Wow, major mania attack yesterday.

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happy bill
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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 6/22/2010 6:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Well i felt it building up the last few days, so when it hit it hit hard yesterday. I had it all, irratiable, hypersexual, racing thoughts, just about everything, plus something new. I was sitting in a chair at base and relaxing reading a book when all of the sudden my head started to spin very badly, i felt totally disconnected from my body for about 30 sec,a nd when it was done i was nausious as all hell.
A lot better today after taking a tripple dose of my anti mania meds, and half a xanez to get me to sleep. I feel like somone pounded on me with a 2 by 4 though.

But the good news is despite that, i held it together and didnt do anything stupid, say anything stupid, or try anything stupid. Somehow my mind kept a small sliver of control and i could recognize what was happening. Maybe i am learning how to live with this. LOL LOL LOL

Ok, thanks for listening. I am getting on the bike and riding to work today because the excersize does wonders for clearing my mind and lifting burdens off my soul.

Illl check in later this after noon.

Peace. BIll
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


Not2L8
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 255
   Posted 6/22/2010 7:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry you had a rough day...but it makes me feel good someone feels the same way I do sometimes. I often feel like what's the use of losing your mind only to have to be sane at the same time. (does that make sense?) it just seems cruel.
Anyways...I hope you have a better day.
Faith... is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.

Bipolar Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
PTSD
meds: pristq, lamotrigine, ambien cr, Xanax


Carenpolar
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Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 672
   Posted 6/22/2010 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   
 Bill, I had that spinning of the head. very scary.. sorry you had a bad day..
enjoy your bike ride.
hugs, Caren

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 6/22/2010 12:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Udate. Just got back from the morning job, had a good ride in and an ok ride home. Just took it easy coming home cause of the heat here (90) and high humidity. All in all i feel much better, and generally feel the mania has left me for now. Boy ill take my hypomania days any day to the full blown mania days. Yikes.

So i am on the mend, tonight maybe i will catch some more shoplifters. ALl in all very happy on how i handled the issue. Just need to recover physically from the beat down.

Thanks everyone.

BIll
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


mogli
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/22/2010 3:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Bill,
 
Sorry to hear about the mania; boo....
 
Glad to hear and not suprised that you handled it like a pro even when you were caught off guard with something new. That something new concerns me....I think you should share that with your doc....And if it happens again I think you should see your doc asap.
 
Anyway, just wanted to post to let you know I'm still thinking of you with all that you have going on....and more hugs!! Yay! (((((hugs)))))
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 6/22/2010 6:53 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  Thanks Mogs, your absolutly right, the whole dizzy spell was completely out of normal for me. It honestly felt like the mania was fighting with the anti mania meds in my head. I have never gotten dizzy and naucous at the same time like that. I will keep an eye on it and see if it happens again.

  I seem to get on average 4 MAJOR mania attacks a year. Almost all the rest is mild depression to hypomania which are great lOL LOL LOL. The Major Mania attacks feel like i am turned inside out, shaken about, then thrown down and stomped on. Just a emotionally and physically exhausting episode.

  Ok, getting to bed early tonight. Take it easy everyone and i will check in tommrrow.

 

   Bill

 


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 6/22/2010 10:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Take care!
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/26/2010 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey bill,

I wanted to check in with you to see how you are doing. I know you have so much going on right now; wondering how things are going between you and your wife (however I don`t want to pry). It just struck me now (bf and I just had a fight)....wondering about how my life would be away from anger and tension. I don`t know if bf and I are meant to be together. I am really questioning that. So I can imagine where your head is at on some level and my heart goes out to you because it`s not pleasant, it really hurts.

I admire you for recognizing your situation and thinking about your future.

Anyway, sending hugs, take care and hope you are well.

Mogs.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 6/26/2010 5:32 PM (GMT -7)   
 
  Hey Mogs, no i dont mind you asking how i am doing or  what i am thinking. Maybe by sharing here i can help others understand how we think and feel, that would be well worth it.
 
   I am stuck in  my marriage, there are good times, but it keeps coming back to the fact that my wife doesnt ever want to have "relations" with me. I am a huge believer that the act of making love brings two people together, and that not doing that, or kissing even, that things go to bad things. THat is where i am. I am still a sexual being, by that i woul dlike to make love once a week, maybe twice. My wife feels i should be so medicated that i should never want to have sex. That just isnt  a realistic thing for me to consider at age 42.
   Mostly i am struck by how much my wife and i have changed. Not her fault or mine. Just life changes you, i think everone here can understand that. My mentality is to get in front of problems before they get to bad,  my wife chooses to ignore them until they are ready to explode. It's just a way of thinking that i cant get my head around, im just to proactive for my own good.
 
   I do have an idea what i will do and when, till then i am keeping my mouth shut. LOL LOL LOL  Honestly i feel with my BP i will eventually have to leave her, and the house. I understand that i need to reduce the stresses in my life, and that just might  mean living alone the rest of it. Like i have said before, i am not affraid to look at the worse case senerio, that way if you know the worst that can happen, then you can plan for it. Plus it isnt as scary if you look at the big monster in the light.
 
Ok  here is a picture of me the other day after my mania was over. I have some circles under my eyes and i shaved off all my hair. LOL LOL LOL But honestly i feel so much better. 
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v29/crossracer/me.jpg[/IMG]
 
 
 Plus one of thor, the joy of my life.
 
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v29/crossracer/thoratrest.jpg[/IMG]
   
 
  
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 6/26/2010 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   

You look good with a naked skull, Bill!

You sound so stressed out lately!  Is your life stress giving you an opportunity to assess things for how they really are?  Or are you projecting your stress onto everything making it seem worse than it is?

I'm sorry you are feeling that way about your marriage.  I know that your story is really encouraging to struggling couples.  You have to take care of yourself first.  I hope you don't end it because you are tired of being good.

I'm getting a dry spell here too, and it is HARD.  It screws with my sleep schedule.  Get "rejected" in bed then leave and go sit on the couch.  Try not to cry and try not to let my mind go thinking that there is something wrong/unattractive with me.

You are never stuck in a marriage.  :)  The more you let yourself feel "stuck" the more you will want to escape.  And later you might find that to me a mistake?

((((good vibes))))


Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 6/26/2010 7:50 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  You are absolutly right tortise. I'm not stuck, not as long as i have my mind, my body, and my will to get by. 

    I am not making any big life decisions right now, just venting a bit. 

   I was toying with the idea of shaving it bald, havnt decided on that one yet. LOL LOL LOL

 

   What i like about here is that i can vent, get that frustration out to those who really understand what this  desease islike and about.  Thank god i have other things that are stable in my life. Puppy, bicycling, reading. music. THose things have been with me for years, so i know they will be there tommrrow.  

   Thanks for listening. It really really helps alot.

  Bill 


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 6/29/2010 7:55 AM (GMT -7)   

 

   Wow, just wanted to post an update. I am almost completely out the other side. When i posted originally it was on the absolute worst day, but that wasnt the first day of it. Looking back it was a 7-10 day slide/bottom/recovery.  Glad i dont have these all the time, these are down right scary.

   I do wonder about this part of my life, if i can still hold down a marriage if these start to happen more. I kept control but just barely.  My wife has a zero tolerance for failure in any part of my life. I'm calmer now but am just exploring my options and how i feel. I guess i am just looking at this as if i "fail" (by that i mean have sex with somone outside my marriage because of a mania) do i want to put my wife thru that, and do i honestly want to go on more meds if this is just something i have to deal with just 4 times a year???? shakehead shakehead shakehead shakehead shakehead   

   These are tough questions, and i honestly dont have any answers now. I do know that my wife still blames me for having the affairs before i was diagnosed, even though i was sick and didn't know what i was doing. Those of you who have had a major mania can really understand where i am coming from.

  Ok, i will think about this some more and post later. 

   Right now i am doing fine, it s a bright beautiful day and im about to give a fire house tour to a group of children.

  Yay.   Bill  


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 6/30/2010 6:14 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm glad you are coming through. I'm sorry to hear your marriage tension. Is this all inside you, or are you two talking about this?

Have fun with the kiddos! My (3 yr old) son LOVES to go to fire stations. He's gotten to slide down the fire pole, sit in the front seat of the trucks. Playing "fire truck" is his favorite game. :)
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 6/30/2010 6:55 AM (GMT -7)   

 

  Nope, on this one tortise i am well and truely alone. She doesnt want to talk about things at all. After 11 years togetehr i have learned that she is a person who believes if you dont say there is a problem, then there isnt any problem.

   Anyway the tour went great, little kids are so cute and we took the time to give them rides and let them wear our gear so they could get pictures taken. That is one ot eh great things about being a firefighter, the kids love what you do.

  Ok, still trying to get enough rest at night, god rest helps so much. Did talk to my wife about work, and her going back to banking so she could make more money so i wouldnt have to work as much. Told her i would quit the night job if she did. That way we would be home together. 

  Everyone have a great day,  i am feeling good. I will check in later.

 

 Bill

 

  


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/30/2010 7:43 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Bill,

Glad you are feeling well today! That tour with the kids sounds great, I remember when I did that as a kid and I loved it!

Just a note, the links for your pics didn't work for me this time.... shakehead


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day

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