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mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/9/2010 4:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I am at the end of my rope.

Bf accidentially took me off his drug plan on Monday when he reenrolled for his benefits. I am out of Lamotrigine and can't afford it. So, this being day 3 without, I am starting to fall apart, rapidly. The stupid company says it takes them 10 days to fix the problem. Don't even get me started.....

I had a terrible, stressful day at work.

I haven't been out of the house with a friend in several weeks. It's just been me and bf 24/7. I've had plans a million times and people have bailed. In fact, that has sparked this post. I just finished getting ready for dinner plans and then BAM! She bailed!

I am in the worst state EVER right now. I am completely freaking out and I don't want to go on like this! I have had it! I want to give in, give up. I can't live like this. I don't want this. I hate this. I hate myself. I hate my life.

Why can I never get out of this house with friends? Why do they all bail on me? I feel so trapped and I just want out of the situation totally.

I am so sorry to go on like this, but I am so scared and stressed right now. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get through this. I want to quit.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/9/2010 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   

Breathe Mogs.  Wow, this is bad timing for you.  I am so sorry.

Call your pdoc right away and see if they have any drug samples for you!  Isn't your boss a pdoc?  Can she give you samples? 

I would really hate for you to have to start over on Lamictal at 25 mg at this time. 

I think you should take a leave of absense, unless you feel safer when you are busy and away from home.  If nothing else, tell your boss the situation so she won't be upset/alarmed if your performance is not 100%.

If you take a leave of absense, would spending time with your mom help?

Worst case scenario - go to the hospital for a week.  You can get back on Lamictal safely, under observation and get a break from work and your relationship.


Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/9/2010 4:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I'll meet you in chat if you need someone to talk to.
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/9/2010 8:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm with Tortoise all the way: Get samples from your pdoc asap. I'm sure that, once your pdoc hears what's happened, you'll get drugs from him/her immediately. So, don't worry: You WILL get meds quickly.

I understand what it feels like when people bail on you. And they always seem to bail on you all at the same time. Maybe this is the time to start thinking of ways to meet new people, if the people that you know are unreliable. I know it isn't always easy to meet new folks, but having reliable people to do things with might give you a real impetus to do so. Do you take classes for fun? Do you know nice people at work? Do you run into people again and again whom you'd like to get to know better? Do you do volunteer work with people whom you like? These might be people to schedule things with.

One of my best friends has made it his business to meet lots of people. He seems to know just about everyone. I met him when I was walking my dog around a local lake, and my dog, who's a lovable goof, just crashed into him. With most people, it would've been an apology, and that would've been that. But my (now) friend said, "Let's go for a cup of coffee." And now he's really a close friend--and he's bp, too, so he's extremely sympathetic to what I'm going through, and I'm sympathetic to what he goes through. Maybe you could follow his example and get to know people that way. Hey, it's worth a try.

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time. But I DO think the medication problem can be solved relatively easily. Don't despair about that! And I think it's possible to meet other people to do things with.

Warmly yours,
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, panic/anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Topamax, 50 mg


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 7/9/2010 11:55 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  I'm sorry mogs, that sucks big time. As for friends, thats why i got a dog. LOL LOL LOL Honestly i just rely on   myself. If i want to go do something then i go and do it, mostly by myself, or i go with the big puppy, Thor.

 

   Hope you feel better soon and get that medication thing under control.

 

 Bill


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/12/2010 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey guys,

I read your posts the next day and they were a comfort.

I can't really talk about not having my meds b/c of the insurance company not willing to help b/c it upsets me too much.

I did email pdoc Friday, knowing already that he would not have samples of Lamotrigine. He said that company doesn't sample out. There is nothing I can do until this is fixed. It makes me absolutely furious to say the least.

I'm not really having any physical withdrawls, but my depression has gotten even worse if imaginable.

I slept all day yesterday. I am at work this morning although I don't want to be here at all.

As far as the friends go, I give up. My one close friend has been in the Netherlands for the past two years and she is moving home early August, so at least I can depend on her.

Tortoise, thank you for the offer to chat. I had to go help my sister pack b/c they bought a house and are moving in a couple weeks. She is 7 1/2 months pregnant with two kids so they needed help! Her and her hubby both have full time jobs too! So I wasn't home Saturday, and yesterday I slept.

I regret telling my one pdoc boss about my illness. She hasn't done anything negative. I just regret it. But my pdoc is aware of the situation and he is frustrated about the meds too. All I can do is hang in there.

Thanks again to all. Hugs all around and I"ll try to be around more.

 

 

 


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day

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