Oh my... wink wink
I am wondering if you have ever tried CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) at all before? There are different ways to do it for yourself. I did some in support groups that I attended at the hospital, but now that I've done those, I buy books (or borrow from the library) that have CBT in them.
I can look some up later and post them....I'm at work right now. There is actually a CBT Thread on the Depression forum right now as well....
But I really think you need to keep yourself busy and when I am doing my CBT with my books it is a distraction and it feels productive. It is extremely helpful when it comes to me feeling guilty about certain things in my life because these books are compassionate to what we go through and they are encouraging to try and cope at our own pace. It's very comforting and useful I think.
Having said all of that. I am so depressed today that I should be doing some CBT but because I am at rock bottom, it is sooo hard for me to concentrate right now. But I am wanting to get back to practicing it again. It helps you figure out what is really going on and how to deal with it.
You are blaming yourself WAY too much. And as far as dreams go; I accomplished one of mine when I NEVER thought I would. I suffer greatly with panic and anxiety disorder/bp (and although I don't have a learning disability, when the depression takes over, I feel like I can't learn a thing). So you never know what is possible for yourself, we really underestimate ourselves....
I can relate to the facebook thing. It upsets me when I look at others with over the top wonderful lives...it makes me sad.
Um, so about the sleep thing. You NEED to be getting a stable good night's sleep. I don't know if you can talk to pdoc about this...I have to take something at night b/c like you I rapid cycle and if I don't sleep, it's a nightmare....My pdoc stresses to me over and over and over again that in this illness sleep is the most important thing for us to feel as well as we can the next day. And I believe this very strongly.
Meds? Sigh...I hear ya on this too. My meds don't seem to be doing anything....
So that is why I say look into the CBT, kind of some self help for yourself for when you are feeling all over the place...it's therapy for yourself on top of the therapy you're getting professionaly....Sorry if I've laid to much info on ya.
I'm extremely depressed today, so if none of this makes sense and is all over the place, my apologies....
Take it easy you!
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day