My bipolar is once again making my relationship suck

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Voix
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 7/3/2010 11:02 AM (GMT -7)   
I've been having some bad days and now all of a sudden I'm starting to have all of these jealous suspicious feelings towards my boyfriend that are coming out of no where and I am on the verge of accusing him of all of these things I am pissed off and jealous about (him being close friends with other girls just doesnt sit well with me at all when i am in a bad mood) and i all just feel jealous all the time now and it makes me feel like total crap.
i need to get back on track, i've been taking lower doses of my seroquel so i can wake up early for work and keep forgetting to take vitamins or take care of myself at all and i just need to step back and get back on track but these feelings i have are so real and i'm crying every time i think about my relationship because i have this urge to just break everything off and give up and i can't tell if i'm thinking logically or not but i'm sure i'm not. regardless if i am or not the feelings are real to me right now and they are weighing me down and i can't take it anymore. sad

havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/3/2010 5:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, Voix, I'm so sorry you're feeling so lousy. It sounds like you're in a lot of pain, and I wish I had something halfway brilliant/intelligent/thoughtful I could tell you. All I know is what you yourself have said: You're not taking good enough care of yourself, what with lowering your meds dosage and not taking your vitamins. Your bf may indeed be causing a lot of the problems you've written about, but right now, it's hard for you to tell who's at fault, if anyone is.
 
Maybe what you need to do is take a bit of time for yourself and get yourself back on a regular regimen of meds. Don't break up with your bf until you've had time to think clearly about what you're doing. And right now isn't the right time for you to break up with him. It may not be the right time to spend time with him, either, so perhaps some time off from him would be workable.
 
Your brain chemicals are going to town over not being treated well, and they're no doubt the culprits here. Of course you're feeling what you're feeling. But all of what you're feeling is being exacerbated by the drop in meds, I'd guess. Take some time for yourself, to nurture yourself, to breathe deeply (as so many people on this board remind us), and to get back on your regular drug regimen. Maybe you can alter your work schedule so that you can go in later and thus sleep later?
 
I feel for you, and I know that all of us are thinking of you. Hang in there, and keep writing.
 
Warmly,
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Invega, 1.5 mg; Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


Voix
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 7/3/2010 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Havana, that was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. I took a triple dose of b-vitamins and got myself out of the house to do some grocery shopping with my dad's wife and I feel much better. I didn't talk to my boyfriend all day because I was in such an angry state that I didn't want to start a fight. Suddenly things feel much much better. I am going to get a good night's sleep tonight and I don't have work until Tuesday so I am going to get back on track with my diet and take some extra seroquel tonight. (I'm really bad with self medicating, I take different doses a lot) but I want to get lots of sleep so we'll see.
"crazy" french girl with bipolar II


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/4/2010 6:38 AM (GMT -7)   
hey voix,

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Relationship are so hard with this illness. Bf and I can't get a grip on how to be there for each other at all. But it sounds like you just need some extra TLC for yourself and you will be back on track. Symptoms can really mess us up sometimes in situations where we otherwise might not react. Been there, done that, a million times.

Havana is right; take care of yourself right now. You need to focus on yourself. By doing that, it will take your mind off of the other things! Ah....see how that trick works?? LOL

Chemically you need to get things balanced again; so do what you need to do to get there. And I hope you feel better soon...

Mogs.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


Voix
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 7/4/2010 7:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Mogs.
I really just feel like being in a relationship I try so hard to always been in a good mood so that my boyfriend can rely on me so when we make a date I'll guaranteed be in a good mood and we'll be able to go out. i see him so often that i spend a lot of time focusing on my bipolar and trying to make it go away so we can have fun together, and i always end up apologizing if i fall into a bad mood while we're together.
sometimes i feel like if i was single again it wouldn't matter if i had bipolar and i think in the long run i would be so much happier, but i don't want to break my own heart or his so i'm stuck. :(
"crazy" french girl with bipolar II


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/4/2010 8:53 AM (GMT -7)   
My estranged husband and I go out on dates--yeah, go figure--and I try to always be in a good mood when I see him so that we'll have a good time. He doesn't even suspect that I'm in the major throes of depression. So, I relate a lot to what you're saying, Voix. Every once in a while, I do let it slip that I'm fighting depression, and he says, "But you don't seem depressed." Just shows you how well I can fake it, I guess.

But, yes, it WOULD matter if you were single and had bipolar, believe me! I'm basically single, I have BP, and I'm definitely NOT happy. I think that, with BP at its worst, one's not happy no matter what's going on. Take it from me, who's been going through a nonstop depression that hasn't lifted in something like two months now. Usually, my depressions are punctuated by good days, but not this one.

Just my $.02 on the matter.

Warmly yours,
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Invega, 1.5 mg; Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/4/2010 12:03 PM (GMT -7)   
voix - you keep commenting on how you do better when your diet is good. Can you commit to eating healthy and taking your vitamins?
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/4/2010 12:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Voix--I hear ya! It`s the same case here. I always feel that I have to hide my feelings; well not always. Sometimes bf will reach out to me to talk to him and he will then try to make me feel better. He did that for me today. As for those other times; it`s so hard to worry so much about him and take care of yourself at the same time. The whole time you are trying so hard to fake your feelings, you are setting yourself back a hundred steps. Especially when you are apologizing and feeling that guilt. That is not getting you ahead at all.

I have been trying latley to put space between us when I am really down. It was impossible this weekend because every single on of my girlfriends was away or busy. I try to talk about what bipolar illness is and what I go through, but that does not usually end well.

I was also thinking lately about how it would be if I was single, and although the guilt and shame would go away, the lonliness would really hurt me. As I said, my small circle of friends are always busy.

Anyway, I just want you to know you are not alone. Keep posting, I am sure we can bounce ideas back and fourth.

Mogs.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


Voix
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 7/4/2010 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
tortoise11 said...
voix - you keep commenting on how you do better when your diet is good. Can you commit to eating healthy and taking your vitamins?
i need to order a book or something about controlling bipolar with diet because i haven't worked out a perfect diet yet for myself and the only vitamins i take are B complex with C in it... i'd like to take more that would help me
"crazy" french girl with bipolar II


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/4/2010 2:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Email me - I left it public so you can.  (Click on my name to view my profile.  My email is on there.)  I have a book I will mail you.
 
I went to see a nutritionist and I can tell you (via email) what diet she has put me on.
Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


Voix
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 7/4/2010 3:04 PM (GMT -7)   
tortoise11 said...
Email me - I left it public so you can. (Click on my name to view my profile. My email is on there.) I have a book I will mail you.


I went to see a nutritionist and I can tell you (via email) what diet she has put me on.
I viewed your profile but it says your email address is hidden :( i am very eager to read that book and hear about your diet however.
"crazy" french girl with bipolar II

Post Edited (voix) : 7/4/2010 8:49:43 PM (GMT-6)


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/4/2010 7:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry - my profile setting must have changed?  I sent you an email.  You probably want to delete your email address from your above post.  :)

Bipolar 2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 9/14/2010 5:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Very interested in the diet.
What is the name of that book?
Have picked up on some posts that acid and sulphur are bad, as in dairy, coffee, chocolate, do you agree?
I binge on cottage cheese, yogurt, and ice cream - oh, God help me, lol.
Hope you see this and answer.

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 9/14/2010 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Forgot to say that you can overdose on vitamins, even supplements like fish oil.
Be careful, maybe Google Vit Overdose.
And how are you doing now, a few months later?
Wishing you well....

Trying to Understand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 776
   Posted 9/16/2010 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Tortoise -
Just caught on that you have been on a diet by a nutritionist. Please comment on your success, benefits, or lack of. I find this fascinating.
And Voix - How are you feeling? Have you tried Tortoise"s diet recommendations from the Nutritionist?
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