First, welcome, all the good crazy people hang out here. . Now really, you arnt crazy, you have a desease or disorder however you would like to call it that is it.
And guess what, it isnt your fault in any way that you got this, you didnt smoke two packs a day and get BP, you didnt shoot up iv drugs and get BP, you didnt even piss off god and get BP. Its just like lighting, its goign to hit where it does, no ryme or reason to that.
That said how you treat it now that you know what the problem is is entirely on you. I have forgiven myself for the mistakes i made before being diagnosed and getting on meds, now that i am sane and level, it is on me to stay that way. ANd yes, it is much easier to deal with the bad urges with the meds helping you out.
Stress is a huge trigger for me as a BP person, and some stress cant be avoided. However i have learend to just let a lot of things go, let it slide so to speak, so i dont get all worked up and upset.
Even thought i am well, i still get about 2-4 major mania attacks a year. They last about 2 weeks and are very tiring. However after you have gone thru a few you see the signs earlier and earlier and can do teh things that allow you to get thru it with a minimum of damage to you and the family.
Last thing for now, i have to run to work. I like to think about it this way. I "OWN" BP, because the altertinative is that BP OWNS me. There is a difference there, i accept that i am this way, i will be this way, and that there are blessings inside this curse. Its just my way of handling BP. May not be for you but for me it makes all the difference. By me owning BP i have a much better chance of setting the rules of the game, instead of BP telling me what to do.
ALso i am on Respirdal, or respridone depending on which drug maker makes it. It was the proverbial bolt from the blue that has helped me so very much. I take celexa AS NEEDED. By that when i notice a depression comming on i take it for about a month plus. Then i go off of it and see how i am doing. I would rather fight this beast with as few drugs helping me and instead learning coping mechanisms to see me thru. NOt because i am macho, but because all drugs eventually will not work. So i am trying to extend the life span of the drugs in me by not using them as much, or at all.
Any questons feel free to ask. I will be on later this afternoon.
I am a very successful full time firefighter, and part time bicycle mechanic and LP Detective (catching shoplifters). Those are wildly different jobs but one common thread runs thru all of them, variety. I need to have different jobs to do so i dont go stir crazy. My hell job would be doing one set of papers, all day long, just the same set over and over again. LOL LOL LOL
And i have held down these jobs before i was diagnosed with BP and after. A quick example from yesterday. At Sears where i work LP, i came to work a bit hyomanic. So instead of sitting in the control room on cameras i went out on the floor and installed a new camera that i have wanted to install for a few weeks. Took, two hours or work, but by the end it was all done. Then i went in and sat on cameras, most of my hypomanic energy spent.
For whatever reason both the manias and depressions dont seem to affect my jobs like they do my home life. Maybe i am good at compartmentalizing (is that a word???? ) my life into managable pieces.
I use my mania energy (controlled hypomaina energy) to work hard, build things, improve things and train people. Plus i get lots of good feedback from those i work with (bosses and such) so going to work is a positive experience for me.
When i am depressed i go to work to escape the source of my depression (My life at home). Now my life at home isnt that bad, but you all know that when you are down everything seems to stink. But having a place to go with positive outcomes (earning money, being respected) just seems to help me so much.
If i can think of this and explain it any better i will. However i have noticed that my wife does seem to "hate" on my jobs, as if she were jelous of them like another women. And maybe in a way they are for me right now.