Ok, it finally happened. After almost two years without a anger outburst slash rage incident i finally had one. And its ok, because of everything it took to bring it on.
1. i am still sick, on a thrid round of antibiotics trying to get the lymph nodes in my neck to stop swelling. They hurt all weekend, and i was generally feeling tired and fatigued.
2. I am very very tired. It seems everyone in my family expects me to do just about
every darn thing. From worrying about
the money, (Aint that a kick in the butt, a BP person worried about
spending money correctly)
To working 80-90 hours a week at three jobs that all want more of me, to having to come home and clean, do dishes, laundry, etc, and driving my wife to all these doctors visits (not her fault, but it still wears on me) I just don't seem to get enough sleep.
4 I had just finished driving 6 hours from pittsburg, that with Thor in my lap looking at me the whole way. Not a happy puppy.
So all this conspired to come together with a back yard grilling malfunction. I had everything cooking ok, but the heat was a little low. So i turned the knob just a bit and left it for 5 minutes. Came back and it was at 800 degrees and the hot dogs and hamburgers were on fire. (Again not like my photos, soon to be aviable at your local news stand)
But actually on FIRE. I lost it and beat the grill with the plastic spatula. (Ok, not sure what damage i thought i would cause, then again i wasnt exactly in my right mind).
So i calmed right down, cleaned up the mess, went and bought new hamburgers and hot dogs and made great burgers after all. I wasnt happy that i lost my temper like that, and i explained to my son what happened (he is 19) and that i will try harder to not have that happen again. All in all everything turned out ok, i will try to get more rest, and i took a double dose of my respirdal to help me over the hump.
Ok, just wanted to share with you all. I am doing better and am at the firehouse today. I will try and get a long nap in as soon as i can. Like i said, it was a lot of things to finally drive me over the edge, hopefully i can be on the lookout for these things in the future and avoid some mental strife.
"If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
"It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself." Happy Bill
Meds. Respirdal 0.5 a day, more if needed.