A little confused.

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littleconfused
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/16/2010 9:04 PM (GMT -7)   
about 5-6 weeks ago I got diagnosed with Bipolar II as well as Borderline personality disorder and Generalized Anxiety. I started out on 600mg of Lithium and recently upped it to 900mg as well as added serequel for the anxiety. The lithium doesn't seem to be doing much and ever since I started the 900mg I have been SO hard to get along with. I am just angry about everything all the time. I don't know if that is because of the disorder, or maybe because I am upset that the medications aren't working. I just, I want to talk to someone with these disorders, at this point I don't even know if I believe that I have them. You know? I just need some advice... something, I don't even really know. My boyfriend is trying but neither of us can tell which reactions could be caused by the disorders or if I should ACTUALLY be upset by certain things, I just don't know and I feel really lost.

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/17/2010 6:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi littleconfused,
 
Welcome to HW :-) Glad you have arrived here! This is a great place for support.
 
I am sorry you are dealing with confusion, and many other difficult emotions at this time. I was first diagnosed with depression, panic/generalized anxiety disorder...for about 5 years, and then my diagnosis changed to bipolar type II (the panic/anxiety still present, how lucky! LOL).
 
When my diagnosis changed, I was unsure at first. When pdoc reviewed my symptoms over the recent years prior to my bp diagnosis, it did make sense, but I was still confused. So I went out and bought a few books on the disorder and read a lot. It was a beginning for me in understanding what I have and what the road ahead meant.
 
Something I found very helpful in the beginning and to this day: Keep a mood chart, daily. Here is a link for one http://www.bipolar-lives.com/bipolar-mood-chart.html (I use the first chart on the list). This way you know your symptoms from day to day and you can bring it to appointments. I think this could help with the confusion; to keep track of what you are feeling. You can make notes on the back regarding bf, anixiety attacks, stressors...etc. It helps you keep track of what the meds are doing, which is probably the most important part.
 
I am not too familiar with Borderline ... but I was wondering if you had any other diagnosis before; or this is the first? And are you seeing a psychiatrist?
 
As far as your boyfriend is concerned, that can be tough. Take things one step at a time and focus on yourself right now until you get your bearings with all of this.
 
I hope I have helped some,
Take special care of yourself. You are not alone and you can get a grip on this for sure wink
 
Mogs
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/17/2010 6:23 AM (GMT -7)   
One more thing: there is also information on this site under Resource Directory at the top ;)

Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


Voix
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 6/17/2010 6:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Goodness, your doctor seems to have diagnosed you with everything. Maybe they don't know exactly which one you've got.
My bipolar gave me very bad anxiety and a lot of symptoms of borderline personality but in the end it's just all symptoms of my bipolar.
seroquel has helped the anxiety and the bad thoughts and the bad moods for me. it takes a little while for medication to really work but stick with it, it might work for you in the end.
"crazy" french girl with bipolar II


littleconfused
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/17/2010 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the quick response! I am seeing a pyschiatrist, I was set up with him after I took a large amount of clonazepam on purpose and ended up in the ER. He specializes in Bipolar and Mood Disorders in my area. My first diagnosis was Bipolar II and then Borderline was added and now he is thinking I don't have Bipolar at all. I want to go today and buy some books. My Psych gave me a mood chart but it is so hard to fit how I feel into the three categories ; Mood - Depressed, Manic, Normal. It's so up and down that I just can't.

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/17/2010 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   

I can relate to the difficulty of marking how you are feeling. What I do in that case, is make a list of the symptoms I am feeling and knowing which symptoms belongs to what (manic/mixed/depressed/cycling) that helps. If you are cycling up and down, I just put one mark for depressed (whatever level that might be) and the another mark for hypomania/mania and draw a line between the two marks. I have also included an area that states how many mood changes I've had that day (and that is tricky, but I try my best).

Even an idea of how you are feeling works...and sometimes not knowing where you are indicates rapid cycling or a mixed state.

Glad to hear you're going to do some reading. Not only do you gain knowledge but I always find it comforting to read about my illness because it makes me feel like I not alone and that whoever wrote that book knows what I am going through. Anytime and in anyway I can get understanding I am comforted a great deal.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


horse crazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 199
   Posted 6/18/2010 10:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Sometimes it is really hard to sort out what is the disorder and what is just plain life.  No matter our diagnosis, we still have regular, old problems that effect us.  I (after maybe 4 years) just went the opposite of you...I dropped down from 900 mg lithium (I kept ending up in the hospital for lithium toxicity) down to 600 mg and I feel a lot better...just a smoother mood.  Even tho, I was diagnosed BP 25 years ago, I still have my days I refuse to believe that I am bipolar and just a normal person who is having trouble coping with life.  Sometimes I think you need a "rest" from being diagnosed as something.  It can be very confusing.  Don't worry...you will work it out.

Horse Crazy
Bi-polarII; rapid cycler; Lithium 600
Requip XL 8mg; Lamictal 200 mg; seraquel 450mg, klonopin 4mg
 


red lightening
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 6/19/2010 6:48 AM (GMT -7)   
ditto horse crazy...sometimes I have to remember I am Not my diagnosis...I'm
a human being, a mother, a wife, a massage therapist, a student of life, a poet etc.

littleconfused
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/20/2010 3:08 PM (GMT -7)   
I guess I am just a little let down because I was hoping for the medications to work so quickly and so far the only thing any of it has done, was help me get more sleep (Serequel). I bought 2 books on Borderline Personality and I am 100% sure that is what I have. It felt nice to know other people go through this, but at the same time it made me feel like I was a monster. There is a lot in it for the person/people that have to live with you and it made me feel so guilty.
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