New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/18/2010 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't know where to begin.

Two weeks ago, we discovered that I was accidentally (by my bf) taken off his drug plan when he re-enrolled. We contacted the drug company right away and they said within 5 - 10 days, it would be resolved. As a result I lost my 25mg tabs to my Lamotrigine which meant a 100 mg decrease in my 400 mg/day dosage.

Friday I called expecting it to be resolved because it was day 10. Well, it turns out the drug company called my bf a liar saying they would never say 10 days....Just totally ripped into my bf. He asked for a manager, but basically the whole situation was a mess. I am not sure when I am going to have my plan back and so I have to wean off Lamotrigine and everything else completely. And might I add, I only have 3 days worth of meds to wean from......All I have is Seroquel sample from Pdoc to help me sleep. As of this Tuesday, I will be basically med-free. It will take two months for me to get back to where I was.

The fear and panic set in right away Friday. Friday was just a big panic attack and I've been extremely edgy since. Bf feels so guilty, but it's not his fault. Those insurance companies don't care about people. I emailed pdoc right away with my weaning plan, and he said that was the best I could do.

I've been away from HW b/c I can barely talk about this without shaking. The house is a disaster, I have to get groceries today; it's all too much. I don't know how to deal with this.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/18/2010 9:12 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh Mogs!  I wish I could give you a BIG hug right now.  Weaning off those is going to be really difficult.  I think you should go to a hospital.  Seriously.  Coming off Lamictal fast is not good and you could have seizures!  If that happens you won't be able to drive for 6 months and that would make you situation so much worse.

I'm sorry this is happening to you! 

(((hug)))


Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 7/18/2010 9:30 AM (GMT -7)   

 

  Darn Mogs, that sucks big time.  I wish there was something i could do to help you. Dont let the insurance company push you around, they are out to save money and the hell with whoever it hurts.

   Ill keep  a good thought for you .

 

   Bill


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


Carenpolar
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 672
   Posted 7/18/2010 9:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Try to ask your p-doc for samples. of the meds you are going of ?? I get samples from mine....
 

havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/18/2010 3:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, Mogs, this is so terrible. I thought you'd be back on your meds soon. As someone who's currently going through drug withdrawal--from Lexapro--I can only sympathize. I can barely do anything. I can't think. I can barely speak. I'm having panic/anxiety attacks. And I feel nauseated and shaky and just horrible. So I can utterly relate to what you're going through. There's GOT to be a way your pdoc can give you samples. Please call him again and BEG.

Warmly and with sympathy,
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, panic/anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Topamax, 50 mg


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/18/2010 4:12 PM (GMT -7)   

Does the insurance cover emergency hospital stays?  Go to the ER have them put you in behavioral health.  You'll get your meds paid for and you won't have to suffer.

Tell the insurance company they are paying for you to be in the hospital until they fix it and get you on the prescription drug plan.  That should get them moving.

Just be SURE a hospital stay would be paid for before you try that strategy!

I hope you will come on chat - I'm worried about you!


Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/19/2010 7:47 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you all for your help.

I cannot take a leave to be in hospital. It would stress me out too much of how that would look to my boss who (regrettably) knows of my illness. I have so much work to do at work and I am coming up on a year in this position. This is my life career and I have had many absences already. Coming to work today, I have made a pact to be here as much as I can and do to the best job I can. I would be a wreck if I lost this job. It is very important to me. So, hospital is such a great idea, but I just can't do it....

Lamotrigine does not sample out unfortunately, so I will be contacting pdoc when the problem is fixed about instructions of how to get back on the Lamotrigine....

Last night my nightmare got even worse.

My bf and I got into a huge fight. Probably the biggest one we've ever had in 5 years. He yelled at me and called me a hipocrate; he blamed me for our money problems. He basically made me feel like the most selfish, ungreatful, terrible human being. It caused me to hyperventilate beyond belief. I could not breathe for almost half an hour. It hurt my body to go through that and I had to call crisis. I was definitely wanting to die and I just could not get my breathing back. The person on the phone was really good; she helped me breathe and reminded me that I am not wrong....

Here is what the fight was about. My bf makes $500 more than me on every pay check.  He was stressed yesterday because we run out of money between pay cheques and therefore have to use what we should have in savings. Since I started my new job, I spent $1500 on my credit card, which I now have to pay for big time. I was hypomanic during that time. Bf yelled at me last night about that. Saying that he warned me, but I went ahead and did it anyway!! He bought me a bike awhile ago, and I love it, but being depressed, it's hard for me to get out as much as I would like. But I carry guilt about it because I know I should exercise AND because he bought it for me to use, not for it to sit in the garage. Well, he threw that in my face last night saying I should sell it because I never use it. He also bought me expensive running shoes (also his idea) to enourage me to get out for walks and after I lose 20 lbs start running. They were $160. Last night he made a really mean comment about me not using those as well. Saying something I never ever said or ever would say. He said I was like "Oh, I will run but only if I get the most expensive pair of shoes out there..." I cannot tell you how much of a lie this is. I would never say something like that. I never asked for the shoes, he bought them.

What hurts me the most is:

I am not a selfish person. I always appreciate things that are given to me and financial support that he provides.

I all on my own, feel guily every single day that I cannot contribute as much as he can. I feel the guilt everday that I do not ride my bike or go for a walk.

But he made me feel so terrible about myself last night.

I do everything I can financially. I pay my part of the bills (which he feels are uneven, and they are not...he does pay more in rent, but he makes so much more than I do). I don't go shopping. I gave him my credit card to hide and keep away from me back in the fall immediately after that spree. I don't buy lunches during the week; I take my lunch to work.

My pay cheques do not go far at all; but last night it was made clear how he feels.

I am extremely wounded today. Words could not describe the pain I feel thinking about that violent panic attack I had last night. Nor can words describe the pain I feel from what was said about me last night. As if I didn't already feel my own guilt enough. I do not want to go home tonight b/c I know if he apologizes, it's going to be too hard for me to accept and that will make him angry. He hurt me so deeply last night.

I am so worried about my health right now.



Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/19/2010 10:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi again Mogs. Do you want to chat? I'll be around this afternoon until 3:00, but I won't be hanging out in the chat room unless you say you want to talk.
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/19/2010 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   

Sorry tortoise, just got your post now.

Bf called me at work this morning, and I know he feels terrible. But I am so hurt, and I just have too much going on right now to be going through this pain as well. It's hard today to just get over it right away.

Pdoc and I emailed today and he is going to see me Thursday. He actually offered tomorrow, but I have a meeting at work that I can't reschedule....So Thursday will have to do.

I don't have counselling again for another two weeks.

Crisis was a big help last night and I think I'll try to call them more during this hardship. I can also call distress too....

I will keep an eye on the chat rooms. Although this week is a busy one at work. I am off next week for vacation.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex 1.5mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/19/2010 12:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Online now...
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/20/2010 6:38 AM (GMT -7)   

........so tired today......withdrawls......and depression

Last night was really great suprisingly. I was stable, and I went for a walk and a swim!

I just feel exhausted today and I am wondering if it's the seroquel or depression? I think it's the depression b/c I have no motivation for work today.

I honestly could just go home and sleep all day....can't believe how tired I am. I have the shakes today too; I am sure I going thru withdrawals.

I'll try to peek in on chat but I have a meeting this afternoon....so....

Anyway, thanks


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed for panic attacks
---temporarily off Lamictal----
Seroquel 50mg/night


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/21/2010 5:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I am barely hanging on.

Drug plan was fixed today though, so as of tomorrow I will be working my way back on Lamotrigine. I am so glad, the last few days have been the worst, especially since I haven't been sleeping.

Pdoc appointment tomorrow so it will all be sorted out then....

Bf got mad again tonight about money, again. I immediately felt the flashback of Sunday and started feeling panicky.....He said he was sorry; I just want to go to bed now.

Hopefully I can get into chat at some point tomorrow, but I have a lot of work to do at work since I'll be off next week for vacation.

Ugh, so tired of being so completely depressed and anxious.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed for panic attacks
---temporarily off Lamictal----
Seroquel 50mg/night


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/21/2010 7:07 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm glad there is an end in sight for you with this mess! I'm at 25 mg Lamictal and slowly going up over the next 5 weeks too. :)
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Thursday, December 08, 2016 9:07 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,735,152 posts in 301,280 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151376 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, ufindjess.
283 Guest(s), 8 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
rollout, imagardener2, geop, Teamchris, Charmed3, LG13, puppylover, (Seashell)


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer