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havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/2/2010 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I hope I'm not posting too much by introducing two new topics in one day. I checked the rules and didn't notice anything about number of postings, but I may have missed something.
 
I seem to suffer from a crippling loneliness, and I'm embarrassed to mention it. But I feel I need to. It's especially bad when it comes to holidays. I'm already beginning to feel dread when I think of Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year! I feel that if I'm not out with people every day, I will simply dissolve with depression. I won't know what to do with myself.
 
I used to be OK with being on my own. I actually relished it. But things have gotten so much worse since I've been unemployed. Once, when I was self-employed (almost twenty years), a day without work was a thing of joy, and I'd enjoy the time off and the relaxation. Now, having nothing to do or no one to hang out with freaks me out.
 
Perhaps the depression exacerbates the situation. I find I don't have interest in much of anything that I used to be interested in, so I'm at a loss as to how to fill the time that I have to spend on my own. I end up reading or watching movies or knitting. (I used to be a fanatical knitter, and I used to make money selling my fiber art, but the current economic malaise has caused my fiber art selling to just go downhill; I'm no longer knitting anything for sale. And I'm not knitting much for myself. I'm the go-to person for a knitting group, which meets once a week, which is when I do most of my needlework.)
 
Now, you would think I'm friendless, but I'm not. I have good friends, and I spend a lot of time with them. But sometimes, even in the midst of spending time with friends, I'll be overcome with this horrible loneliness and think ahead to when I have to leave and go home to my house and be alone again. Granted, I have animals that I care about, but it's not the same as going home to a person. (My husband and I are separated. We stay together mainly because of insurance--his--because I don't have any. We are still on good terms, and we often go out together--platonically. If truth be told, I still feel a good deal for him, but he doesn't feel the same for me, or rather he's not sure how he feels about me. I'm not much into unrequited love, so I try to push thoughts of him into the background. Another good reason for going to a counselor.   ;-)   )
 
I hope this note has made some degree of sense and that I've expressed how I'm feeling with some degree of clarity. I tried talking about this loneliness with my last counselor, and all she could muster was, "Do you feel unsafe in your house?" <sigh>
 
Thanks for any thoughts you might have,
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Invega, 1.5 mg; Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/2/2010 9:25 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Havana,

Welcome to HW wink And thank you for your reply to my post earlier regarding my depression. You said wonderful, meaninful things that were a comfort.

Being alone is one of the most risky things for me; especially during high times of stress. When things in my life are okay and I am stable, being alone for a day is fine with me. But I do not like being alone longer than that. And in times of crisis (like I am in now), it is a must that I am around someone. The depression just feeds off it. So what I am trying to say is first of all, I understand what you are going through, and I am sorry to hear it.

I am wondering about the work situation. I know you worked before, is there a reason you don't work now? I work full time and there are days where I don't know how I'm doing it, but it helps to be out of the house and to see people. My job is really quiet, so I don't always have a lot to do....which can make me depressed....But I think work is one way to combat the lonliness, IF that is something that is possible for yourself.

You are lucky to spend time with friends. I cannot do that with mine because they are all too busy all the time. But I understand, you can still feel lonley then too. I feel that way with my one friend who has it all; house, kids....spouse, and even though I am with someone, I wish to get on to that next stage of my life, So when I am around her, I feel lonley because she has all that I want? I don't know if that makes sense.

All in all, since I am rambling, I would maybe seek other counselling; and look into any support groups in your area for bipolar. I was in one for I think 10 weeks and it changed my life. It just helped me gain the skills to deal with these things.

Anyway, take care, surround yourself with people etc. even if it doesn't help every time....

 

Mogs.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/2/2010 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind reply. It's good to know that others are afflicted with the same feelings of loneliness that I am. There's so much of the "am I the only one who feels this way?" about this nasty condition.

I would work if I could, and I have been seeking work, to no avail. The job situation/economic situation where I live is abysmal. I haven't even been able to find temporary work, although I'm signed up with three temps agencies. I had a sporadic part-time job, but even it has dried up.

I used to be kept VERY busy being self-employed (I ran an editorial services business for close to twenty years, but the economy and bottom-line-ism in general have destroyed it). I still do a bit of editing, but not much. Little call for it. My fiber art business has dried up. So, I do volunteer work Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday afternoons for a hospice organization (Mondays doing respite care for patients and the other days doing office work at the hospice house) to keep myself busy. Wednesday afternoons are given to the knitting/fiber art group for which I'm a go-to person. And then I manage to get together with friends on Fridays and/or Saturdays and/or Sundays. But I feel the panic rising up in me if I'm going to be on my own.

I think I'm feeling generally very stressed because I'm going to grad school in August. I haven't been to school since 1984, and things have definitely changed since then. Certainly research has! I've already been to see the subject-area librarian for social work (yes, I'm going to get a master's in social work; I'm interested in becoming a counselor and perhaps working with hospices or with people who have mental illnesses, such as BP) to find out how one goes about doing research nowadays. I then went home and practiced doing a search, which got me a few results. I was exultant! But still, I'm 57 years old and not of the generation that grew up using computers in the womb, just about, so I'm feeling scared. (I have owned and operated computers since 1985 for my editorial-services biz.) I keep telling myself that I've made it through other grad degrees, so I'll make it through this one, but I wasn't anywhere near as ill when I was doing those degrees. Sigh.

I try not to think about grad school. It's over a month off, after all, and it'll be what it'll be. There's not much I can do about it until then. But the scaredness lurks in the background. So, perhaps that's adding to the loneliness problem, too.

Thanks again for making me think about what this is all about, Mogs!

Havana
Havana
bipolar II, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Invega, 1.5 mg; Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


Carenpolar
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 672
   Posted 7/2/2010 12:36 PM (GMT -7)   
WElcome to the board, you will find friends. here..
I a m a widow and so am alone a lot..... and it is not good for me.
hugs, Caren

havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/2/2010 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry to hear you're widowed, Caren. My condolences to you. Being alone now and then can be good, but being alone a lot, well, I don't find it healthy for me. Take good care of yourself.

And I already am deeply impressed by the friendliness of people on this board. They've been so helpful and kind already to this newbie! I only hope that I eventually have some insights and can reach out to others on the board as they've done to me.

Hugs to you, too,
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Invega, 1.5 mg; Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/6/2010 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   
I get lonely to - even when I am with my SO. I find a great deal of support HERE. I don't feel lonely when I'm reading posts you guys write.

And I have one amazing friend who has seen it all - the good and the abusive of my previous marriage, the highs and the lows of bipolar. We've been roommates twice. I never feel lonely with her.

Bipolar is a lonely illness. There is a wall between you and everyone else because 1) they CANNOT understand your experience and 2) if you haven't had a long remission, you can't understand theirs! It's like living in two separate worlds that bump into each other occassionally.

I think you're doing an awesome job of staying connected with friendships and volunteering. Don't give that up!

Get to know your campus tech support. I withdrew from this past semester of college, as a non-traditional student. I could not believe the support available to students that struggled with technology. I hope you have the same support available to you! I do have to say, that my pet peeve was the older students that DECIDED they couldn't do technology. I would be sitting next to them and asking "What do you need help with, I can show you!" but it was clear they only wanted to complain and whine about it - not actually learn it!
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/6/2010 2:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for writing in about the topic of loneliness. It's really bad at the moment. I feel like I'm really losing it at the moment. I don't know if it's the residual effects of the Invega, or if I'm having a major meltdown or what, but I'm feeling really bad: lonely, panicked, heart still pounding off and on, feeling "unreal," feeling disconnected from everyone and everything. At least I got an appointment with my pdoc for this coming Thursday, although what he'll have to offer me is beyond me. I'm feeling so bad I'm starting to wonder if I need to check myself into a psychiatric facility. Obviously, this loneliness has gotten way beyond the bounds of my usual loneliness.

The whole technology thing really does scare me. I've already called campus tech support several times, and they've been really helpful. Maybe I'll be able to conquer the tech thing. But I'm feeling so bad that I'm wondering how I'll conquer ANYTHING. I just hope that a miracle occurs and that I'll be feeling better six weeks from now, when grad school starts. If I'm not feeling better, I just don't know how I'm gonna manage doing the MSW program.

I'm definitely wandering away from the topic of loneliness, aren't I?

But yes, it IS true: When I'm reading the responses and comments and thoughts on this board, I don't feel as lonely. You people are great! I haven't been on this board long, but I already don't know what I'd do without you folks.

Warmly,
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, panic/anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/6/2010 5:49 PM (GMT -7)   

havana - I know you can handle it - I wish you had the same confidence in yourself.  :)

When I feel completely useless and out-of-control my life-falling-apart, I make a mental to-do list.  Then I break down one thing into a lot of little manageable pieces.

If my kitchen is a mess, I might be thinking "I am so lazy, useless, broken, I can't even take care of washing the dishes.  [SO] is going to be annoyed with me when he gets home ..."  And it goes on and on.

When I noticed that, I can grab my notebook and write:

  • Clear dishes off of kitchen table
  • Stack dishes
  • Wipe off counter and stove
  • Wipe out sink

I may not even wash the dishes, but I gain confidence in myself and a sense of accomplishment.  Feeling like you DID something can soothe that empty lonely feeling.  I usually end up feeling a lot better and doing more than what I put on my list.  But sometimes, I'll have a total meltdown and spend the rest of the day in bed.*

*correction:  before I got on a healthy diet, I haven't had anxiety or mood problems when eating well and taking care of myself.

Some advice I've given on this board before, but in case you haven't read it...

Stress is a conflict between two thoughts, a want and a need, or between an ideal and a situation.  (There are others.)

If you think of stress that way, you can get rid of a vague bad/anxious feeling.  You can IDENTIFY what is stressing you out (you might be surprised) and then do something about it.

I just did this today.  It took me about 2 hours to get my stress resolved.  But if I didn't do it, I would have felt bad, sat at the computer, felt lonely, not accomplished anything, SO would be annoyed, I would feel guilty, I would skip lunch to avoid being with SO and feeling the guilt, my blood sugar would drop, I'd fall into a depression ...  see where this is going?  Using this technique gave me a good day.

So here it is:

"I am stressed out because I want ______ , but I need to _______."

Make sense?

Here are a couple I wrote this morning.  Mine have gotten long, specific and don't necessarily follow the fill-in=the-blank above.

I am excited, yet stressed out, about going to [dog training field] to train [the dog] this afternoon.  I am stressed because I don't have a training plan or a clear direction, and know that feeling frustrated with lack of direction tends to yield a long, stressful, and unproductive training session.  I am thankful that it gives me an "anchor" to schedule around.

I am stressed out about going to the post office because feeling guilty about not having done it already.  I am stressed out thinking about it constantly and not having a plan to get it done.

Here are a few ideas for you - not sure if any of these are true for you.  :)

I feel stressed out because I have an overwhelming sensation of loneliness, even while I am with other people.

I feel stressed out because I feel obligated to attend graduate school, yet I am not comfortable with the technology that is required.

I feel stressed out because I feel obligated to attend graduate school, but I have not been healthy enough to succeed in graduate school.

I feel stressed out because I feel that I have a deadline to become well, and I don't believe I can be healthy by that time.

I feel stressed out because I am feeling unwanted side effects of a medication, and I am hestitant to try more medications because of potential side effects.

My advice - write it out.  Everything!  From family, employment, health, "little" stressors, schedule, meds, cleaning, self-image.  Write it all out.  I bet you will find a couple things you CAN fix. 

Many times I will discover that I am hungry and tired.  I was to emotionally unstable to feel it.  Once I started writing, using the left (logical) part of my brain, and taking emotion out of it, I was able to identify those physical needs.

Those are usually easy things to resolve and build your confidence to conquer those stressors.

DON'T be afraid of major life changes.  I didn't sit around and wait for stress to go away.  I ACTED.  (Can you say hypomania?  lol)  I withdrew from school, moved an hour from home and family to live with my SO, took my son out of daycare, placed a dog that was stressing me out, chose not to get a job (I was laid-off previously).  My stress level is finally very low, for the first time in years.

This is part of my self-care, that along with major changes in my diet and keeping a strict diet, I am able to be well (remission?) without medication.  But as soon as I slip up on my diet and/or self-care, I'm in the same BPII cycle all over again.  It takes me about a month to get out of it and be well again!

 

 


Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/6/2010 6:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow! What incredible advice, Tortoise!

I know that I am mega-stressed-out because of graduate school looming. At first it'd seemed like a great idea. But if truth be told, I'd much rather be working than going to school. However, despite looking and looking and looking for a job, I haven't found one. So, that's why I'm going to grad school. Better to ride out the recession in school, with a graduate assistantship, than to be sitting around unemployed, seems to be myh reasoning. So, part of me really doesn't want to go to grad school, I'm sure. A big hunk of me just wants to have a job, impossible as that seems to be. Unfortunately, where I live, the job situation really stinks, and I'm not prepared, at least not at the moment, to pick up and move. So, those are some of the big stressors.

And I do feel stressed out to become "well" (whatever "well" means) in six weeks, or else.

And yes, some of the other stressors are the fact that no matter what meds my pdoc gives me, they either don't work or they give me such terrible side effects that I have to stop taking them. Which then leads me to think that NO meds will work on me. Which leads me to think that I'll have to have electroconvulsive therapy, something I do not want to have. But with nothing working and with my pdoc telling me that he's just as discouraged as I am--and that I'm one of the more difficult-to-solve cases that he has--well, sometimes ECT seems like the only thing left. ULP.

And I'm stressed out because I'm simply not busy enough and my life is so unstructured, situations I'm having great difficulty coping with. And on and on and on.

Because I'm on Social Security Disability for fibromyalgia, I'm also linked into my state's Vocational Rehabilitation. It's not great, but it's something. VR is hooked up with a service called Abilities, which informs me of jobs that're open. I'd told Abilities not to tell me about any more jobs, cos I was off to grad school. Maybe I'll tell Abilities to go ahead and keep me posted about jobs that come up. What can it hurt, after all? Maybe I'd actually find something I'd like and that I'd rather do than go to grad school.

Thanks for encouraging me to think through all of this mess. It's just a tangled-up ball in my head, and maybe if I try to straighten it out, it'll be something I can deal with a bit better.

Gratefully yours,
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, panic/anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/6/2010 8:45 PM (GMT -7)   
There is something you can work on right NOW - schedule.  That is something you do.
 
Pencil in sleep.  Then meals - including cooking, cleaning, planning, and grocery shopping. 
 
Now put in self-care measures - I base it around mood changes that I tend to see over time.  For example, whatever mood I am in is intensified about 9:00 p.m.  So that is bedtime - I can healthily sleep through it.  I tend to have a lag in schedule and blood sugar about 2:00 p.m. and that is when depression tends to be worst.  (Hypomania is no problem during the day - I can always clean.  or shop.  lol).  So I make sure that I have an activity in the afternoon - every day.
 
I forecast stressful events and schedule self-care to go with.
 
For example, my SO is out of town on a fishing trip for 5 days.  The last time he went out of town for a week, I was already in a depression and spent a suicidal panicked week in bed.  My close friend I mentioned above was living with me then and FREAKING OUT. 
 
So this time, I have a big project to keep my focus - painting.  My parents are taking my son overnight - so I'll see them 2 days in a row and get a babysitting break.  I'm going to meet a client to sign some papers, and then my close friend and her son are coming here to stay for the last 3 days.  All fun, ordinary stuff - conveniently scheduled so that even IF I have a crisis, I will be safe and have my support close by.  And that's a big if, because with all that activity and support, I won't have time for a mood swing, unless I eat poorly and then it is all over!
 
Apparently, most rapid-cyclers are fine FIRST THING in the morning, then fall apart either high or low during the day depending where they are at.  (According to one of my pdocs, and fits me pretty well too!)  If that is the case, take advantage of those first moments in the morning.  CD alarm clock?  Pop in a guided meditation CD for first thing in the morning.  Put it in your schedule!
 
 
Graduate school can wait a semester, right?  ;)  Why don't you want to move?  Why can't you prepare yourself to move?  Why can't you work freelance?  Technical writing is one of the top-earning freelance jobs out there.  Why can't you do non-traditional work?
 
I believe you are uncomfortable with it for a good reason.  Don't squash your feelings - they are there for a reason!  Is it better to delay grad school one semester or force yourself into it early, don't perform as well as you like, get discouraged.... quit.  Maybe you need to take a computer class to build your confidence first?
 
Do what you love.  So people aren't into buying art right now.  BUT people are into (feeling like they are) being self-sufficient and frugal.  So teach fiber arts classes!  How to crochet, how to felt, etc.  Advertise on Craigslist and see if anyone is interested.
 
To have discipline to be bipolar and self-employed is admirable!  I am part-time self-employed in a variety of verntures, because in the past my mood swings have limited which things I can do.  There are so many I can't do them all and I can't seem to let any of them go either!  What a mess.  lol
 
With that kind of discipline, I am sure you can start to pencil together a schedule.  Be flexible with yourself.  I make new schedules every few months.  Keeps me focused on what is important in life at the time.  If I get myself unwell with bad habits, a new schedule helps get me back on track.
 
"When the world gives up, hope whispers one more time."
 
 
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/7/2010 6:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow! Tortoise, this is amazing stuff!

To answer some of your questions, and to figure some of this out for myself:

For me, the worst time of the day is first thing in the morning. I wake up and feel horrible. I do NOT want to get out of bed. And if I didn't have animals (my cats and dog) to feed, I wouldn't get up at all. I get hit with severe depression again in the afternoon, as well as with fatigue, so sometimes I take a nap.

Perhaps I should change my volunteer work so that I do it in the mornings. But then there're the afternoons, which're bad too. It's the evenings that're about the only halfway good times.

As to grad school: I've been given a graduate assistantship, which is the only way that I can afford to go. It pays for the fall and spring semester, just about all of the costs. I have some fees per credit hour to pay, as well as books to pay for, and that's it. The program I'm in allows you to start only during the fall semester. So, if I don't start in August, I couldn't start again until a year from then. And whether I'd get the grad assistantship again is anyone's guess. Probably not, if I end up turning it down. A year's a long time to wait to start the program.

I DO have a great interest in doing social work-type work, but if it's possible to find that kind of work without an MSW (and I'm told that it is possible), I'd be willing to go for it. I've just, up to this point, shut my eyes to that possibility. And I'd really like to have the kind of job that I actually have to go to every day. I need to get out of the house and be with people. Once, working for myself and being relatively isolated was OK for me. But now that doesn't seem to be me. And I'm not as self-motivated as I used to be, either. If given tasks to do--as with my volunteer work--I get them done speedily. The people at the hospice house seem amazed that I accomplish things so quickly, for example, and I'm really delighted that they're so pleased. I like the praise, and I like the people I volunteer for. It really helps my mood a lot. And it helps to get rid of those miserable afternoon blues.

As to moving: There's no reason that I can think of to move. If there were a good reason--a job, a place I really wanted to be--that'd make a difference. But there's neither. What's important to me is that all of my support is here: my friends, my docs.

I did work nontraditionally for almost twenty years. I ran an editorial-services business--editing, indexing, proofreading, research, translating, writing--and for the most part, I loved it. Eventually I burned out, business slowed to a trickle (all of my clients were elsewhere; I mainly worked for university presses on textbooks and reference books), and I came down with fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome. I do a bit of editorial work for a local magazine now and then, but I have little interest in it any more.

I've taught various fiber arts classes around the area, but currently there seems to be little market for that, too.

Discipline seems to be something I don't have much of at the moment, I admit.

Well, it's off to meet the new counselor, and see if she and I can work together. I hope so.

Thank you immensely for the extremely thoughtful and thought-provoking note, which I'll read again (and again).

Havana
Havana
bipolar II, panic/anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/7/2010 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Your tendencies for depression first thing in the morning and again in the afternoon might be linked to your diet. If mood swings tend to be predictable and vary by the time of day, diet can make a huge difference.

Why not try cutting out ALL sugars (and artifical sweeteners) from your diet for a couple weeks and see how you feel? Read labels - there is sugar added to almost everything from canned vegetables to pizza.

See if it makes a difference?

I go a high-fat, no sugar, no grain diet. For me, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. If I have sugar or grain, I WILL have a terrible day - and usually the next few days too! If I have eggs with beans or veggies, I will probably have a good day.

Check with your pdoc about high-fat diet though, because some psych meds can be affected by the fat in your diet, apparently. I have no idea if this is *actually* true or which meds might be affected. Just something I read that is worth investigating.

I used to be disabled by bipolar. But, with careful self-care, including my diet and avoiding stress - not working :( - I am off of medication and stable. It is a lot of work to maintain, but worth it.
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/7/2010 1:48 PM (GMT -7)   
How I would LOVE to avoid stress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so mega-stressed that it is unbearable. It would be lovely to have my BP under control.

My family doc is currently out of town on vacation, so I can't ask her about a high-fat diet. However, I will be seeing my pdoc tomorrow, so I can ask him about high-fat diets and my psych meds. I'm normally not very hungry first thing in the morning, so my breakfast is juice and cereal with fruit, a small amount thereof.

I was talking with someone today about how to register for classes online--she's going to show me how to do so--and my stomach started to hurt something terrible, and my hands started shaking. Talk about stress! But maybe some of the stress will be gotten rid of once she shows me the mysteries of registering, something I know nothing about. And I guess we're supposed to magically KNOW how to do this, whether we've ever gone through the procedure at this university or not. The woman who's gonna help me out told me that she had to ask someone how to register when she first enrolled at the university and that she was a complete nervous wreck for the first two weeks of classes. Nice. Why things have to be this way is beyond me. Why absolutely essential things, such as enrolling for classes, aren't explained to students, is a mystery to me. It's not the way I'd run a university. <sigh>

Havana
Havana
bipolar II, panic/anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/7/2010 2:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Try a nice veggie omelette in the morning.  I saute the veggies ahead of time so it is quick and easy in the morning.

Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/7/2010 5:07 PM (GMT -7)   
I haven't been feeling hungry, so I don't think I'd even have the appetite for a veggie omelette. I've been eating very little, be it for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

Ever since I took the Invega, I just haven't been feeling right at all. I've lost my appetite. I feel utterly panicked. I'm feeling agoraphobic. My heart still does some pounding. I'm shaky; my hands shake, and I feel like I'm shaking on the inside, too. I'm feeling "unreal," as though I'm walking around in a dream.

I only took Invega for about six days, and the last time I took it was this past Saturday night. Could it still be wandering around in my body? I see my psychiatrist tomorrow, and I'll have to ask him if how badly I'm feeling is connected to the Invega. Some people may do well on Invega, but boy, that's one medication I'd definitely steer clear of.

I went to my knitting group this afternoon, and I felt so out of it that I could barely knit. I've done so little knitting lately, and knitting is something that I did with passion. (I have a tattoo on my upper arm that reads "Born To Knit," after all. :-) ) But in the past two months--even before Invega--I seem to've lost interest in something that's been really important to me and a source of a lot of enjoyment. I'm still enjoying reading, at least somewhat.

Boy, this is the toughest bout with depression I think I've ever had. I thought that, when I went off Effexor--that took 2 1/2 months and was major drug withdrawal--that that was the worst I'd ever felt. I've now had to correct my assumptions. THIS is the worst I've felt. Here's hoping the psychiatrist comes up with something tomorrow. Please keep your fingers crossed.

Havana, feeling really LOUSY
Havana
bipolar II, panic/anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/7/2010 5:17 PM (GMT -7)   
10fold said...
does meat put us in danger? i stopped eating red meat because my mom had a bout of colon cancer

Yes.  No.  You need to eat good fiber like that in beans with meat.  The cancer concern with meat is that it digests slowly and sits in your intestines.  The good fiber in beans keeps your belly happy.  :)
 
Eat your meat with out fiber-free bleached grains, and yes, you could have a problem.
 
 
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/10/2010 12:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry to have missed you - I've been on here in chat in the chronic pain room!
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/10/2010 12:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, 10fold, I know exactly what you're talking about. How many times have I woken up, and said, "Well, !@#$%^&*()_+, I'm still here." I'd like to think there's some reason I'm still around. Let's just go on the assumption that there IS a reason for you and me still being here, OK? Keep on keepin' on. We care about you.

Warmly,
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, panic/anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Topamax, 50 mg


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/11/2010 6:47 AM (GMT -7)   
That pretty much sums it up, 10fold.

Havana
Havana
bipolar II, panic/anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Topamax, 50 mg

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