stronger than this. I don't care WHAT the reason for these arguments are - this is not right.
I would guess the issue for this particular fight was him feeling like he was losing some of himself with you messing with "his" stuff - even if he suggested it or said it was OK. But that is NO EXCUSE.
Love does not yell, love does not blame. Love handles conflicts with understanding and patience. Love does not fight.
Are you SURE that he actually loves YOU. Or does he just love how powerful he feels when he knows that you need him?
Great questions tortiose
I am certainly in need of some self discipline when it comes to fighting fair. I cant leave everytime . an no i wouldnt do that with my kids around.
I need to get to a pdoc ASAP to deal with my own issues , and in my opinion , BF needs to go with me....
"he CANNOT cope with anything being out of his "routine" which means if things dont follow a specific pattern"Not to be a downer, but seriously!!! How can that work out for you guys? Assuming you are like the average BP - routine might stick with you for 2 weeks. Can he really adjust to your continuously changing mood pattern/sleep pattern/activity pattern?
You know whats strange? Everytime I go loopy.. whatever that may mean at the time.. he is the calm one... understanding , and he always gets me through it.. So its not really that type thing that bothers him... It silly little things ... such as the nature of aspergers....
The computer freezes up and he cant fix it : His solution > banging his fists on the desk and screaming at the computer
The put ketchup on his sandwich at Burger king : He throws it down and screams " I dont want this" " its not what I asked for"
Childish fits over NOTHING.... but the big things ... esp when its MY problems, he is calm , strong and supportive...
(?) Shrug ....
Heather, if he supports you through your BP, then maybe you need to go with him to his pdoc/tp (does he have either?) and learn to support him, if you are able.
If it is going to work out, healthy boundaries is the way to go. I still would say hold off on moving in and learn to manage this with less stress and more space.
There is an awsome book titled "Boundaries" check it out - great advice. From a religious POV, but even if you don't agree with the religon part, it still has a LOT of value!
He doesnt have a Dr. He has seen someone twice through his employment assistance pgrm at work , but thats it...
And I do agree that my kids arent moving here until I get this all straight... I am leaving tomorrow to go back to MS to spend a week with them ...for now...
He admits his faults, and last night was pretty rough... no fighting , just him trying to figure out what to do from here... All he keeps saying is he wants to/ and will do anything to make me happy.... I told him a few things that upset me.. not in the best way but they came out... I woke up at 4 am and he was still downstairs bc he couldnt sleep.
Im losing the best thing that ever happened to me ... I am trying to be honest in telling him what the issues are...
I seem to have so many.... and alot of them really have nothign to do with him.... It all sort of ties in together though...
Thanks for the book suggestion.. I will look for it today, will give me something to read on the plane tomorrow!
Yes - feeling withdrawn and "flat" is a pretty good sign of mild depression.
DO NOT HAVE CAFFIENE. I can't imagine your pdoc would not tell you this. Caffiene + bipolar is a dangerous combination. Caffiene will speed mood cycling and make it more severe. In addition, over time, caffiene affects the bipolar more strongly.
I didn't believe my pdocs about caffiene. Now I am at a point where if I were to have one-EIGHTH of a can of Red Bull, I might as well start driving to the hospital.
I have lots more to say, but my SO is home now, so later. :)
please share more about the caffiene when you get a chance... For the past few years I have drank at least a pot of coffe a day , and at least a 12 pack of diet coke per week.. and now I drink less coffee ( about 2 cups a day) but I have two red bull and at least one or two 5 hour energy every day.
That could be alot of my problem!
Thank you for the hugs and hugs for you too. And thank you for reaching out to me, it means a lot.
I should explain my abuse comment. I may be a bit off using that term....
I too was in a terribly abusive/alcoholic relationship years ago and I left and never looked back. With current bf, I guess it brings those feelings back when he is yelling at me during a panic attack or being depressed. He has never called me a name or He has never put me down; None of those things. he just yells at me when we get into these fights over my symtpoms. And that feels abusive to me.
I know I need to speak up. I have written an email and I dont know a good time to give it to him. If I give it to him now, it will create this huge fight (and I don't have the energy for that)......
Anyway, I know the yelling at me is a very bad thing and I really need to speak up.
I hope your situation has improved? You're in a tough spot and I am thinking of you....I will post later, at work right now.
Thanks again :)
Yea - txting was probably not the best way to bring that one up. :)
Us BP-ers can make big decisions quickly - for better or worse! I call my journal my "little book of major life changes" LOL
Ease him along. Write out your thoughts. They come in a logical sequence, but once you get to the end, it can be hard to retrace! Take him through the natural progression of your thoughts.
Include him. Instead of saying "I'm going to...", try "I'm thinking about ..., what do you think?"
Respect the current plan. Acknowledge it. "I'm really happy with our plan to..., but I am really concerned about .... . I think if we did ... "
Yes, this has somewhat to do with Aspergers, but a heckofalot to do with basic RESPECT too.
I do miss freedom to make those big decisions without considering anyone else. But overall -- it's worth it. :)