Thanks Mogs, your absolutly right, the whole dizzy spell was completely out of normal for me. It honestly felt like the mania was fighting with the anti mania meds in my head. I have never gotten dizzy and naucous at the same time like that. I will keep an eye on it and see if it happens again.
I seem to get on average 4 MAJOR mania attacks a year. Almost all the rest is mild depression to hypomania which are great lOL LOL LOL. The Major Mania attacks feel like i am turned inside out, shaken about, then thrown down and stomped on. Just a emotionally and physically exhausting episode.
Ok, getting to bed early tonight. Take it easy everyone and i will check in tommrrow.
You look good with a naked skull, Bill!
You sound so stressed out lately! Is your life stress giving you an opportunity to assess things for how they really are? Or are you projecting your stress onto everything making it seem worse than it is?
I'm sorry you are feeling that way about your marriage. I know that your story is really encouraging to struggling couples. You have to take care of yourself first. I hope you don't end it because you are tired of being good.
I'm getting a dry spell here too, and it is HARD. It screws with my sleep schedule. Get "rejected" in bed then leave and go sit on the couch. Try not to cry and try not to let my mind go thinking that there is something wrong/unattractive with me.
You are never stuck in a marriage. :) The more you let yourself feel "stuck" the more you will want to escape. And later you might find that to me a mistake?
You are absolutly right tortise. I'm not stuck, not as long as i have my mind, my body, and my will to get by.
I am not making any big life decisions right now, just venting a bit.
I was toying with the idea of shaving it bald, havnt decided on that one yet. LOL LOL LOL
What i like about here is that i can vent, get that frustration out to those who really understand what this desease islike and about. Thank god i have other things that are stable in my life. Puppy, bicycling, reading. music. THose things have been with me for years, so i know they will be there tommrrow.
Thanks for listening. It really really helps alot.
Wow, just wanted to post an update. I am almost completely out the other side. When i posted originally it was on the absolute worst day, but that wasnt the first day of it. Looking back it was a 7-10 day slide/bottom/recovery. Glad i dont have these all the time, these are down right scary.
I do wonder about this part of my life, if i can still hold down a marriage if these start to happen more. I kept control but just barely. My wife has a zero tolerance for failure in any part of my life. I'm calmer now but am just exploring my options and how i feel. I guess i am just looking at this as if i "fail" (by that i mean have sex with somone outside my marriage because of a mania) do i want to put my wife thru that, and do i honestly want to go on more meds if this is just something i have to deal with just 4 times a year????
These are tough questions, and i honestly dont have any answers now. I do know that my wife still blames me for having the affairs before i was diagnosed, even though i was sick and didn't know what i was doing. Those of you who have had a major mania can really understand where i am coming from.
Ok, i will think about this some more and post later.
Right now i am doing fine, it s a bright beautiful day and im about to give a fire house tour to a group of children.
Nope, on this one tortise i am well and truely alone. She doesnt want to talk about things at all. After 11 years togetehr i have learned that she is a person who believes if you dont say there is a problem, then there isnt any problem.
Anyway the tour went great, little kids are so cute and we took the time to give them rides and let them wear our gear so they could get pictures taken. That is one ot eh great things about being a firefighter, the kids love what you do.
Ok, still trying to get enough rest at night, god rest helps so much. Did talk to my wife about work, and her going back to banking so she could make more money so i wouldnt have to work as much. Told her i would quit the night job if she did. That way we would be home together.
Everyone have a great day, i am feeling good. I will check in later.
Glad you are feeling well today! That tour with the kids sounds great, I remember when I did that as a kid and I loved it!
Just a note, the links for your pics didn't work for me this time....