Discouraged and scared

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havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/3/2010 6:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I spent what should have been a very enjoyable day with a bunch of friends. We had an impromptu picnic that lasted from 10 a.m. until about 8 p.m. We were to've gone to a parade and potluck that the neighborhood association of one friend was throwing, but turns out that the parade and potluck were really early in the morning, and we missed them. So we made our own party.
 
Unfortunately, the whole time I was together with my friends, I felt panicked/anxious and felt that I had difficulty breathing. My heart seemed to be pounding. I didn't let on how I was feeling, even though several of my friends suffer from clinical depression or bp and know that I have bp. I just didn't want to break the fun mood.
 
When I got home, I looked up the side effects of Invega (Paliperidone; it may be related to Risperdal??). One of them was heart palpitations or fast or pounding heartbeat. Of course, it's Saturday, and a holiday weekend to boot, so there's no way for me to get in touch with my psychiatrist. However, if I continue to have these symptoms tomorrow, I may call his number and see if I can talk to an on-call psychiatrist. (I think it's something like $60 per minute or some equally ridiculous rate to talk to an on-call psychiatrist, which I just can't afford. So, if the heart pounding keeps up, maybe I'll just stop taking the half tablet/1.5 mg Invega that I've only been taking since June 29.)
 
I am feeling so discouraged and scared. I seem to not react well to many of the meds the doc gives me. He's talked about electroconvulsive therapy if no drugs work for me, and I am TERRIFIED of shock therapy. They don't even OFFER it in the city in which I live; I'd have to travel about four hours away to get ECT. And what would it do to my short-term memory? How would I go to grad school, starting August 23? (I even have a graduate assistantship, which is nothing to be sneezed at.)
 
I know I'm catastrophizing majorly, but I feel so lousy having been unable to feel well when together with my friends, whom I care about and who care about me and with whom I really wanted to have a fun day.
 
Thanks for listening.
 
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Invega, 1.5 mg; Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


Voix
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 7/3/2010 6:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't think you've quite run out of options to the point where you would need electric shock therapy. I understand you react poorly with meds, but how long have you stayed on different medications before you had bad side effects and called up your psychiatrist and changed them? It takes months to put yourself in a truly stable atmosphere, it doesn't just happen in the two weeks it takes a drug to start working. Sometimes you have to stick with something even if the initial side effects suck. When I first started taking seroquel, I passed out in the shower at school and woke up naked on the floor of the bathroom my whole dorm floor uses and my blood pressure was so low I didn't regain my vision for five plus minutes. I ended up missing the final exam I had that morning!
But I stuck with the seroquel and now while I do experience a few unwanted side effects (always tired, but I am sure you can relate to that with chronic fatigue), the medication is really working for me.
My advice, don't give up until you've tried everything you can possibly try. electric shock therapy is not an option!
"crazy" french girl with bipolar II


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/3/2010 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom, Voix. I really appreciate them. I'll stick with this !@#$%^&*()_+ Invega for the time being (it also gives me some gastrointestinal discomfort) and see if maybe it'll help me. Getting this heart pounding just really scared me. It's been a looooooooooooooong time since I've had panic/anxiety symptoms; normally a small amount of Clonazepam holds them at bay. There we were, my friends and I, talking about going to a movie tomorrow, and I was just about shaking with panic. This is NOT normal for me. (OK, what IS normal, anyway? Well, assuredly not the way I felt today.) My hands are even shaking, which they were doing all day long, too, and I was hoping nobody was noticing this. Sigh. Mental illness sucks.

There must be somebody out there who's tried ECT and liked it. My psychiatrist tells me that everyone he's sent for ECT has been very satisfied. So, why am I so utterly terrified and resistant? And why, despite so little good results from meds (except for Effexor, which worked splendidly for years, until it faltered and then ceased working altogether), do I still feel that I can find meds that'll work for me? Sigh, again.

Thanks for caring enough to respond so quickly. I really appreciate it.

Havana
Havana
bipolar II, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Invega, 1.5 mg; Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


Voix
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 7/3/2010 7:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I took effexor for over a year and it had no effect on me other than giving me tremors... but the stomach pains can be taken care of, have you tried gas-x, or even eating some probiotic yogurt?

Also I've found that sometimes when I start freaking out, trying to hide it from my friends makes it even worse. as soon as i tell someone the way I am feeling, it's like this huge weight off my mind that i'm not bottling it up and freaking out. next time it happens, tell your friends. they will understand.
"crazy" french girl with bipolar II

Post Edited (voix) : 7/3/2010 8:11:54 PM (GMT-6)


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/3/2010 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I make my own yoghurt, but it's not probiotic. I'll try it, though. The Invega seems to be giving me diarrhea when I wake up in the morning. Charming. It stops after that, though. Thank goodness for small favors! :-)

Havana
Havana
bipolar II, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Invega, 1.5 mg; Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/4/2010 6:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry to hear that you are having trouble with the meds. I can relate. Abilify made me want to jump out of my skin; worst feeling ever, so I had to stop it (emailed pdoc who told me to stop it right away). rxlist.com is one of my resources for medication information; pay attention to warnings and precautions, and when its says "notify your doctor right away if...." I know this was the holiday weekend, so if this happened to me this weekend, I would have had to go to emerg to see the on call pdoc there. So I know that's tough.....

There is a fine line. I was on the Abilify for two weeks and those side effects started happening to me a few days before I was able to put two and two together. That was a serious side effect, one that I should "notify my doc asap"....So there are those type of side effects. Then there are the other ones, which aren't pleasant (fatgiue, nausea...) that could likely go away after several weeks at the same dose. Voix is correct about the time factor. It takes several weeks or a month or more, however you want to put it, for these meds to get into our system and get comfortable to work for us. With your side effect, I would read up on it b/c a racing, pounding heart, it NOT a good thing.

I am curious, I see Mirpaex in you meds list; why are you taking it? I am taking it too --to try and combat the depression....Just curious b/c I never see anyone on it. It is also used in parkinsons' disease...Anyway, tell your doc or go to emerg. I really feel you need to take care of this.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/4/2010 6:48 AM (GMT -7)   
I think, but I'm not sure, that the racing heart may be one of the side effects I'm supposed to get in touch with my doc right away about. I'll have to look up the side effects for Invega again, just to be sure. So far this morning, I'm not having the racing heart, but we'll see how things go throughout the day.

As to the Mirapex: My psychiatrist put me on this for my severe depressive symptoms. I'd been up and down with the depression, but it seems to have settled in about two months ago and won't break its grasp on me. So far, I'm not seeing that the Mirapex is doing any good; the depression is simply not lifting. I may have had one or two halfway good days in the past two months, and that's about it.

I'll see how the heart pounding is going today, and I'll definitely check the Invega side effects. I've never heard of rxlist, but I'll check it out. Thanks for the info, and for caring!

Warmly,
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Invega, 1.5 mg; Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/4/2010 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   
I checked the side effects, and yes indeed, the heart pounding is one of the side effects you're supposed to call your doc about immediately. So, even though it costs $35 per 10 minutes to call the doc on call--at least the price has come down some--I called. The psychiatrist I got went through all my meds with me and told me that I was obviously not tolerating Invega, what with the heart pounding and the diarrhea and told me to stop taking it.

It took five days for the heart pounding to start, so he said I might be able to tolerate it at at half the 1.5 mg dose. He suggested coming in to the behavioral health unit for a "tune up" (I was crying when I was talking to him, so discouraged was I that yet ANOTHER medication is one I can't seem to tolerate). I have no idea what such a tune up would do for me. I'd have to get a pretty good explanation of what would go on during the tune up before I'd be willing to do this.

Feeling very discouraged, but glad to be no longer taking the Invega. The heart pounding, which DID start up again this morning, should stop within 24 hours, the psychiatrist says.

Again, thank you to you folks for your help.

Warmly,
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Invega, 1.5 mg; Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/5/2010 6:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Havana,
 
I am so glad to provide help! It made me feel good this morning, to do something good for someone else. I am sorry though that this means another mountain to climb. I am right there with you.
 
I was put on Mirapex for the same reason, and it did seem to help at times, but now it's not helping at all, so I am going to tell pdoc Wednesday and start going off of it then. I am actually going to be glad about it because I hate trying to take it three times a day with food. Talk about mission impossible when you're depressed! But of course this means we have to do something else. And I honestly don't know what that is going to be at this point.
 
Anyway, you are in my thoughts and let me know how things go. I will post after my appt this week with pdoc.
 
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/5/2010 3:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry to hear that Mirapex isn't helping you. Hey, if it's any consolation, it isn't helping me, either. I can't say that any of my meds is helping me at all. I hope to get in to see my psychiatrist as soon as possible, maybe this week, because nothing is helping me. The depression gets worse every day. So, along with you, I know that if meds aren't working, we have to do something else. And to quote you, "I honestly don't know what that is going to be at this point." I am so fed up with meds that don't work.

I spent today with my estranged spouse. We drove down to the coast and, had I not been so depressed and been feeeling so panicked (the latter left over from the Invega, probably), I probably could have said I had a good time. Well, despite all this, I DID have a good time. And I told my estranged spouse about my depression, something I hadn't told him before. Turns out that he's back on Prozac for his depression, which returned some months ago. I was delighted that we could be this honest with each other. And that he was so understanding of my baaaaaaaaaaaaaad depression. I think he was gratified that I was so understanding of his depression, too. (He's clinically depressed and not BP. And he responds well to Prozac, lucky soul. I wish I could find meds that worked for me.)

So, please keep your fingers crossed that I can get in to see my doc this week and that my doc can do something to help me. The specter of ECT is hovering out there, if no drugs work. I have a mere six weeks until graduate school begins, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to do it if I still feel this badly by then. I realize this is catastrophic thinking, but then again, the depression has been going on pretty much unabated for two months now. Argggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Thanks for the kind thoughts and for the help.

Havana
Havana
bipolar II, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Invega, 1.5 mg; Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Lexapro, 5 mg; Mirapex, 2.5 mg; Topamax, 50 mg


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/5/2010 4:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Just a quick response; you are lucky to have someone you can talk to who understands. I will definitely be sending positive thoughts your way with regards to the meds and I hope you get an appt this week :)
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day

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