I've been gone for a while.

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LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 7/26/2010 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi ya'll. Just wanted to come and see how everyone was doing these days...I've been out of the loop for the past six months or so. As some of you remember I was pregnant and then had the baby and was going through Postpartum Depression and got into a bit of trouble. Things got better...thanks to a change in medications, and actually taking it regularly, and lots of support from friends a family. My daughter is now 8 years an my son is 15 months. My husband and I are better then we were, although we both still have a lot to work on with each other and ourselves.
We just moved to California a few months ago, which seems to be going okay. I'm having some trouble making friends because of the fact that we live in military housing and most of the mothers around here are alcoholics in denial! Well, I just found out I'm pregnant again...Which I was shocked about, seeing as I was on birth control! Along with having all the normal worries (money, time, etc.) the doctors and myself are all worried about the postpartum. Although, my husband doesn't seem to really get it. He is still very ignorant to everything that has gone on for the past 5 years between us. I'm thought it was just because he was young before, but now I'm not so sure why the reason is. Either way, he thinks that because things have been going so good lately, there isn't a chance in hell they are going to change. He will be leaving for deployment again this November and will not be back until May, I am due in Feb. To make a long story short, he is refusing to get out of deployment, which he can do if it's medically relevant, saying he could lose his job, despite the fact that my doctors are HIGHLY against me being alone with the children after this baby comes. They are saying that although I know what to look for this time, it is still crucial that I have someone with me and the children after the baby comes. Any words of hope would be appreciated.
I know I'm not perfect, and I don't live to be...But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. - Bob Marley

Bipolar I
OCD
Anxiety Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 7/26/2010 6:42 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  Hey, welcome back. Glad to see you back.  Yikes, you have some tough issues on your hands. What field is your husband in? Im in the Air FOrce and they would totally support me staying with my wife during her pregnacy. In fact they would almost insist  that i stay home.

   My wife and i are in the same place you are. She thinks that now that i am normal, that all our work is done and  we can coast and not talk about things. While i am trying to be proactive (How you like that word. turn turn turn turn turn ) and get out in front of things before they get bad. I guess there are two kinds of people in the world, those who look ahead and plan ahead, and those who dont and rely on those of us who do. What you gonna do, throw the baby out with the bath water? It just makes it tougher on those of us with a mental condition.

   Ok, post more when you need to talk. And there is life outside militart bases, why not go out and try and find some of it.

  Bill


 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.


LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 7/26/2010 8:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the welcome Bill. My husband is in the Navy. I think he's worried about them kicking him out because of the fact that they have been doing it a lot lately. They are so over maned, that they are finding any excuse to kick people out these days. Although, I don't think they will over something like this. He does his job and he does it good. He has been in for years and has been promoted a few times and qualifies for his exams just fine. I'm thinking maybe he doesn't want to be here after the baby is born. After I had my son, the postpartum was bad and my moods were all over the place. One minute I loved him and he was the best thing since sliced bread, the next I was crying on the bed in a ball, and the next thing I wanted a divorce, he was a piece of you know what and I wanted to leave him and the kids. This would all happen in one day and was almost a daily ritual for about 7 months. I eventually got into drinking to try and "deal" with everything and ended up in jail. He had to pick me up from jail on our 1 yr anniversary! I thought about hurting my kids and myself a lot and eventually begged him to admit me to the hospital. We both thought about leaving each other during this time. He says that he thinks everything will be fine, but deep down, I think he's scared. He would NEVER admit it though, that's the kind of man he is.

It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't have these problems that just because things are good right now, it doesn't mean they are going to stay that way. I was on meds, but stopped taking them because of the pregnancy and I can feel myself going into a manic state. I am trying my darnedest to keep it under control, but I'm afraid if he keeps up this ignorant behavior, it will set me off. That is usually one of my largest triggers, besides him not cleaning "correctly," or him not wanting to be intimate. Him and I are very different, like you and your wife. I think ahead, he thinks about here and now. It can be very frustrating, but I've gotten used to it.

It's hard for me to get out. The number one reason is because of no sitter for the kids, we can't afford it right now and my husband is in and out of town doing work ups on the ship. Then, I also have a bit of a problem with leaving the house and meeting new people. I am have NO problem when I'm manic going and talking to people, but that's not the case when I'm "normal" or depressed. The meds have taken away a lot of my mania, which is good and bad.
I know I'm not perfect, and I don't live to be...But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. - Bob Marley

Bipolar I
OCD
Anxiety Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 7/27/2010 12:43 PM (GMT -7)   
 
   Ok, thanks. I understand the stresses of military life very very well.  It is alot of stress on familys under the best of circumstances, let alone having a baby, and being BP also.      YIKES 
 
   So what can you do right now? What is in your control that you can do to make the situation a little bit better. My road back from out of control mania and an almost destroyed marriage was started with a set of baby steps. Two years on now and we are still working on our marriage, but at least we are still working on the marriage and not divorced.
 
  Now i cant imiagine what stress a pregnancy brings on, wiser minds on this board will have to chime in with some help. But i do know that i work best when i have a series of routines that help me live my life. One of the things i would suggest would maybe not having anymore kids (after this one) and just work on getting you stable, your relationship stable, and your family stable.
 
   Its alot of work and self denile involved, but in the end i feel like i have gained way more than i have given up.
 
    Bill                     
 
   "If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
 
   "It isn't my fault that i am BiPolar, It is my responsibility how i treat it so that i don't hurt others or myself."  Happy Bill
 
   Meds. Respirdal  0.5 a day, more if needed.

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