One thing i have found was that the work i do is also work i love. It took a bit to find jobs that fit me so well but boy was it worth it. It really isnt work when you enjoy yourself as much as i do doing all teh different things i do.
I hear you on depression, god it is such a life robbing condition. At the end of the day i honestly feel like i perfer the manias, painfull as they are, i have never wanted to die when i am manic.
I hope you find some peace soon. In thepast when i am depressed i try to get one thing done a day, even if it is a small thing. Once i get that small thing done, i then try to do one more thing. Basicly i am trying hard to set up a cycle of success. And getting the ball rolling is the hardest thing in the world.
Good luck and keep posting. And you are not a bad person. Not in the least. You are here looking for help, that means you are farther along than many people who are just sitting there suffering in silence.