Someone PLEASE help

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SuthernBelle
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 7/19/2010 5:14 AM (GMT -7)   
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Post Edited (SuthernBelle) : 7/23/2010 9:50:42 AM (GMT-6)


tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/19/2010 6:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi belle! I'm glad to see you back on here - I wish it was under different circumstances!

Can you do something for me? Write a letter to yourself. A LONG letter detailng exactly how terrible you feel about everything that has happened.

Keep it. And when you feel tempted or you are starting into an elevated mood but you don't want to get help because it still feels good, read it! It is almost impossible to remember (or care about) consequences when you are in that mood state.

And I recommend the book "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder." It is incredibly helpful for both, and will hopefully get some healthy, constructive conversation going between the two of you.

I think you know what to do and are already doing it. You love your kids and your boyfriend and to keep them in your life, you will need to go to your pdoc - make it clear it is an emergency! Don't wait a month for an appointment if you can avoid it!

Good luck with your new job! I hope it works out for you. May I suggest you repay the mortgage money to your boyfriend with your first paychecks? And then make permanent changes together so that can never happen again?

Take care of yourself - I'll be thinking about you this afternoon!

(((hug)))
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."


SuthernBelle
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 7/19/2010 6:40 AM (GMT -7)   
I alsofound out last night that , My dad has BP , and clinical depression , and is missing three brain chemicals ( never heard of that) and his dad had a nervous breakdown , and severe depression, his dads three sisters are ALL BP , and one committed suicide!

I had no idea about all this ... no wonder im screwed up ...

SuthernBelle
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 7/19/2010 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
another thing that Idont know what to do about .... and its scaring me to death... Before BF knew it was me , he signed an affidavit at the bank that he wanted his money back and to prosecute whoever took the money. And he said that he has to go to the bank again this morning and asked me what he should do .... Isaid I guess do whatever the bank tells you to do ....

SO ... he said he was just going to say that he didnt authorize the charges and that he wanted his money back. So I gues ill be going to jail in the near future.... I dont know .....

tortoise11
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 2896
   Posted 7/19/2010 7:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Take one step at a time. Don't worry about the future - you can't do everything at once. You need to choose what you can deal with today. You can worry about tomorrow - tomorrow!

What do you need to do to get through today? To be alive at the end of the day? And to make tomorrow a little bit better?

Do those things today.

(((hug)))
Bipolar 1
Borderline Personality Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Panic Disorder
 
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."


havana
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 7/19/2010 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Read and reread Pebbles's sig line: one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Sometimes that is all we can do. And that is enough.

Be easy on yourself. You may've made some mistakes. But you're done with that. You're taking steps to help yourself. Your life is NOT over. You will get through this.

We are thinking of you. We care about you. Any of us could have easily been in your situation.

Warmly and with hugs,
Havana
Havana
bipolar II, panic/anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome 
current meds: Clonazepam, 0.5 mg prn; Topamax, 50 mg


SuthernBelle
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 7/20/2010 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks guys for all the support...

It has been a very rough week for us all ... BF and I have gotten back on good terms ... he really loves me and he is trying to help . I spoke with my family and they are very supportive... which is a shock.

Im finding it very difficult to keep my cool with BF... He is being very "holier than thou" like .... I suppose it is just me and I shouldnt let it get to me ... but I t does.... and I have done a good job at keeping my mouth shut... It just really hurts to hear him say " I am now in defense mode, and am protecting myself and my son, and im here for you , but youre no longer my number one priority" And " well take it week by week, and see how you are doing" Talking about whether or not he thinks I should leave! Those comments infuriate me and leave me wondering what the hell im sticking around for anyway.

on the other hand , he has been great ... playing with the kids, helping with housework ... he really is a big help. I know it is stressful for a man who has only had one very quiet , well behaved kid , to have three little ones running around , being loud and not listening very well .... It has been challenging , and it has only been four days ....

Anyhow on the pdoc : I have called everyone I knew , from the internet , the phone book , trying to get an appt. I have no insurance so its har to find someone. And the ONE place that I knew had the sliding fee scale , thats based on income , would never return my call ... So I got fed up , drove down there and demanded to speak to someone. They thought I was nuts ... but it worked , I ended up crying in the guys office ... But I got my appt! Earliest they had was Aug 12th , but its soemthing!

Now im searching for another job..... before they repo my car ...sigh

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 7/20/2010 6:27 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Belle,

First I want to say, good for you for coming on here and admitting about the pills, money etc. And it's also a good thing you came clean with your bf about it all. It probably hurts when he says you are not the priority; but look at it as the kids are the priority. Even though you have to take care of yourself now, you are not only doing this for yourself. You are probably doing it for your kids number 1!

Remind yourself how important it is for you to stay away from the drinking and the the drugs. Remind yourself of the feeling it brought, of ruining your entire life. Write that letter Tortoise suggested. Remind yourself of the things you do want and need in your life and how staying away from the drinking and the drugs will help you get those things.

Best of luck with work; remember how it can bring such stability to your life. Being around other people. Having some sort of routine. It helps in my opinion (as long as it's not a super stressful environment)

DO take the advice of taking this all very slowly--one day, one hour...etc. It is vital right now that you do that.

I am glad that you have an appointment. And it's true what havana said, that your life is NOT over at all....You have realized what is going on around you. That is a huge step. You can get through this. You can be as healthy as you want to be; it takes work, but it's worth it.

 

Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way,

Mogs


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed for panic attacks
---temporarily off Lamictal----
Seroquel 50mg/night

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